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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Seriously down-heartened after every failed month.

11 replies

Widget88 · 08/08/2013 22:40

Hi guys, am new here so bear
with me! Just had af show up yesterday morning AGAIN. I've not been trying hugely long (4 months), but am young(ish), healthy and apparently doing it all right. I just had used utterly convinced this was my month, and once again I was wrong! How do you keep yourself positive after bfns? Keep thinking maybe it's my body's way of telling me it's not the right time, but we are so ready for it. Ttc is starting to feel like a chore, not a pleasure.

OP posts:
Widget88 · 08/08/2013 22:40
  • myself - sorry, useless phone
OP posts:
mojo1981 · 08/08/2013 23:04

We're trying for no 2, and I've been the same, this month no 4, and I have a funny feeling it will happen this month cos it will work out then that I will have two with birthdays in may!! It's Sod's law, it just had too! Lol

But if it don't then it doesn't. It took 3 months to get pregnant with my daughter and that was after being on the pill for 14 years!

I think u just have to forget that it's not just for a purpose, and not think about why your doing it! Lol

foreveryus · 09/08/2013 00:23

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CarrotWithaTwist · 09/08/2013 07:34

Hi widget.
Been ttc for two years and remaining positive is the hardest bit. Reading forums like these in that time it seems people go through phases.
Initially most head in to ttc in the innocent belief that they'll just dtd and get knocked up.
Then the disheartening stage kicks in if this doesn't happen as soon as they expected so they start reading up on the science (and myths)
Next comes obsession, taking temps, peeing on sticks, watching out for every sign and twinge.
Then finally at some point it changes, with all the knowledge and experience they start to feel a bit more in control.

Now hopefully you won't have to go through this.
Six months is considered a very normal length of time to ttc and Dr won't start looking in to potential problems until you've been ttc for at least a year. So four month is really not a long time.

First thing to do is to set one year of ttc as your goal. This will instantly make you feel like you've only just started. And in one years time, if you aren't pg already, you'll be prepared for the trip to the Dr.

Second thing to do is learn your cycle. Quite a few people start off assuming they are ov earlier or later than reality. I don't advocate the long term use of opk but it did help me establish what the signs of ov were and calculate my luteal phase (the time between ov and AF). Although my cycles are stupidly random I now know when to focus our efforts and how long I have to wait before getting my hopes up.
Some women either don't start dtd early enough or give up too soon (within a cycle) so the simplest method is to dtd every other day from when AF stop until she arrives again.
After a while this can get tiresome so having some clue as to when to slip on that lacy number really helps.

Lastly, take a look at your diet and lifestyle. Acting like a prego increases your chances of becoming a prego. Reduce your alcohol and caffine intake, avoid pâté, mould ripened cheeses (like Brie), eat plenty of fruit and veg and protein. Cut out smoking and do regular gentle exercise (I've found going for long walks is good because it keeps me fit and clears my head). This all helps your chances of getting that BFP but also helps you feel more incontrol and gives you something positive to focus on.

Oh and a couple of other titbits:
Saliva can kill sperm, so.. well.. avoid them meeting
Plus when you do get your BFP, avoid telling everyone and his brother. If something goes wrong it makes it all a lot harder.

Hope that all helps.

C.

emdottyjackson · 09/08/2013 07:38

Hello, I just took a test after being convinced I was pg & it was negative, periods late but I had been on the pill so not sure when it's supposed to come, on day 36 now & in cycle 2 post pill, so i have had a period. 2 months is no time at all I suppose, just every BFN make me so sad & no one understands they just say its too early, fair enough but everyone around me has been pg either by accident or as soon as they start trying, makes me feel a bit inadequate! Patience is a virtue I guess!

CabbageLooking · 09/08/2013 08:12

You're not alone. Currently trying for DC 2 and am on month 8. Carrot has great advice. In the great scheme of things, you've not really been trying that long but I know that sinking feeling when your period turns up or you know it's about to. Try to approach each month as a new challenge rather than one long slog that you've been on for ages!

You will get there eventually - hoping that it's sooner rather than later.

foreveryus · 09/08/2013 08:14

Don't give up hon..you get situations where people ppl start detecting hcg after weeks of missed period! It's happened. I think best thing to do is get your bloods done. Also as carrotwithatwist said,a healthy lifestyle is very important so eat lots and lots of fruit and veg x

Fairylea · 09/08/2013 08:15

Just wanted to offer some reassurance.... it took me 18 months to conceive dd and a year for ds.

Both dh and I have fertility problems and were on the waiting list for ivf when it happened naturally both times.

Keep strong x

nobabe · 09/08/2013 08:21

Dh and I have been TTC for 37 months. Its a horrible feeling but you just have to keep you're head up and believe everything happens for a reason. Good luck!!!

RaRaZ · 09/08/2013 10:11

I'm on month 4 and got AF yesterday (late as well!!) too Sad. Gutted. Like you, I'm young and healthy (and so's DP) and I'm trying so hard....it's just not fair, as petty as that sounds. I don't know how anyone keeps on trying month after month; I don't think I can handle much more of this.

Squigglypig · 09/08/2013 11:56

Me too. AF arrived today. I'm trying for no:2, have been trying since DD was about 12 months, now nearly 2 years on and one MMC at 12 weeks we're still trying. It's shite. Husband went for tests yesterday, I've just repeated my 21 day test as the first one came back a bit low at 25/100 rather than the min 30/100 but I've been told we wouldn't qualify for any assistance as we have one child already so it all feels a bit pointless as we're already doing what we can re lifestyle.

We pretty much always get timing spot on (we use OPKs) and do DDT either side so I don't know, I guess we're just unlucky - part of me wishes that the doctors would find something that could be quickly corrected but then again, perhaps not.

Still I can have a guilt free glass of wine with my mates tonight so that's good and I know from long experience that I'll be all hopeful again in a few days.

It's a bit of a roller coaster, there's good advice on these boards though. For me B6 has sorted out my hormone levels and made me regular and sorted out my fatigue, so for that alone it was worth lurking.

Good luck - hopefully this month will be the one!

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