Odds of being pregnant - over 30 days late

[needshelp84]

Hi, my girlfriend is putting off taking a pregnancy test but I'm desperate to know - she's 27 years old, has had one child and has always had her period on time (pretty much every 28 days like clockwork) apart from once when she was 14 days late. We decided to try to conceive in the middle of June and she was due her period 2 weeks later. It didn't arrive and she is now 31 days late. She's struggling to face up to it and thus won't take the test yet but how likely do people think it is that she's pregnant, is it very likely?

Very likely i would say; although worrying can delay the start of a period. Does she have any other signs?
Really think you need to tell her to do a test for your peace of mind! You do love each other after all...yes?

What do you mean by struggling to face up to it? Is she scared that she won't be pg or scared that she will? I'd be very surprised if she wasn't pg with her being that late, especially with a normally regular cycle. Are you sure she ovulated? If she stressed herself out of ovulating/ovulating very late, she might just be having a long cycle....but I still think that's unlikely. Does she have any symptoms?

Apologies for the vagueness of the OP - she really wanted a baby but we targeted a week where she expected to ovulate and, the next week, her 10 year old told her that he really didn't want a sibling and that has really thrown her and, as a result, I think she now hopes that she isn't pregnant. I imagine she will have ovulated because she wasn't under any particular stress at the time she was due to ovulate (the stress came later, once the period was late). In fact when she was due to ovulate we were looking forward to a concert and spending a good few days together so she was actually very happy.

We are in a long distance relationship so I don't get to see her every day and she is currently refusing to talk about it (other than to confirm she still hasn't had her period), she hasn't told me of any other symptoms and is telling me she doesn't want to discuss it for another few weeks which is really messing with my head! For now she says she wants to have fun and will worry about it later. I think she thinks she's pregnant, I'm just trying to find out how likely it is because if its likely I really need to start planning to move down to be with her now, every week spent not planning it is another week where I might miss out on a job that could see me able to look after her properly.

And boardiegirl yes we do love each other, I love her more than anything in the world.

Bloody hell, OP, that is not an easy situation to be in! I hope you're ok. You really - and apologies for stating the obvious here - need to convince her to take a test. If she's pg and a month late for AF, she'll be classed as 8-weeks pg. If anything strange is happening or she's high-risk for any reason, etc, they can already scan to check for a heart beat. And, either way, her 12-week scan will be due in around 4 weeks. You both need to know what's going on so you can do the best thing for her and the baby. You need to know if she's pg and if the baby is ok. If she's not pg, she needs to go to the doctor re her missed period.

Re ovulation, plenty of women don't ovulate every month. If she used BBT/CM/CP/OPK/etcs, you might have a better idea - but really it sounds as though we're clutching at straws with the idea that she might not have ovulated. I'd put money on it that she has, and that she's pg.

Can you go and see her and talk face-to-face?

Thanks for the reply, I'm seeing her on Friday but she gets very stressed when I bring up the whole pregnancy issue and she's been telling me that she's miserable all the time and things are never fun any more and she just wants to have fun for a few weeks so I'm anxious that if I push too hard she'll end up wanting to split up with me. I definitely need to ask her to take the test though, it really sounds as if she's pregnant and I want to be as good to her as possible and I want the best care for my potential unborn child so I really need her to take the test. I actually can't do any work or talk to my friends and family etc at present, this is all I can think about, I can't even watch a film without getting restless a few minutes into it so I can't find out quickly enough!

I don't blame you - it doesn't sound fun at all. But you two need to talk, however difficult it may be. Be prepared for her to tell you she doesn't want the baby though....

On the other hand, is the only reason for her not wanting to be pg that her child says he doesn't want a sibling?! How old is the child?

Tricky situation.

Maybe don't mention it initially when you see her, have a nice time together, and then try and have conversation the following day? It seems to have become a sensitive topic for you both.

If she then takes a test it sounds like further conversations will be triggered. Maybe thats also worrying her as she might be thinking about waiting to ttc, or if pregnant she will have to face up to this. Is she feeling a bit daunted by it all? It must be difficult for you, but do try to keep being supportive. Perhaps she feels scared at potentially damaging the relationship with her son who is clearly v important to her.

Her son is 10, so he's at that age where he doesn't like change and isn't afraid to tell everyone! Its only ever been him and his mum so I do very much appreciate the position she is in and am trying to be as supportive as I can possible be. She is very much anti-abortion so there is no question of her not keeping the child if she is pregnant (her first child was conceived when she was raped as a teenager, it was the first time she'd ever had sex and despite many people saying she should have an abortion she refused, she wouldn't ever consider it). I think she's just scared because she doesn't know how to tell her child, knows he'll be upset, knows she'll keep the baby (if pregnant) and therefore wants to put off making it a reality for as long as possible.

I totally understand why she's struggling to cope and I want to be as supportive as I can be, I certainly don't want to stress her out any more and I won't even pretend to be able to relate to what must be going on in her head but for the sake of our relationship and potentially for an unborn babies health, she needs to face up to the responsibility, take the test and know that however hard it is, I'll be by her side the whole time if she is pregnant and know that I love her, I love her 10 year old and I won't treat her first born any differently if she has another one. It sounds like she might well be pregnant and, if that is the case, things are about to get very complicated, I'll just need to step up to the mark and hope I do and say all the right things at the right times!

I appreciate you haven't asked for relationship advice, but if you're worried she might split up with you if you bring this up, do you really think you should be having a child together?

(Sounds like it might be too late anyway, she is probably pg)

Apologies, I've re-read my post and realise I was too harsh. Hope you understand the sentiment behind it!

No probs, I definitely understand the sentiment. End of the day although we've only been together 8 months we were going so strong that we both thought it was the right decision, especially as she's turning 28, doesn't want to have a child after 30 (she feels she's given enough of her life to bringing a child up so by she's 50 she wants to have time to herself!) and we know how long it can take to conceive so we started quite quickly. Neither of us envisaged it getting so stressful having tried to conceive, I thought we were both 100% wanting it, so did she until she spoke to her 10 year old. She should probably have had that conversation first but still, if she is pregnant we're not going to run away from it or anything, we knew what we were doing and I'll be with her every step of the way morally, financially, whatever she needs I'll be there so I think we'll be sensible enough about it, I just need her to take the test because everyone seems to think its highly likely that she's pregnant, she probably knows deep down that she's pregnant and I need her to face up to it but I realise it has to be in her own time, its not really something I can try to force.

Ginger, that was extremely rude and I think you're missing the point somewhat. I'm glad you apologised - I don't think the OP deserved that.

OP : I see. She's in a really difficult situation, I'd say. It must have been hard enough to have a baby at 17, especially in those circumstances, and being pg again is bound to bring it back in some form or other, but at the same time, it's so long since she's been pg, it'll almost feel like the first time with all those same worries and fears again - and then, on top of that, she's got the concern of her first-born and how he feels. She sounds like a really sweet person and a good mother, and I think she's very lucky to have you - you sound incredibly supportive of her and her son.

Are you the same age? Will this be your first child? Are you planning to move to be with her (or vice versa) if/when she is pg?

We're pretty much the same age (I'm 11 months older, she's still 27 until next week, I'm 28 until the end of August). Yep, if she's pregnant it'll be my first (hence trying to find out how likely it is, I want a child more than anything in the world, a daughter if I could choose but I'd love either like nothing on this earth). I'm planning to move to be with her- currently I'm the main breadwinner but there are more important things than money and I think moving and leaving friends behind in addition to suddenly having a sibling would be too much for her child so if she's pregnant I'm going to move down in a few months so that I can support her whilst she's heavily pregnant and then try and work as a sole trader so that I can make sure we fit work in around the baby. I just wish I knew because making plans to move down will take a while and I could do with as much notice as possible!

Talk to her then, it's all you can do. But face to face, and with plenty of cuddles and reassurance.