6+ months TTC and getting peeved. Do I need to ‘just relax’?!?

[MaybeMaisey]

Hello ladies!

I've never done anything like this before but I'm feeling rather fed up with this whole TTC business and thought this might a good place to vent my anger - or rather, speak to some people in a similar situation and maybe even pick up a few suggestions/advice from people who've sailed this TTC boat and come out the other end!

So I started my TTC journey in September 2012 and struck gold straight away, however that ended in a MMC in early December. Got back in the game in January 2013, rather naively expecting it to happen straight away but here we are 7 months later and not a thing!

I'm now at the point where I'm feeling quite sorry for myself and wonder whether it will ever happen. I've always had this niggling feeling that it wouldn't 'just happen' for us. Mr M thinks I'm being ridiculous and 'just need to relax'....Grrr

I've had all the basic tests done so they reckon I'm fine but how long do I keep on going before I take action and what action do I take...DH SA? Doc said I need to give it 2 years before NHS would intervene!!

Sorry to go on about myself for so long...Fellow 6 month +ers, please feel free to share your story!

Hi Maisey, how old are you if you don't mind me asking? If you're under 35 I would be inclined to go along with your DH and say try and relax (I know, impossible isn't it!) and wait a bit longer, but if you're older I would perhaps go back to the GP. Do you have any children already? It's a great sign that you were able to get pregnant last year (though so sorry to hear about the miscarriage) and that your initial tests have all been fine. Do you use ovulation tests at all?

Thanks WillSingForCake. I'm sure you're right it's just that when you add it all up I've been TTC for nearly a year now so I'm finding hard to 'just relax', especially when so many people around me seem to get pregs instantly! Me and DH are both 30, no kids. I don't use ovulation tests because I get EWCM so I think I can usually tell when I'm ovulating. Do you think it's worth doing ov tests anyway? I tried doing my BBT but it wasn't for me as my temps were all over the place. Currently giving acupuncture a try in my latest effort to relax...Just wish I could me more optimistic about this 'journey' but maybe I'm just having a blue day!

Hmmm, if your temps were all over the place, that might suggest you are not ovulating. Could you give temping another go and see if you can draw any conclusions from that while you are waiting for tests?

Thanks eurochick, I've been thinking about giving temping another go but my blood tests and scan suggested I ovulate so I didn't think it was something I had to check each month...Could I have EWCM each month but still not be ovulating? Hmmmm I wonder if I can get a thermometer that doesn't beep so Mr M can be non the wiser - I don't think he'd approve!

So glad to find this OP as I was just about to come on here and start a similar thread.

Am 27- nearly 28- with a 25yo DH and have been trying since Feb. had a marina coil in until then. Not had a sniff of a BFP although for the first 4 months bad regular 30 day cycles but both last month and this month have had two long cycles ending in a motherfucker of a period. Feel ill, fucked off and pretty awful

Like you basic scan and stuff indicate I'm ovulating and everything up there is normal.

So fed up with it and just wanted to vent and maybe get some support and give some support to you and anyone else going through this.

Hi somedizzywhore1804, I'm sorry that you've been having a hard time too!! Do you usually have longer cycles? Have you been to GP? What are you thinking about doing next? I'm thinking the next step may be SA but I know this won't go down very well with DH so I may put off bringing it up until in in the luteal phase. Thinking about maybe giving this temperature stuff another crack too...

Dizzy I conceived my DS on the first month trying. Had a mirena coil fitted after having him and when we started TTC again it took a lot longer than I'd expected. Went on various forums and spoke to my Dr and apparently it takes a good few months for your womb lining to build up properly after having it removed, so I was told to expect TTC to take 6-12 months after its removal.

Maybe have a look at Sperm Meets Egg Plan. I had a MMC and once I felt ready to try again we did this and conceived first month trying it. It's pretty intense though, so make sure its not a busy week at work :)

Thanks RockChick- that makes me fe a bit better to be honest. Thanks for the SME approach idea.

Maisy- I don't really know what my next step is. Logic tells me that it's not a very long time really and that I should just be patient. My DH is adamant it's just time and not to get too worked up but it's easy for him to say- his body isn't sending him nuts!

No I don't normally have cycles over 30 days but these last two have been weird and drawn out. My first couple of months I had long, drawn out beginnings to AF with brown blood which lasted a week or so but I started taking B Vitamins which seemed to sort that. But now I'm back to a drawn out start and weird symptoms like insanely painful boobs and backache.

I haven't seriously temped to be honest but that's because when I tried it my temperature never seemed to change.... Maybe I have a dodgy thermometer?!

Just feel a bit lost/hacked off with it all to be honest.

I was trying for 4 months, got a Clearblue Fertility Monitor & conceived the first month of using it. They're expensive (around £50 from Amazon, and the test sticks are about another £20) but you can sell the monitor on eBay once you've finished with it. Worth a go?

Whilst it is of little comfort while you are TTC, you need to bear in mind that the vast majority of couples (80%) will take up to a year to conceive and 90% will conceive within 2 years.

It took me 3 years to get my BFP (currently 10 weeks) so I know how stressful it can be.

If you are going to undergo testing, your DH will have to suck it up and and hand over a SA. There is no point in testing just one partner, and to be frank you will have to undergo far more invasive tests then he will so it is the least he can do!

Thank you all so much for your advice and suggestions.

Rockchick1984 I've looked at that plan and it seems straight forward enough. We tend to DTD most nights when I observe EWCM, I was actually thinking of trying only every other night this month from around CD10 to CD 23 as I tend to ovulate around DC20 and have a 32/33 day cycle.

WillSingForCake I've just invested in a proper BBT thermometer and some Ov sticks from Amazon so I'll see how I get on with them this month...May look at the CB Monitor if I don't get on with them.

SomeDizzyWhore1804 i think you do need a proper BBT thermometer as I previously tried with a normal one but I don't think it was sensitive enough.

FrankelInFoal Congratulations on your pregnancy! 3 years seems like quite a long time, you must think I'm being so impatient! You're right about DH and SA...I think I'll give it one more cycle before suggesting he sees the doc.

Maybe, did you have an ERPC after your mmc? I don't want to alarm you but I also fell pregnant immediately when we first started trying, but after a mmc and an ERPC I never fell pregnant again. Fourteen months later I had a lap & dye and they found a blocked fallopian tube. I am convinced this was caused by the ERPC although i know lots of women have them and go on to have babies. I find it strange that I went from instadiffer to infertile after the operation. Happily, I am now pregnant with an IVF baby. I'm ancient, though, so I'm not suggesting you will have to resort to that!

I would keep it in mind to ask for a lap & dye (private if NHS won't comply) if you are not pregnant by Christmas. I wish you all the best.

PramQueen1971 Congrats on your IVF baby! I did have an ERPC yes but it didn't even cross my mind that this could be affecting my TTC chances...Do you know if this is a fairly common problem? I did have a scan a couple of months ago but I assume that it wouldn't have been able to detect whether or not there was a tube blockage...

Maybe, i don't like to cause alarm, I really don't want that because, like I said, I know of women who went on to have babies after an ERPC. However, during my time here I have come across more than a few women who, like me, became infertile after the operation. I asked my consultant directly whether the ERPC could have been responsible for displacing tissue which then blocked my tube and he shrugged and said, 'we have no way of knowing'. All I know is this: I was an instadiffer eleven years ago (termination) and then last January but never again after the ERPC.

You will more than likely get pregnant again, Maybe (my consultant told me it is normal to have to wait six months or more after a miscarriage to fall pregnant again and that super-fertility immediately after miscarriage is largely a myth), but if in doubt get your tubes checked out.

Sorry to hijack thread, but feeling everyones frustrations here... am bloody 37 and ttc after having coil out. Now in month 5 and still no success. I am reassured to here the 'reality' of how long it can take after coil removal!!

I tried Boots ovulation sticks this last month but didnt really rate them, am going to go for the Clear Blue monitor moving forward.

I am just getting upset and stressed and slightly obssessed with dates, whats going on in my pants and every twinge I get.. urgh!

xx

Hi Liz, hang on in there! I know exactly what you mean, I was so obsessed with dates and timings, and oh my god the disappointment when the period arrives. The Clearblue monitor was my salvation to be honest - it really helped me to know that we'd dtd at the right time of the month to increase our chances. I got pg first month of using it, then I leant it to my friend who'd been trying for a few months, & she got pg first month too. So obviously I don't want to get your hopes up, but fingers crossed it works for you too. Good luck!

Thanks for the kind message! Thats made my mind up that we will def try ClearBlue...

Feels like all my eggs are just scrambled now and no good :-(

xx

WillSingForCake - did you get the Fertility monitor or the ovulation wee sticks???

I think my husband is now officially nervous as it approaches that time of the month... "drop your pants and get in the bedroom" probably needs a bit of work ;-)

L xx

The fertility monitor - its more useful as it can give you a few days notice of when you're going to ovulate (it measures oestrogen, which rises before you ovulate). These are good days to have sex as the sperm can live in your body for a few days.

Good luck!