TTC nearly 2 years. Am I the only one whose DH STILL doesn't get it?

[resipsa]

Feel so down today. Been trying since Sept 11. Had failed IVF cycle in May 13. After the sadness of that BFN, I truly hoped that DH would see just how important this TTC "stuff" is to me but it seems not. As AC failed, we're back to trying the old-fashioned way. My body says ovulation was probably yesterday or will be today. DH said he just "didn't fancy" sex last night or on Tues.

Am I the only one whose frustration at TTC is matched or surpassed by frustration at DH/P? Is it so hard just to get it up once or twice a month to give me hope? Of course, when he wants it, he usually gets it.

Is it possible that he's frustrated too? This has taken over every part of his life like it has yours.

Perhaps it upsets him to see you disappointed every month? Perhaps he's tired? Perhaps the pressure is too great? Perhaps he just doesn't fancy sex. Here on MN, a man trying to 'persuade' a woman to have sex would get very short shrift, and rightly so.

I'm sorry you're having to go through this. It must be awful for you both :(

Thanks for the reply. My post sounds self-indulgent on rereading!

I am sure that he is sad, frustrated etc but he says that he wants to conceive and yet won't take the steps to achieve what (he says) he wants. It's the illogic of it that frustrates me.

Part of me really is beginning to wonder if he gives a shit about it, really. Or about me.

Stupid question but have you tried talking to him about it and finding out what he feels rather than second guessing? Did he know it was a critical time when he said he was tired? Did you warn him a couple of days before that it was coming up to shag week? If I tell my DP that we need to start upping our game and give him the critical days we both know we have to make time for it on those days and if we're likely to be tired in the evening we dtd in the morning or straight after work before going out. If you're just springing it on him he might geniunely just be tired!

I think you're allowed to be self-indulgent in your situation. But so is your DH.

Yy talk to him.

We've talked until we're hoarse.

I've tried the "advance warning" method but am told that's too pressured. I've tried the "no pressure" approach and that means it might not happen.

This month I jovially suggested at the w/end that we try every other day (without specifying a start date) and you know how that went.

I think the reality probably is that he doesn't want it like I do and that's tricky to come to terms with when you feel that time is running out.

Speaking as someone who's alternated between being sane and bonkers about this, it's a careful line between dtd more often when ttc and making the whole process perfunctory, a chore and un enjoyable. I have felt rancid in this hot weather and have not been sleeping well and currently I would struggle to have the energy to dtd that often. I am currently feeling like jacking the whole process in as im fed up with it all. It sounds like you need to ask him how he is feeling and where he is at with it.

My DH is exactly the same. If he tries too hard to 'get in the mood' or begins to feel stressed he finds it almost impossible to ejaculate.

And I then have to 'finish him off' with a hand or blow job [sorry if tmi!]

But I found what worked was not telling him all about my ovulatory cycle... so obviously I kept track of it but kept schtum... just tried to have relaxed regular sex most of the month but stepped it up a little around actual ovulation...

Oh and the times I gave him a hand/blow job I would make sure he ejaculated on my hand and then surreptiously placed the sperm inside me... Again sorry if tmi but then I felt that no attempt was wasted iyswim and this made me less stressed and resentful overall.

And all this did work in that I ultimately got pregnant and DH was delighted!

I really hope it works out for you and I know how stressful and frustrating it all is