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Conception

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Accepting that having a family means getting pregnant.

8 replies

Devonmisfit · 20/07/2013 19:55

I've just about accepted that having a family will have to begin with getting pregnant Sad and I'm finding the idea of surrendering my body difficult to come to terms with! Lots of friends seem overjoyed to find out they're pregnant. I am dreading it !!
Does anyone else like the idea of being a parent, but maybe found the idea of pregnancy hard. I'm scared I'll lose my identity, and that people will just see the bump. And worse that my body won't be able to do the things it can now. Am I over reacting or am I on to something with the idea of getting a surrogate!

OP posts:
RudolphLovesoftplay · 20/07/2013 20:12

I had my family without being pregnant as my boys are adopted. Could that be an option for you if you fear the psychological trauma of pregnancy?

I would say though, that I have never looked at a pregnant woman and just seen her bump. Being pregnant is a very special time, you might just enjoy it!

Devonmisfit · 20/07/2013 20:25

Adoption was my first choice :) but this isn't an option for my partner who really wants a child that is biologically his. I think the idea of adopting is wonderful, such a lovely way to have a family.

OP posts:
Buzzybee123 · 21/07/2013 19:12

there is surrogacy but it can be costly, pregnancy is different for everyone, some love it some hate, what exactly do you think your body will stop doing???

Weathergirl1 · 23/07/2013 17:51

No, I don't think you are. I never thought I'd not have children of my own while I was growing up, however, as soon as we got engaged and it became a distinct reality that I might be expected to have a child in the near future I thought about the implications and realised that I really didn't feel like I could go through with it.

My husband knew about this before we got married, and while he still wants a child and hopes that I change my mind, he's not pressurising me to do so. We've discussed adoption but he, like your partner, isn't interested in raising a child that isn't ours.

For me, it's the thought of my body changing and never being the same again. I'm comfortable in my own skin the way it is, and while it might change as I get older, that'll be a gradual change rather than over 9-months. I'm not 100% adverse to having a child to look after, but I don't crave one enough to feel prepared to put myself through something like pregnancy and childbirth, if that makes sense? From reading forums, I know that people who suffer from tokophobia say that they'd cope with a c-section, but frankly that scares the life out of me too, probably even worse than the thought of a natural birth.

Anyway, sorry I've not been of much help, but I thought it might help to know that you're not the only person who feels like that. It made me feel a lot better to know that I wasn't alone when I started to research all this.

I guess I'm constantly being reminded about children because I've hit the age when everyone I know is having theirs, so it's a constant reminder on Facebook etc...

eurozammo · 23/07/2013 20:14

Maybe the time is not right for you. In my 20s, it seemed like the most repulsive thing in the world. Now it is the thing I want most. I just wasn't ready when I was younger.

Snazzyenjoyingsummer · 23/07/2013 21:31

I don't know if this'll be helpful. But I have another perspective to offer. I became seriously ill a number of years ago and the illness changed both the appearance of my body in certain ways and also affected what it could do. There is absolutely nothing to be done about this, and I (like many others in a similar position) have just had to live with it. I had no warning of this, either. What I'm trying to say is that there are plenty of other ways for the thing you fear - your body not being able to do the same things, losing the ability to do some things - to happen besides pregnancy. It could happen tomorrow. You might be surprised at how well you'd cope if it did. You would be a changed person, but you'd also still be you.
Incidentally, I got pregnant after all this, having been told it might be very difficult, and actually got on really well with it and was pleasantly surprised at what my flawed body could do.

I'm not trying to say, 'Oh, just suck it up and get pregnant'. Clearly that's going to be hard to cope with. But I would think about how much of this is specific to pregnancy and how much is about other body/identity issues. Have you spoken to a counsellor about this?

duchesse · 23/07/2013 21:44

My friends have a lovely family of 4 children without pregnancy involved.

If it helps however, my sister was ultra-squeamish and very worried about pregnancy (as you say you are), until she accidentally got pregnant. Then the happy hormones took over. That's not to say that it happens to everyone, but it can happen.

Sarahmains40 · 23/07/2013 22:09

Hi I feel the same I've been with my OH for 10 years and I keep putting it off the whole pregnancy thing scares me soooooo much. But my overwhelming broody ness has made me put my worries to the bk of my mind. Perhaps when I do get my BFP those fears may come bk and Probably will. I did speak about adopting with my OH but he didn't want to. I've decided I'm to broody to not get pregnant now but my hubby and I have agreed if it still freaks me out 2 nd around we will look in to adoption. I have to say adoption seems more scary now but I don't no much about it. Each to there own. Your not alone in feeling like this though

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