Maybe trying too hard?

[Tebovito0906]

Hello all, I'm new to Mumsnet. I fell pregnant last September, within just a month of trying. We were so surprised and over the moon as we heard that sometimes it can take couples at least a year. When my dh and I went for the 12 week scan we found out that our baby only measured 9 weeks and had no heartbeat, it was absolutely devastating for us as we both wanted to become parents. I had no signs throughout 12 weeks to make me worried, not even spotting. I was feeling tires nauseous etc. I had to have a d&c on 2nd of January. Doc. said we can start ttc when I stop bleeding. Since then we've been trying and trying! Around the time I had my missed miss carriage there were about another 10 people I knew also lost theirs, some naturally some same as me. A lot of them are now pregnant with healthy babies. We tried the ovulation kits and I found that I was getting very stressed about it. Dh and I now ttc around ovulation but sometimes it feels like a chore rather than fun. I can't help but get jealous of people around me falling pregnant. I thought that I'd have been pregnant by now especially my due date has gone past :-( Everyone around me are telling me to relax and it will happen but I find it so hard to relax. Every time we ttc the first thing that pops in my heads is I wonder if it will happen this time. I went to my gp, she's very supportive and says that it'll happen. I'm just wondering if anyone out there having the same problem and how can I relax? Thank you for reading this. Wish you all the best.

"Relax and it will happen" is just about the most annoying thing someone can say to a couple TTC. Their comments are always based in anecdotal evidence (their friend's, cousin's next door neighbour) when in fact recent scientific research shows that stress has little effect on TTC.

You say you are concentrating on having sex around your ovulation time, but are you sure you have your ovulation pinpointed correctly? Being only a day or so out can make all the difference as the egg only lives for about 24 hours. Ovulation kits are not 100% reliable as they only detect the surge of hormones that occurs before ovulation tales place. In reality your body may have this surge several times before ovulation actually takes place.

The best thing to do is aim to have sex 2-3 times a week through your cycle as this will give you the best chance of timing it right with your ovulation but also takes some of the pressure off as it is a regular thing, rather than a forced situation.

Good luck.

I appreciate its infuriating and I can't begin to imagine the frustration, disappointment and sadness of long term ttc. But I think the irritation about people saying relax to you is more about the implication that the non conception is somehow your fault. 'If you weren't trying so hard you'd be pregnant'

I'd want to smack em right in the baby maker too.

I sincerely believe that w all these things different people have different things work for them. The evidence suggests that a change of scene, stopping fertility treatment etc do often result in pregnancy. Obviously we ant tell whether that pregnancy would have happened without it.

I got stressed out about it all last month. Didn't ovulate for the first time in 15 years. Can't help think its connected.

There's a female partner of a law firm in the city renowned for fucking up people's baby making ability. It's a bit of a joke that women can't conceive working under her because its such a head fuck and do immediately upon handing in their notice.

So I'm not saying dont get fed up, angry and annoyed. I can see why you do. But I don't think you should be dismissive either. Particularly to people who do still have an open mind about it. And finally, do try to remember that when people say it its only because they genuinely want to say something useful. It's not personal and they want to support you.

Thank you ladies, it's very stressful this ttc thing. I'm trying to do my best. I'm just curious how other people in my situation relax and take their minds off it. :-)

I found acupuncture and exercise helped immensely. Also just staying busy, doing fun things and making nice plans.

frankel is right about having regular sex throughout your cycle. I'm pregnant now and seem to have conceived on or around CD26, which is miles off when I thought I would ovulate. Best of luck.

Thank you, I thought about hypnotherapy, I might give it a go. I've also started doing Zumba so it'll give me something else to focus on. Very happy for you that you're pregnant. Wish you all the best. X

Yoga really helps to relax. It's nice to stretch your muscles and at the end there is time for relaxation. You get to spend some time not thinking about your worries and you also learn how to relax, breathe and meditate that you can apply at home. And by meditating I don't mean the ommmm stuff, just clearing your mind whilst focusing on your breathing. It helps me to reduce stress.

I tried the ovulation kits but felt that I was getting very stressed out, so decided not to bother with them. I'm trying to think that what will be will. Champagnebubble like you said, I'm trying not to live my life around ttc. Thank you all so much for your support. I feel so much better and positive with all this advice and support. X