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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

How and why it happens to others

17 replies

sofarsogood · 05/06/2006 10:26

Ive just been reading a thread where someone conceived on a CD you wouldnt expect to conceive on and it got me thinking about how hard it is for some people, including me, to get pregnant.

Yet it happens so easilly to people who dont want it.

I know a few people who fell pregnant at 16 and didnt want it but went on to have beautifull babies and also when you see on TV people high on drugs like hereoin and they get pregnant.

Just doesnt seem fair does it!

Been trying for 2 1/2 years now and under investigation so feeling a bit miffed and down.
Like many I expected when I came of BCP I would be pregnant within 3 to 6 months. How wrong was I?

Ok sorry to moan.............

G x

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Original poster

sofarsogood · 05/06/2006 10:28

Just to add I want to say Congratulations to people who have managed to become pregnant, I dont want to sound like a miserable woman who hates people who has babies because I cant, Im not that bad-lol!

G x

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LaylaandSethsmum · 05/06/2006 10:29

no you're right life isn't fair sometimes. But at least you are having investigations now and have hope .It took 2.5 yrs to conceive DD and 2 yrs to conceive DS. I found the best way was to stop 'trying' so hard!!!Most people get there in the end

expatinscotland · 05/06/2006 10:29

I got pregnant from being an idiot - 'withdrawal method' LOL b/c we were both randy and how dumb can you get b/c we were both 30 and he was a doctor, ffs! It was my cycle day 24, too.

Although I did plan to keep the baby and go it alone - was 30 at the time - I miscarried at 10 weeks.

Then when I got married and we started trying, it took months.

There's no justice in this world.

I hope it works out for you, but honestly, there is no justice in the world at all, not just w/regards to getting pregnant, either.

wannaBe1974 · 05/06/2006 11:06

I think that life can seem very unfair sometimes, not just in terms of ttc but in terms of a lot of things. I do think though that there’s some truth in the saying that the good things come to those who wait. It took me 13 months to conceive my ds, but now when I look back I wouldn’t have it any other way. If I’d conceived sooner I would have had a different child, and my life would now be at a totally different point. I’m so glad that I have the ds I now have, he was the child I was meant to have and I love him more than life itself. It’s very hard to keep sight of that though, even now that we’ve been trying for baby no 2 for 13 months and are really at the point of giving up. I know that if I don’t fall pg now it will be devastating, but if I do then it will have taken me so long because this is the baby I am meant to have.

I do also think that it’s easy to see what others have as being unfair because it’s what you want, but imo for that 16 year old, life has dealt a bloody severe blow by getting her pregnant. I can’t think of anything worse than having a baby at 16, no offence to anyone who has done that through choice, but definitely can’t imagine falling pregnant unexpectedly when so young. And how fair is life to the baby of that drug addict.

I think it’s better to look at the positives we have in our lives, rather than envying what others have and wishing that it was ours. Sure the 16 year old and the drug addict may have babies, but I wouldn’t want the rest of their lives for any money in the world.

Original poster

sofarsogood · 05/06/2006 11:23

Glad Im not the only one who feels this way. Its nice to know I can share these feelings and as daft as I feel Im not alone.

Thanks everyone.

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Hopecat · 05/06/2006 11:24

Doctors are the worst expat. My BFs a Doc and used the withdrawal method as contraception for 3 years. Eventually got PG and was really surprised. Think that medical school gives them a false sense of omniscience.

I was absolutely rigid on contraception use until I met The One (DH), and then found out he didn't produce any sperm naturally after we'd been going out for about a month. So I haven't used any contraception for five years.

I'm afraid I don't believe in things being 'meant' - I think we're adrift in a cold universe and stuff just happens. I find the thought oddly comforting. I may not have a baby, and that will be devastating. But I'll get on with it and find fulfillment elsewhere. [smile}

Sosfarsogood - understand your frustration entirely and hope you get your answers soon.

muma3 · 05/06/2006 11:29

i would just like to add (and i can see excatly where your coming from sofarsogood) that the first thing i thought of (at the ripe old age of 15 ) was how lucky i was . my mums friend was trying hard for a baby at the time being nearly 20 years older then me . since, everytime i think about how other woman cant get pregnant , i look at my daughters and i am so grateful that i have them . i do sympathise with ladies who cant concieve

good luck hun i really mean that xx

Angsthase · 05/06/2006 11:35

Think you're right Wannabe, but can also understand where you're coming from sofar.

When we have moments of envy, (which I think are completely natural btw), we should try to think of something we have that we should be grateful for to put it in perspective. I know how hard this is, but think it's sometimes the only way through a difficult moment.

Nicola63 · 05/06/2006 11:39

I always feel guilty about it, but these very thoughts cross my mind frequently these days. I work in a field where I often see people who have children they did not want/ cannot care for/ have abused, even seriously injured or killed. It is sometimes very difficult when I have no child at all, and would love and care for one for all I was worth.

I don't believe, either, about things being "meant", but sometimes I just wish I had done things differently, as my life choices have in fact led durectly to my situation. I stayed married for over 17 years to the wrong man, in a relationship where having a baby was not an option, and spent all my young life persuing a career. Now over 40 and realising I may have left it too late, so of course blame myself for that, so feel all the more guilty.

Pruni · 05/06/2006 11:47

I always think other people's fertility has no impact on ours (we need ivf) so don't get jealous as such. But it's hard when people get pg very quickly and boast about it.

suzi2 · 05/06/2006 11:48

lol at the doctors thing... my GP where I used to live had 7 kids... I'm not sure he understood contraception either

It's not fair. I've been lucky as DS was conceived fairly quickly. My friend conceived her first by accident. But has been TTC her second for a couple of years now. I just doesn't make much sense.

One thing I do know though, is that stress hormones shut down non essential processes in the body, those being conception and digestion. It's all to do with the caveman 'fight or flight' reaction. So there is something to be said for relaxing - though I know that's near impossible when TTC. Although thinking about it, when DS was conceived we were relaxed as we thought we had mistimed it and I was also getting regular (weekly) massage.

Original poster

sofarsogood · 05/06/2006 13:44

Thanks everyonw for your messages. I guess Im just feeling sorry for myself at the moment.

I do think though alot of people would be luck to be in my position. I am getting married to the most amazing man in 5 weeks and we have a lovely home together. If I cant have children its not the end of the world and my hubby to be is more important to me than anything.

G x

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Pruni · 05/06/2006 17:36

Hey sofar, best wishes for the wedding and very very good luck with the baby thing. xxP

Natty1806 · 05/06/2006 19:54

Good luck on your future weeding, at least it is giving you something to focus on.

Not sure who said it, but i also agree things happen for a reason.

even though i find it hard sometimes that me and my boyfriend have so far failed to conceive i do believe that when it does or does not happen i will then look back in a year or so and see why it did or did not happen then.

I have a few experiences like this, when i am in a situation and at the time it is terible but then a few months or years later it all makes sense and something good usually comes out of it.

Not sure if any of this made sense but i know what i mean

Original poster

sofarsogood · 05/06/2006 20:03

I know what you mean Natty.

I guess going through this makes me the person I am and although I could easilly live without the heartache, the pain of infertility is something I wouldnt wish on my worst enemy.

I guess in some ways Im waiting for my baby to be made and its taking a long time because its so special. Does that make sense? It does to me

Thanks everyone for my wedding wishes

G x

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Natty1806 · 05/06/2006 20:34

Yep makes sense to me - think we are on the same wave length

Original poster

sofarsogood · 05/06/2006 22:50

Finally someone who understands me !!

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