Legs in the air.

[Writerwannabe83]

Hello ladies

A colleague of mine told me that in order to increase the chance of conception I should lie on my back with my legs up against a wall for half an hour post sex!!

Obviously I know it is silly - but I still did it last night!!!

Also - this is a seriously TMI question but I do need to ask it.

After sex, how much sperm do you find leaks out of you??

Even after having my legs up for the wall for about 15 minutes I still found there was quite a lot of leakage when I stood up, haha.

I can't believe I'm talking about this!

I guess I just thought that all the sperm would be shot up to where it needed to be???

[yamsareyammy]

Hi international, found you from hte other thread.
I see that soem of the questions have already been answered.

I suppose I am curious above all.
Curious that you are talking about it on 2 threads. Amd I wonder why.
I dont agree with a poster on here who said that MN would be shocked. I could be wrong, but I dont find MN that shockable.

I think, and I could be wrong, that you do feel guilty.
Or it could be a case of a bit of attention seeking, saying it on MN.

I wasnt sure, from what you have already written, and I do not get all the acronyms on this thread, if your DD was conceived in this way as well?

These are not the original questions I was going to ask, but never mind.

[internationallove985]

Hi Yamsareyummy. I'm glad you found out all you wanted to know, but to defend myself it was another poster that mentioned about what I am doing on the Chat thread. xx

[yamsareyammy]

Yes, so it was. Sorry international.

I do have other questions actually though.
I was wondering
do you like him
does he like you
is he married
did you know him before you started the weds and fris

You dont have to answer those.
Actually I have one more after that, if you are ok with it.

[yamsareyammy]

I think I will ask it now.
Being gentle, do you think you are doing all this to replace the little girl that you miscarried?
[I realise that may be too hard a question to answer].

[AuntieMaggie]

I was actually wondering if I should be putting my legs in the air so glad to see it makes no difference

Started ttc a few weeks ago and still getting used to the mess - I like Writerwannabe83s idea of using DPs pillow and swapping it so I might have to try it

[internationallove985]

Hi Yamsareyummy. I already have a D.D and she was not a replacement for the baby I lost, as I believe life is so precious that it can't be replaced.
I only became broody in March and I started trying in April. It (broodiness) just came from nowhere. There was a time when I was thinking about sterillisation and my friend said "No, don't because you might wake up broody and not know why, and it seems she was right! xx
Do I like him.... I certainly can't say i dislike him, but I doubt we'll ever get married, but as the saying goes never say never
Does he like me.... Well he does at the time.. I'm sure you get my meaning
He was initially O.N.S but he asked for my number and we see each other twice a week.
His he married.... Well I honestly don't know that do I... xx

[RaRaZ]

You are sure in an 'interesting' situation, International. I don't like what you're doing (as I've said - I don't mean to go on about it), but I find it interesting. I'm ttc atm and it hasn't worked instaneously. As I had a mc before this, I'm struggling and taking herbal ADs. I can kinda understand a person's desperation to conceive, though I wouldn't be so arrogant to compare myself to people who have tried and failed for years. So I guess I'm trying to say I can kinda see your reasons though I would never go with your method.

Can I ask:

Would you have told the ONS if you hadn't lost the baby?

Was your DD conceived with a ONS/FWB?

How old are you?


Goes without saying - I hope - that you don't have to answer those. My nosiness is my problem! I sure envy your fertility though - it sounds like you've got pg exactly when you've wanted to so far.

[yamsareyammy]

Realistically, he probably is married.

You are afraid to ask too many questions. You probably dont want to know at this point.

I have to say it is nothing like my life, so I struggle to understand.

My guess is that your childhood wasnt straightforward?

[internationallove985]

Hi RaRaz. Would I have told the O.N.S if I hadn't lost the baby.... Honestly I'm not really sure...
My D.D's conception... I met him in a pub on a Tuesday night. We went on the Friday dtd, but decided we weren't suited... I don't think I suit anyone! The mold was certainly broken when I was made. I can tell you. I didn't tell him about D.D. I had my reasons. xx
HiYamsareyummy. My childhood was fine thank you. Let's not get too personal. My life is nothing like yours, so. You struggle to understand Well I do apologise but we can't all be perfect!. xx

[yamsareyammy]

I try not to judge people, only behaviour.

Right near the beginning I think you said you do not feel any guilt. Is that any guilt about anything you do?

[valiumredhead]

IF he is married then he should wear a condom. IF there is a baby then it shouldn't really come as a surprise seeing as he hasn't ever discussed contraception

6 of one and half a dozen of the other as my nan used to say.

[internationallove985]

Of course there are things I feel guilty about... I'm a human being, but letting a man use me for convenient sex is not one of them because I can promise you he is just as eager as I am... I'm not going to come on here and say sorry for being broody... xx

[valiumredhead]

Nor should you.

[valiumredhead]

Say sorry I mean.

[internationallove985]

Hi Valiumredhead. Thankyou for your kind words. xx

[FrankSpenser]

You won't outright tell him what your do because you know deep down he'll put a stop to your 'appointments' and you'll never see him again.

I grew up without my dad. Didn't know him, what he looked like, why/how he and mum met and splitt. Mum delibratly kept me in the dark about him and very mistakenly believed I could skip through life not needing to know him. It didn'tmatter to her, because she was selfish and naive.

I still had issues that I carry with around with to this very day and I dont think they'll ever really leave me. just consider your children just may subjected to similar. And its really grim.

[FrankSpenser]

Whatever you decide to do....either way, something ill thought may come back to bite you in the bum in the least expected way, wether months from now or decades later.

There are other ways, if needs must that arent so immoral.

Lesser of two evils, for turn of phrase.

[internationallove985]

Hi Frankspenser. Of course I'm not going to tell him about my plans. Well I may more likely will not get what I want if I'm honest. Like I said previously I was honest once and it came back to bite me so ever since then I've been decietful. xxx

[yamsareyammy]

Do you mean that you were honest with him once about something else, and it came back to bite you?

And are you taking a risk that your new son or daughter will not be like FrankSpenser?

[Vikkijayne2507]

Ive been reading with interest, and I just want to give a little word of warning to international. My partner had a ds with his ex. She was 5 months prg when he found out accidently she was prg (they had spilt soon after she got pg and she had told him she was on the pill) She did everything to keep him away from ds we went through the courts etc etc and we now see him most days and weekends and holidays.

Just be prepared for him actually wanting to be in the childs life more than you want if you are successful. I dont know you or him and so cant and shouldnt pass judgement

[RaRaZ]

Re Frank Spenser's post, International (I'm assuming this is in a similar vein, but apologies to Frank if not): are you aware of the stats on children, especially girls, brought up without fathers? The huge rise in problems such as (extremely) underage sex, inability to form adult relationships with men, drug abuse, confidence issues, and mental health problems when compared with girls who have fathers in their lives? Ofc, plenty of children are brought up without a father through no fault of theirs or their mothers, but it seems risky and unfair to me to deliberately inflict this on your child/ren.

Also, as a point of interest, you've said that you 'don't dislike' your FWB. If he's not all that important to you and you don't have any strong feelings for him, why is he good enough to father your child/ren? That seems odd to me. As an accident, yeah, but personally I can't imagine planning to have a child fathered by someone who wasn't aware and for whom I had no particular feelings.

[Writerwannabe83]

I agreeRaRaz, plus, what is this guys history? You say yourself you don't even know if he is married yet you are prepared to have a child with him? And if he is married, does he have other children?

Your unborn child could have brothers and sisters they would never know about?

And if he does have children, maybe he hasn't discussed contraception with you because he's had a Vasectomy??
You'd be wasting your time then wouldn't you?

Or on his side of the family there may be a serious genetic related health problem that you would then be inflicting on your daughter without your knowledge. Physical health problems or mental health problems, you just don't know.

There are so many risks involved in having a child with a man you don't know - they may just be providing sperm but that sperm may be holding a lot of DNA/Genetics that you really might not like.

But most importantly, as has been said my myself and others, for a child to purposefully be raised without a dad is heartbreaking, it really is. Like I said, I can't imagine my life without mine - even though I'm 29 years old he is everything to me.

Are you close to your own dad? Maybe your relationship with him is having some impact on your thoughts about it not mattering whether your children have a dad or not?

[FrankSpenser]

Correction Yams: International IS taking the risk.

[FrankSpenser]

Excellent point made regarding Vasectomy.

Excellent point made regarding DNA/Genetic traits.

When I was pregnant and having the standard appointments with the midwife, all kinds of questions were asked regarding health issues within the family. ie, diabetes, cancer, sickle cell (very a real possibility with me because of my dual ethnicity) and so on.

I was stumped for answers as I simply did not know.

I have found out now on my fathers side there are immediatefamily members who suffer from the same delibattating illness, genetic of course.

This is another risk you're taking.