Legs in the air.

[Writerwannabe83]

Hello ladies

A colleague of mine told me that in order to increase the chance of conception I should lie on my back with my legs up against a wall for half an hour post sex!!

Obviously I know it is silly - but I still did it last night!!!

Also - this is a seriously TMI question but I do need to ask it.

After sex, how much sperm do you find leaks out of you??

Even after having my legs up for the wall for about 15 minutes I still found there was quite a lot of leakage when I stood up, haha.

I can't believe I'm talking about this!

I guess I just thought that all the sperm would be shot up to where it needed to be???

[Writerwannabe83]

I agree - you need to think of the child, not yourself.

Say your FBW decides he doesn't want anything to do with you or the baby??

Which is a very real possibility considering you have deceived him to get pregnant behind his back.

How are you going to explain to your child why s/he doesn't have a daddy?

Dad's have a huge role to play in bringing up children and to deny a child that male influence just isn't right.

I absolute love my dad and when I was growing up I thought he was the most amazing person ever - I can't even imagine not having grown up with one

No child should be forced to grow up without a dad - especially a dad that wants them and loves them.

I agree that your FWB should definitely wear a condom and he has been an idiot really for not even discussing contraception with you - BUT - that doesn't mean you have the right to make such a monumentous decision to have a baby without his agreement.

[valiumredhead]

Good post winter

[internationallove985]

Magzfargharson.
1 Where did I say I was proud of what I am doing, but for the record I will/ do climb over people to get what I want I always have and I always will.
2 The reason why I am ttc is my business and my business alone. How dare you assume that I do not have a job! Whether I work, what I do for a living is my business. CERTAINLY NOT YOURS!!!! Are ttc just so you can 12 months maternity leave? You're not the only one who can jump to conclusions.
4 I am using a man for sex, so what! He ain't complaining!
5 if I do get pregnant I am not forcing him to stick around, but if he doesn't like it my reply will be "What did you think was going to happen when we having unprotected sex".
6 It may come as no shock to you but I do not give a hoot about unwritten rules. x

[Writerwannabe83]

5 if I do get pregnant I am not forcing him to stick around, but if he doesn't like it my reply will be "What did you think was going to happen when we having unprotected sex".

Does he know it is unprotected though?
i.e does he know you aren't using contraception?

Mind you, even if he does think you're on the Pill, it isn't 100% guaranteed to prevent pregnancy, so really, he should be using condoms too if he wanted to be completely sure you wouldn't fall pregnant.

Maybe you should just ask him outright about TTC - you said yourself earlier that he might be after a 'happy accident' himself??

[internationallove985]

Hi Winterwannabe83. I can't risk talking to him about it. I tried being honest once (about a different situation) and it blew up in my face so never again! and the older I am getting the easier I am finding it to be scheming.
Like I say he might be all for it but then again he could run a million miles. xxx

[Writerwannabe83]

How long has he been FWB?
And is it an exclusive situation you both have?

If so, it may be he feels something for you if he isn't seeing any other women?

Could you see yourself ever being in a relationship with him??

[Writerwannabe83]

And how old are you both if you don't mind me asking?
Does he have any children already?

[internationallove985]

I met him in May. we had well what I thought was going to be a O.N.S. He asked for my number and we have been seeing each other Wed and Fri. He is nice, we get on well but there is no emotional attachment there, and I call it making love which probably make a mockery of it! but I hate the word shag, it sounds so degrading but whether I like it or not the true analysis is and it makes me cringe to write this word but regardless or whether I like it or not he isn't making love to me he is shagging me!
I suppose I am hoping to ttc rather than ttc. xxx

[Writerwannabe83]

Well, just be careful that he isn't having unprotected sex with other girls as well as you.

Nothing quite like an STI to ruin your infertility.....

[Suzietwo]

MOON CUPS??
nutters

[rob99]

Jesus, I can't believe what I'm reading.

[MissStrawberry]

It really is so depressing.

Having a baby is such a huge thing and there are people who decide someone they barely know is the right person to be a father to their child.

Grow up, seriously.

[Bunnygirlie]

[shocking]

[Bunnygirlie]

[ZolaBuddleia]

International, have many children do you have, and what will you say to them/him/her about where the new sibling has come from?

[newforest]

It is pretty disgusting to treat another human being in that way. Having a child should always be a choice made by both parties. It shouldn't be assumed because he hasn't asked about contraception. There is every chance he thinks you are on the pill etc because you haven't mentioned using condoms. I know someone who did this to a man and she is now disliked by all her friends and the man in question has fled to another town.

[Writerwannabe83]

And it is the poor child that suffers.

Also, even though the man has fled (understandable?) for the rest of his life he will always be plagued by the knowledge that somewhere out there is his child - what a pressure to have on you. What if 10 years down the line he realises he wants to meet his child, how does he know where to find him/her.

And what example does it set to your child when you explain that in order to have him/her you deceived a man you hardly knew and it is your fault she doesn't have a biological dad?

The whole picture is very tragic really

[MissStrawberry]

No, not understandable for a man to flee when the woman he was sleeping with got pregnant. Men should always use a condom even if the woman says she has been sterilised. STI's, anyone?!?!

[Writerwannabe83]

I meant he might flee if he knew she was purposefully tricking him in order to fall pregnant. I Should have been clearer, sorry.

I was talking about this kind of thing to my husband last night (about the wife who had her coil removed behind her husband's back even though he had said no to more children) and I asked him if he could ever stay with someone that he knew had deceived him in that way. He said absolutely not and he was horrified to think it would even happen x x

[newforest]

Regardless of the fact men should always wear a condom, at least with a casual partner, tricking someone into creating another person is one of the worst kinds of deceit. Having a baby is a huge responsibility; it is a life choice which should not be forced on any person, man or woman.

[RaRaZ]

International, how can you not see what a terrible thing you are doing?! Ofc your FWB is an idiot for not using a condom, but that's a different argument - you are actively ttc with a man who not only doesn't know this, but also most likely doesn't want it! I can't understand how you can possibly think this is ok. It's not fair on the man, not fair on the child you may have (and, for the first time ever on these boards, I'm seriously hoping that the OP is not successful in ttc), and not not really fair on you either - who are you planning to turn to when things get tough during the pg? Who's gonna hold your hand when the pain of ligaments stretching makes you cry? Who's gonna comfort you if you mc? Who's gonna be excited with you when your waters break? Who's gonna be there with you when you're in labour? No doubt you're going to say either that you have a friend/mother you can rely on, or that you can do it all on your own. Are you going to be honest with your friends and family and the hospital staff when they ask who (and where) the father is? Are you proud enough of what you've done to stand up tall and say to people that you tricked a man into fathering your child and that the child will never know their father because of what you did? Can't imagine that even in your skewed world many people are ok with that.

On another note, have you heard of sperm banks?? At least the men who donate KNOW what they are doing and are prepared to be fathers at least in one sense of the word.

I sincerely hope that you are not planning to make your FWB pay child maintenance when/if the time comes. Is that all you want, sperm and a little money? You were outraged when someone suggested before that you were just ttc so you didn't have to work, so I'm assuming you do work. Surely, then, you should have enough intelligence and be surrounded by enough normal people to see that what you're doing is WRONG. You are the very definition of a predatory woman, and that is not something to be proud of. I think you've done the almost impossible and shocked the Mumsnet community. Well done you.

[HadALittleFaithBaby]

RaRa just to say - I totally agree with you - but it's not the OP who is TTC with her FWB. International posted later and that's what this thread appears to be focused on now.

[Writerwannabe83]

RaRa, what a very good post, lots of good points raised and well said

I will forgive you for saying you hope the OP doesn't conceive . I promise not to hold you responsible if I get a BFN x x x

[RaRaZ]

Ooops! Yes, very good point there - my apologies to the true OP and her (willing!!!) partner! I would say, Writer, that being in an honest relationship where ttc is what you both want and are both aiming for, is a damn good start and makes you far more deserving and far more likely to make a good parent. Fingers crossed for you!