We have one ds, nearly 4, who was conceived the first month of trying.
Since then we've been TTC the second for nine months. I had a feeling from the start that something was wrong (no idea why) so we asked for tests quite early on. It turns out my dh has practically no normal shaped sperm and the ones he does have aren't swimming very quickly. Although the specialist said it wasn't impossible with our results (the count is high at least) it was extremely unlikely. We would probably need icsi to conceive.
I have had tests to show I'm ovulating (which I knew, every 28 days without fail) and I was originally referred for an hsg simply to rule that out and I did have a c section first time round. I'm not sure whether to bother with the hsg and even if there was a problem with me I don't think it matters much, dh's results are so poor that I don't think we will ever conceive naturally. It was also a shock to dh since we conceived so easily the first time round he'd been expecting to again (although I told him it doesn't work like that) but I must admit it's a bit of a shift to go from immediately getting pregnant to needing icsi.
So now we're trying to decide whether or not to pay privately for icsi. I can't shake this feeling that I will NEVER have another baby and if I'm honest I felt that as soon as I'd had ds. Not for any particular reason and I'm not at all woo but just a deep down know it in my heart feeling. With that in mind I'm not sure it's worth wasting £4500 on icsi. Dh thinks I'm mad by the way.
I'm not sure why I'm posting really. I just feel so sad about it all. Ds is growing so fast and I keep thinking I'll never have this again. I know I'm lucky because at least I've experienced it once and I know I was lucky to get pregnant first time round. But I'm still struggling. And I also think (and I know this is awful) but I think if anything happened to ds, that's it. No more babies, no more children. I have like a physical need to have a baby.