Only one?

[Donbean]

Think that i have made my mind up to only have the one.
DS is nearly 3 and has been and still is hard hard work.
Up until now we have always talked about "when" we have another, not "if", but ive been thinking about it for a while and dont think that i can cope with another.
The problems with 2 overwhelm me more than the problems of 1 ever did.
What do you think?

I'm completely biased as a mother of 5 Donbean.

Children can be so different. I think that you have to do what feels completely right to you. Try to look ahead 10 years. Will you regret not having any more?

I can't help, I'm sorry.

What made you decide to go on after your first Marslady?

Afraid I'd be no help either as I have 5 too.

Everyone has their limits - if yours is one then that's fine and you shouldn't be pressured either way by anyone.

I have thought about having no.6 but no.5 is an absolute monkey and I know for a fact that I could not and would not want to cope with another. I feel my baby days are now most def behind me. If we had another I think my marriage would most def suffer and I value that far more.

So did it come naturally to you, the thought of having more children or did you have to think long and hard?

tbh it's not something I remember consciously thinking about. What i do remember is having an overwhelming desire to be pregnant again once the first was just over a year old. With no.2 and no.3 I fell pregnant when the one before was about 15-16 months which made for a 2.4 year gap betwenn each of my older 3.

I do remember that dh1 was less enthusiastic than me and I guess if he had been more forthright with his objections, I may have thought longer and harder about going for subsequent kids. Especially for no.3. Looking back it would have been far more sensible to have stopped at 2 with dh1. For me, going for no.3 was an attempt at searching for something I was lacking with dh1 iyswim.

Can i be really nosey and ask why you are so worried about going for no.2? Tell me to piss off if you like though!

No. 2 was almost a given. I decided that I didn't want DS1 to be an only and also I just wanted another one. I used to dream that I would be the mother of 4 sons lol.

We stopped at 2. DD2 was clearly determined to be born because she got through the pill and condoms. I was so good at taking my pill and using condoms. There was no stopping her.

The DTs were a holiday decision. We went on holiday, had some champagne sangria and thought we'd have number 4. Came home and decided that we couldn't afford no.4. Oops! Too late and not only was it no.4 but no.5 as well.

I have never considered myself to be maternal. I just decided that I was a failure and could only go up from there. With the 5 I just think ... oh well and get on with it.

hth

Hi Donbean, I felt the same as you for a long while, in fact it has only been in the last few months I have changed my mind. DD has just turned 3, and is now becoming easier, and I think would now be at the stage where she would love having a brother or sister. Also, by the time number 2 would be on the scene she will be nearer 4!
I also think that it would be lovely to actually enjoy number 2- I found the whole parent thing a nightmare as it was all so new and alien. I think 2nd time around would be less onerous.
At the end of the day, the decision is yours, and you have to be 100%.
x

Im not so worried about having another, it just occured to me that maybe im not cut out for children.
Ds has been such hard going, it has challenged me to the max, post natal depression, total exhaustion from little or no sleep for the last 2.5 years, working, juggling house, motherhood, childcare, money, time, anxiety, guilt blah blah blah that, well im just plain knackard and feel 90 years old.
HOWEVER he is my world, i adore him, we do every thing together we laugh so so much, i am privalidged to have the little man in my life truly.
i dunno, just cant face it i suppose.

i hear ya, don. that's why we're stopping at two.

my life's a f*&king juggling act from hell. i feel like an old woman and feel like a look like hell, too.

no garden.

it's starting to really suck now dd1's almost three.

would rather stop here and focus on making more money so we can get a place w/more space.

I can understand that Donbean. I have wondered if more than 1 would be for me given that I still struggle with DSs endless energy and poor sleeping and he's only 9 months. But everyone tells me that having 2 is not double the work - more like 1.5 times. I always wanted to have more than one so I'm kind of doing it before I have too long to think about it!

You might change your mind once your DS is a bit older - a friend of mine said she'd never have another and has just had a DD now her DS is 6 (planned BTW)

OMG MarsLady - you must be super fertile! Any plans for no 6???

good luck Suzie.
Agree expat, there is always something in the way isnt there.
For me there are no hurdles such as space, its just every thing that i listed.
So how do you manage without a garden? Are you in a flat then?

'But everyone tells me that having 2 is not double the work - more like 1.5 times. '

LOL! Are they putting the 1.5 in scientific notation?