Pointless worries about infertility...never even ttc!

[Buddhagirl]

So, I might have posted something similar before but I don't care.

Basically I'm convinced I'm infertile. For. No. Reason. I'm not delusional I know you cannot predict these things. However I'll ask MN to try ;)

Reasons for infertility :
My mum took 17 years to conceive me. 17years ttc
My auntie was infertile
My other auntie only just had one child
I have no other female relatives to compare too
I have had unprotected sex before for perhaps 3 cycles, randomly, didn't get pregnant (I know that sounds ridiculous)
I have slightly irregular periods
I have bad luck

Reasons against:
I have ewcm
I have never properly ttc
I have ovulation pain
I don't smoke /drink/do drugs, nor does dh

Just tell me it will probably happen.

I understand where you're coming from. I think it's because not being able to have children is essentially my biggest fear in life.

DH isn't quite ready to TTC yet, but I've started charting BBT and using OPKs to reassure me that I am actually ovulating! This is my first cycle doing it, and finally seeing a positive OPK has made me feel a bit better.

I can't say whether it would reassure you or just give you something else to obsess over, but it might be worth a try!

If you are worried there are several things you can do, (asking mn is not going to tell you!!!)

The first thing you can do, would be to make sure that you are fit and healthy. Make sure your weight and fitness are optimal before ttc. Start taking folic acid 3 months before ttc too.

Next as NotTryingNotTo has done, you could track your cycle for a few months if you are not using hormonal contraception. Look at the website fertilityfriend.com for advice on tracking your cycle.

You could go to doctors and get blood tests to check your hormone levels, this would be best after tracking your cycle, so that the day 21 test can be done 7 days post ovulation rather than day 21 of your cycle, to ensure you get a more accurate result. Day 3 tests do not need the day of ovulation to be known.

You also could make sure that you are not basing infertility on your shoulders alone, by ensuring that your dh has a sperm count done if after 6 months or a year of ttc, you have not become pregnant.

Remember that with each cycle there is still only a 20% chance of pregnancy, so it is not that high, even without fertility issues. Have sex every other day if possible, not just when you think you are fertile. If after a few months this has not worked, follow the sperm meets egg plan, but don't do this at the start of trying, as it can become a huge stress on the relationship.

Most importantly is to try to not get anxious about it before you even start, try to let those first few months of trying be fun! (I would suggest not letting your dh know when you are "fertile" or "ovulating", as many men find this off-putting, as it makes them feel under pressure to perform, and often has the counter effect!).

Remember that most women do not experience infertility, and that most conceive within a year of starting to try. The odds are in your favour, in real terms, and until proven otherwise think of yourself as fertile!

I hope that when the time comes for you to start ttc, that it happens quickly for you.

The chances are you will be fine. There are plenty of long termers on here who have sisters and other relatives who fall pregnant first time of trying, so family fertility won't necessarily reflect on you.

BUT (and I've thought a bit before deciding to post this and decided I should) I had similar worries. I'm an only child (my mum miscarried 3 pregnancies after me), my dad's an only child. My mum has one sibling, 10 years younger than her. He has no children. I always had an inkling that it would be hard for us. And it has been. Two and a half years in we have a diagnosis of "unexplained infertility" and one mc after an IVF cycle to show for our efforts. If I knew earleir how it would be, I would have pushed to start ttc earlier, rather than waiting years for my husband to decide he was ready. So I'm posting this not to worry you, but to say that if you are ready then don't delay trying.

I would agree with euro that the earlier any woman can ttc (given that she wants to, relationship and circumstances are right obviously) the better. Anyone can have problems and starting earlier gives you a better chance and more time to deal with possible problems.

I spent most of my early 30s terrified that I wouldn't be able to have children for various reasons. As it transpired, I didn't have any problem getting pregnant but did have 3 losses, but still had enough time iyswim.

I was just wondering if you worry a lot in general? I know I am a worrier, so naturally I am also worried about this whole ttc thing. You say you have bad luck, but that's not a rational thought and has nothing to do with ttc. I am trying not to think like that, because recently I got all upset that I really want to start a family, and because I really want it, it probably means it won't happen. Unhelpful thoughts!

Also, just because women in your family have had trouble ttc doesn't mean you will! And there are many more tools available now to help conception along.

Slightly irregular periods are nothing to worry about either. And ewcm and ovulation pains are good signs, they show your body is doing all the right things!

Just ttc when you and your DP are ready and I'm sure you'll be fine. I stop worrying about things that aren't even happening by telling myself that I'll cross that bridge when I get there (but hopefully won't).

Thanks so much everyone.

Amazing advice! I can actually do something to help me obsessing :)

Convinced dh that coming off hormonal contraception was a great idea, lol. I've downloaded the fertility friend app... And there was me thinking making babies was just snagging!

Opks :i thought they just told you that your body was preparing for ovulation not actually ovulating?

In terms of being a worrier, I'm normally pretty relaxed about things, I think it's that all my female relatives have had problems and that I can't imagine having a little person in my tummy... It's just hard to wrap my head around. But I was thinking my grandma had 3 kids, my dad had 2 kids, my half sister conceived. I reckon actually that there is a good chance I will have a baby.

I had retty much convinced myself I was infertile before falling pregnant with ds1, it took 6 months of not using contraception to fall pregnant and with ds2 I was shocked when I fell the first month after having IUD removed.

My fears of infertility were brought on because I am overweight, sometimes had irregular periods and constantly told by doctors how higher bmi reduces fertility. Not only this but my DH was warned as a teenager that the medication he was prescribed for a long term illness causes short term infertility and the long term effects were unknown. So right from the start of our relationship we'd discussed not being able to have biological children and seriously considered adoption. I was very shocked and happy to fall pregnant with both ds's.

I wanted to share a good experience and that even when you've convinced yourself of something it doesn't mean your right. I've suffered with anxiety for several years so I'm a constant worrier anyway but luckily it was all for nothing. Currently on my first cycle of ttc #3 and hoping we are fortunate again.

Good luck with ttc in the future and I hope your worries are proved wrong

Thanks cake, that helps, in fact since starting this thread I've felt much more hopeful.

Mirai, I hope that you do get a positive opk. How old are you? Can you start asap in case there is problems? Also ovulation pain means nothing and you might have ewcm it's just not loads? Idk xx

Buddhagirl and Mirai: I don't know if this helps any, but I had very similar feelings to you for the following reasons:

1. At 39 the doctor subtly suggested I was close to being past the sell-by date!
2. I've always had irregular periods
3. Had a couple of incidents when I was in my twenties where I really should have fallen pregnant and didn't - so always assumed I wasn't very fertile.
4. My mum took ages to conceive both me and my brother.
5. I suffer horrendously with period pain every month - I was becoming that my ovaries were shot-to-pieces as a result

We started ttc with no expectation of success whatsoever. I got a BFP 3 weeks later! Am currently 6 weeks along. Obviously, at my age, am not out of the woods yet and won't relax until the scan, but have come to the conclusion that my 'gut feeling' about my fertility level has been based more on anxiety than anything concrete. Try to stay positive :-)

Thank you :) that helps. Based on anxiety rather than concrete facts, that is useful to remember.

I have always taught that I would have problems conceiving for absolutely no aparent reason. I just took it as given, maybe because I never had that motherly personality.

Now I have 2 children (4 yrs and 18 mo) both conceived straight away in my early 30s. And I am as motherly as it gets .

Ovulation pain is your biggest friend. I have it and it was the single most useful thing that helped me conceive quickly. Your body gives you the signal for the perfect timing.

Love it, love it, go on ovulation pain. I've been off hormonal contraception for not even one cycle so it's not surprising I've not had ovulation pain yet eh. Damn I am so neurotic about this stuff!

One of the reasons why TTC sometimes may get tricky is when you need to establish first do you ovulate at all and then if yes, when do you actually ovulate. But women who experience regular ovulation pain know exactly(or almost exactly) when they are ovulating, so they can pretty much identify their fertile window. Which of course does not mean they will conceive at that cycle, but at least they give it the best chance. My ovulation pain lasts from half a day to a day and pre children was right in the middle of my then 30 day cycle. After having children my cycle shortened a bit (26 cycle, sometimes goes up to 30 days) with LP going from 8 days (early breastfeeding months) to 10-11 days (late breastfeeding months) and 12-13-14 days (after stopping breastfeeding). Second child was conceived on 12 days long LP. There are some herbs that can help you make your cycle regular and vitamin B is good for that too.

I understand your anxiety. Before TTC for the first time I actually went to my gyno and asked her if it was possible to do some conception procedures straight away so that we can get things done quickly as I was sure there would be difficulties and I didn't want to waist time . She looked at me as if I was crazy which I obviously was

Hey. I'm not quite the same as you, but I was convinced I was infertile because I was severely anorexic as a teenager and I have never had regular periods. However, I have now been pregnant three times. Infertility isn't always hereditary. Make sure you live a healthy life as others have said. I've read that lowering your alcohol and caffeine intake down to almost nothing (or better, nothing) when ttc can help as too much of either can affect egg production and quality. Eat a healthy diet. There's all sorts of claims around, like that eating too much animal protein (not a problem for me, I'm veggie) can cause women to have decreased fertility, and that plant-based proteins like those in lentils have the opposite effect, that you should try not to eat processed food or anything high in refined sugar, etc - I dunno how much is true and how much is coincedence or pure theory, but a healthy balanced diet sure can't hurt.

I'm taking agnus castus fruit and evening primrose oil tablets to try and regulate my cycle - both are known for helping with ovulation and regulation of periods. Mebbies put yourself on one or both?

I was also - finally - told by new GP that if my periods are still all over the place in two months' time, that she will take blood tests to check my hormone levels and see what's happening. Mebbies you could request the same. If you haven't already been checked for PCOS (a major cause of irregular periods), you could also ask for that.

Ha ha buba asking your gyn for pre ttc tests, if I had money to pay for that I so would! I'm not the kind of person who could chart temperature every day I think I'll go on ovulation pain, ewcm and maybe buy a clear blue fertility monitor.

Raraz I'll check out those supplements, thanks. Also good idea about cutting down on the caffeine, I'm tee total and eat quite well, not overweight and don't smoke so if I cut out caffeine I can't do anymore. (I sound quite straightedge, I'm only totally sober now because I was into drugs when I was younger!)

Mirai, how long have you been off the pill for?

Buddhagirl I have sent a PM