Has anyone made a conscious decision to stop ttc?

[wannaBe1974]

For anyone who hasn’t read my various postings on the boards, here is a brief history…

Me and DH have been ttc now since May of last year. We already have a ds who is 3.5 and it took 13 months to conceive him. When we first started ttc for baby no 2 I was open to the fact it may take a while as it did with DS. My cycles have ranged between 28/30 days which I am told is normal. However I did have one 35 day cycle, and then in April I didn’t have a proper period but a small bleed which lasted about 12 hours and was very similar to implantation bleed I had with ds, and then nothing, lots of pg symptoms, even gp told me she thought I was pregnant, had a heavy mucousy discharge two weeks ago, lots of tests have been bfn even drs tests, I’ve had a thyroid function test (even though I had one only three months ago) and am still waiting for the result, but had been promised an ultrasound if those were normal. However, this week my af arrived, only 5 weeks late. My dh was absolutely convinced I was pg, I even thought I was getting a bump, however this seems to have now disappeared so I’ve put that down to the fact that because I hadn’t had an af there was some sort of build up in there?

Anyway after this experience I really don’t feel that ttc is an option any more. I don’t feel that I’ll ever think of myself as being late, or wanting to test again as I’ve had so many bfn’s, even with symptoms, that I think my body has now had a laugh at my expense and that it’s time to accept there just isn’t going to be another baby. I also feel bad for my dh as I think he was getting quite excited thinking that I must be pg and that he’s actually more gutted than I am because I’d been setting myself up for this for ages but he’s been being optimistic.

I guess what I was wondering was, is there anyone else out there who has made a conscious decision to stop ttc? If you did, did you actually go back to using contraception? I know that a lot of people say to just forget about ttc and it might happen, but I do think that the reality is that if I don’t give up and just go back on the pill or even become sterilised, I will still wonder every month, and I’ll end up back in the same position I’m in now, and I really don’t want to go through what I’ve been through in the past 5 weeks again.

Sorry for long post :)

Yes, we did. We already had one DD, who was 2yo when we started TTC. She had taken a long time to arrive - 15 months, early mc, then anothe r15 months. I then started TTC and after 18 months conciously made decision to stop. There were lots of reasons for this. And it wasn't an easy decision. A year later there are still times I regret it and wish we had continued, but it was the right decision for us and something I just deal with now.

I just went back on the pill.

Sorry to hear your news wannabe, I think all of us were half hoping you were pg.
It must be hard, but think of all the one-child families out there who have consciously made that choice. I know several. They have so much more time and energy and resources for that child, and more time for themselves as well. I know one couple who each take week-long solo holidays every summer to learn languages or sports. They also travel for work and often take their son with them, even to Hong Kong and Japan.
If it will make things easier, then take contraception. I personally don't think I would go to that expense and bother when it's not necessary. When you get the full answers from your doctor, and you've both accepted that this is it, maybe suggest that your dh get the snip?

Wannabe I know i'm not in the same position as you but I do think that sterilisation is quite drastic how about one of the longer term contratceptions e.g the coil or implant. You are still young and may find that after another year or so you would really regret hvang something permanent done.

Hi Wannabe

I know you must be feeling bad, i had a similar experience last month, my period are usually 7/8 weeks and this one was 10 weeks so i was feeling very hopefull - however i did not have any pg signs.

TBH i think you are just at a low point at the moment, i think going back on the pill would be a bad idea i think maybe you just need to stop trying (easier said than done) no more charting, no more opks as if you weren't trying and then if it happens it does and great if not, no loss cause 'you weren't really trying anyway'

The decision is really yours but i think maybe leave it until your next period and see how you feel then.

It must have been hell the past few weeks and hope you don't take anything i have written the wrong way.

Best of luck to you -

Why don't you take a month's break and consider what to do then? I took a month off recently and it was such a relief.

I wouldn't give up.
Dh and I started trying in Jan 2005 - for some reason I even remember 8th Feb as the first time I ovulated whilst ttc nr 2. With ds I got preganant the 1st month. Dh and I started off all relaxed and gradually got more and more stressed and obsessed by dates etc. etc. This march I said to dh that I wanted a month off (massive relief becuase I felt the pressure had gradually been building up) because I didn't really want a Christmas baby, we went out loads, had several weekends away and even though after all this time I knew roughly when I'd be ovulating I didn't conciously say "tonight's the night then". Lo and behold I'm expecting a Christmas baby.
A while ago I got told I shouldn't have a second child and I was really upset at the idea and wouldn't accept it. How do you think you'd feel if the decision was taken out of your hands? Maybe that gut feeling'll guide you.
Going from my experience I'd say give up conciously trying, but don't take any contraception either and what will be will be.
Good luck.

wannabe1974

I would advise you not to give up either and I don't see your situation as being completely hopeless.

I have had period problems since starting menstruation and had to have fertility treatment (ovarian diathermy surgery) in order to have our son. To our astonishment I conceived two months post surgery. We haven't though gone on to have any further children.

In your case I would actively seek a referral to a gynae as a couple for further evaluation.

I do not see any mention of a LH/FSH hormone day 3 blood test being done. This ought to be checked out as well because an imbalance of LH to FSH can cause ovulation problems. These can be treated but you should seek a gynae's opinion.

An internal ultrasound would be useful to have done as this would give an indication as to whether polycystic ovaries are there or otherwise. PCO can cause ovulation problems.

You need a diagnosis first and foremost.

wannnabe....just wanted to add my thoughts. So sorry to hear news of your af, i think we were all hoping with you there for the past month or so. At least now you have a natural conclusion to your heartache even though it is not the ending you (or any of us) would have hoped for. However, i have to agree with some of other ladies opinions, v. drastic to have a sterilisation? But only you will know what is going to work for you and your dh. I can understand why at the moment you would seek such finality in a decision, but tbh, you have been through so much waiting and not knowing, and it must be a shock to finally get af even though you had a gut feeling you werent pregnant. Give yourself time to get used to the feeling of not ttc any more, and maybe you could use contraception in the interim period say 6 -12mths, before you make any (final) decisions regarding sterilisation.
Here for you anytime you want to chat hun.
Take care
xxxxxxxxx

Wannabe just had to post I dont know if you ever knew about my situation.
We were trying to concieve first child since may 04,at first you just think it will happen soon enough, then when it doesnt you start to panic,wondering if theres something wrong so invest in ttc help books thermometers isis scopes ovulation kits,calista digital kits,the works.Sometimes you can be late your body can be very cruel,play tricks with you make you think your pg,when its what you really want.Then you goto the Drs crying somethings wrong,get referred to gynae all sorts of different tests I even had a hypesterosalpinogram (not a very pleasant procedure) to clean out tubes.lots of people said it increases chances.Didnt for us that was it then no answers why it wasnt happening.Dh used to find me in tears about someone or other was pg my period had come again,It affected me that much that I couldnt even go shopping on a sat as didnt want to see any babies or families.I became very very down,a shadow of myself as Im quite a bubbly person normally.Thats when I came to the decision i needed to give myself a break,so i did andi felt better than i had in months.No timed sex no ovulation testing nothing, having a laugh with my mates going out getting drunk, this was in Sept last year (I was giving myself 6 mths off)Started a course of reflexology purely for relaxation as got promoted at work,had 3 sessions and you know the rest had jiggy jiggy in March after getting back from working away for a few days and bang wallop mothers day bfp.I truly believe because i had mentally made the decision and took it out of my mind i relaxed and it happened,3 mths now had 1st scan last week.So in some small way im trying to tell you I know a little of how your feeling i truly do,I think it would be a good idea if you had a break too forget about it for a while have fun,make love not just baby dancing,get drunk and you will probably feel better and get the bfp you long for.
Good Luck and take care will be thinking of you,hope this has helped in some small way :)

So sorry to hear about AF.
Mine also came today and I had been feeling the most down that I ever remember being.
You must be really frustrated after all the dreadful wait.

I fell pg after having clomid for three months and then deciding to stop for a month so I guess that kind of fits into the not trying cateorgory - I just figured I'd got no chance that month!!

I have also heard (but PLEASE don't take my word for it) that some people take the pill for a month and then are supposed to be more fertile when they come off it again. I don't know if that's right and obviously it need proper checking out but....??

It's also hard to say give yourself a few months off because after ttc for a long time you just know your CDs and it's really hard to forget them.

I am thinking of you,
X

Wannabe just wanted to send you hugs and kisses for whatever decision you choose, you have given me some great advce these last few months and I will miss my chats with you. Good luck to you and your little family and remember never stop ing