A really tough weekend

[cwtching]

Hello

DH and I have been ttc for 18 months with no success. His SA showed a low sperm count and my day 21 tests showed I didn't ovulate that cycle. We've been waiting 6 months for an appointment with the fertility specialist which will take place in a couple of weeks.

A week ago my period was a week late, I had some clear pg symptoms and was so happy to think that despite everything being stacked against us we had somehow managed it. I didn't take a test as my DH was away and because we've been through quite a hard time ttc I wanted us to test together. The day before he came home I had terrible cramping pain followed by awful heavy bleeding which lasted days. My GP booked my in for an ultrasound on Friday (internal and external) which confirmed MC. We decided not to tell anyone as we didn't want to upset anyone particularly as my BIL and SIL are pregnant with their first baby and everyone is very excited about it.

DH is being really positive about it all saying at least we can get pregnant but I can't stop myself from crying

Oops sent too soon

I can't stop myself from crying all the time. At the weekend we saw DHs family including the BIL and SIL. The whole day was spent discussing baby names. It was so hard, it's wonderful they are having a baby and I'm really happy for them but everything feels a bit raw at the moment.

I'm really worried about our appt with the fertility specialist,will she not help us now given the mc? It's taken us 18 months to get to this point.

Dear cwtching, I'm so sorry to hear about this, such a horrible experience. I've not got personal experience but I'm sure there will be some wise words from others soon, didn't want to read and run.

How are you physically today? Is there anyone else to support you apart from your husbands family, a friend perhaps or your relatives?

I hope today you can have some time to yourselves and you can rest up a little, just take it day by day.

I'm really sorry for you loss and for the very tough time that you're having.
I can't offer any advice as to what will happen with your specialist but I didn't want to leave your post unanswered.

Regarding fertility clinic, may i suggest you could keep the appointment for now to find out where you stand. They may still be able to do investigations and possibly even some treatments depending on your history or at least advise you if it's worth going privately.

Thanks so much for your lovely messages Flowersfortea and Takingthestairs, it is really kind of you to take the time to leave a message and it has really helped me to feel I'm not alone.

I haven't told my family / friends either. I know it would upset them and I don't want to upset anyone and it was such an early MC, that I feel a bit of a fraud being so upset. I think because we've been trying for such a long time and it seemed hopeless, it's hit me sideways. I'm sad in case it was our one in a million chance of conceiving naturally.

I will keep the appointment at the clinic and just hope they can still help us. If not we will look at going privately but I'm worried about how much it might cost...

We will get there I am sure, one way or another. Thank you for making me feel better with your caring messages X

cwtching firstly, I am really sorry you have had to go through this. I did too four years ago and it's a horrible experience. It doesn't matter that it was an early MC. When you have been ttc for any length of time, it hurts when you reach your goal and then it's taken away from you. You should keep your appointment, take advice on whether you need to let things 'take their course' or whether you need to have a D&C and (if you feel as though you need it) seek out a local support group to speak to women in the same position as you. I didn't and wish that I had at the time. You may find it particularly supportive, especially if BIL and SIL are chatting on about their pregnancy, blissfully unaware of what you're going through.

If anything, the fertility specialist should be able to identify you and your partner as ideal candidates - you are just the sort of people who should be given help. You will need to be persistent and take a lost of questions with you, so that you can write down the answers and consider them when you get home.

Good luck. Try to stay positive and focus on getting yourself better. It will take time but you will get there.

Noks x

cwtching I am so sorry for your lose . What you are going through is so difficult and heartbreaking. I had a mc in March and i was constantly crying. i still get upset now. my SIL was also pregnant. We were due a few days apart. No one knew we were pregnant when I mc and it was so hard. In the end we had to tell the family because I found it hard to see SIL following mc. I wasn't begrudging he pregnancy but DF felt it was important they knew so at least there was some sensitivity when discussing baby stuff etc. I am glad we told them. The family have been great and SIL has been great too. Not saying you should tell the family but its a really hard thing to deal with by yourselves. My thoughts are with you and your DH.