Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Do you ever accept that's it?

14 replies

Whatsdoneisdoneisdone · 07/03/2013 09:42

We've been TTC for 18 months, however I have a feeling that it is never going to happen. Ovulation is so painful that I'm tempted to go back onto the pill but I can't quite bring myself to.

Is it possible to ever truly accept that's it? I feel certain that had I not had to have a c section with my first child I would not be in this position. It makes me angry and sad.

OP posts:
blondebaby111 · 07/03/2013 10:40

I don't think you ever really accept that's it, we've been trying for 5 years with one failed ivf and just lately I keep saying to people ' we are accepting now it may never happen' but tbh deep down I don't mean that, I think it just makes me feel better and gets people off my case when they constantly ask 'any news'!!!
Do u mean you find the whole ttc process painful or do u have a painful ovulation?? Have u had any investigations done, it took me two years to go and get myself checked, I think they see you after a year if u are in your thirties. . Don't give up just yet, 18 month seems like a lifetime to you but its really not that long xx

Happilymarried155 · 07/03/2013 16:14

Its been just over 2 years for us and I do often think "where does this end?" I don't think I could go on like this forever but in the same respect I don't think I could ever accept that I wasn't ever going to have a baby!

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn · 07/03/2013 17:54

Whilst it may not feel that way, 18 months is not actually a long time to be TTC (almost 3 years TTC#1 here!), NHS guidelines say 90% of couples will conceive within 2 years of active TTC.

Have you had any investigations into why ovulation is painful, and why you have not conceived yet? If not you really should visit your GP and ask for a referral to a fertility specialist. GPs are not great with fertility issues so the faster you can be referred, the better.

Original poster
Whatsdoneisdoneisdone · 07/03/2013 19:02

We are just beginning to have tests. I've had an ultrasound (normal) and a 21 day blood test - fine. Dh is going for sa next week.
In all honesty I just feel it won't happen. I just know. And yet I can't quite let go of it despite this absolute certainty that something is very wrong. Ovulation is extremely painful but everything else is ok.

OP posts:
twinklestar2 · 07/03/2013 23:38

I really don't know. After 20 months I just want to get off this rollercoaster ride and out of this cycle. I can't picture myself with a baby anymore :( But yet I keep trying. I honestly don't know how to feel anymore!

lauriedriver · 07/03/2013 23:42

We've been trying for 2 years & I can't imagine ever being pregnant (pessimistic!!). I just have a horrible feeling it's never going to happen for us. Also I keep putting off going to the docs through fear of having all hope shattered.

SorrelForbes · 07/03/2013 23:46

We've been trying for nearly 2 years. Age is against me...

lovesLemonDrizzleCake · 08/03/2013 08:50

Rapidly heading towards 3 years trying here too, had one mc just after 2 years and that is making the closure thing much harder. My DH and I discuss it though, how much longer, what else to try, and how to move on once we give this project up. He's completely through with it, whereas I am nowhere near giving up or ready for IVF, because the one pregnancy was IUI, which has rubbish success rates, but worekd for me once It is something I think you need to grow into and together with your partner work out when enough is enough.

Having said all that I know of a number of people who got pregnant naturally or with some help between 1,5 and 2,5 years and have had babies. So there is no need to give up yet at all. But I would want that painful ovulation explained, it should not hurt that much. I am not sure what it could be indicative of (we're officially unexplained) but they should know at a fertility clinic. I would also insist on a referral rather than getting too many tests done at your GP most of them just have NO clue.

Bearface · 08/03/2013 17:35

20 cycles since I came off the pill now and not even a sniff of a BFP. DH has low morphology, low sperm count and low motility. He's on vitamins and doing everything he can to help them improve, but I fear we may be heading towards the IUI/IVF route. Obvs that may be a good thing, but some days I'm the same as Twinklestar and can't imagine myself holding my own baby. I'd wanted three children too; DH and I used to quibble about 3 or 2 - now I don't even know if we'll ever have 1.

I think most people have down days and months when it affects you more than others, which you should allow yourself to have. It's a terribly draining business TTC in the long-term. Everything with doctors seems so slow as well, when it feels like your time is running out.

Apart from this though, like someone else said, maybe you never give up really. The very first thread I read on MN was on the conception pages and it was a woman who had been TTC for 5 years and they had completely given up and she had missed a period, but didn't know whether to test as she couldn't take the disappointment. Of course, people encouraged her to test so she didn't drive herself mad and she came back an hour later with a BFP. I blubbed all over the laptop for her and then joined one of the threads.

I know there's hope and there's realism and some people think they're incompatible, but I don't agree. I think you can have both. Maybe don't give up just yet OP. X

twinklestar2 · 08/03/2013 20:44

I wanted a 5 year age gap, bear, now I can't afford that luxury. I'm 34 and have been ttc since I was 32.

resipsa · 10/03/2013 20:06

In short, no. DD1 took 12 months, failed pregnancy 2 took 5 months, it's been 11 months since then but I am sure that I will never look at those with 2DCs (which seems to be everyone save me TBH) without envy and hope.

lifesobeautiful · 10/03/2013 20:36

A close friend of mine took five years to conceive. She eventually got twin girls through a second attempt at IVF, then had a boy by mistake and totally naturally within a year of their birth! It feel unattainable now, but I don't think you should think of giving up. I hope it happens for you very soon.

SarahJinx · 10/03/2013 20:52

I don't think so, particularly if you've been through tests and are officially "unexplained" I got obsessive about the why me? Why not me? Unfairness of it all. Took us four years to get the BFP, 48 months of just shagging, that's a lot of rubbish disappointment, but super worth it, in the end.

Have the tests, no point putting yourself through it all every month if there is an explanation, you can at least take some positive steps if you know. If you're unexplained then the are things you can do, but you can also resign yourself to getting on with it, or not.

We're about to try again, DS is coming up for two but its not a good place to go back to, for sure.

Hope it works out.

NoMoreMarbles · 10/03/2013 22:08

We have been TTC since October 2007,DH and I and I have reached the enough a enough point a couple of times but always returned to TTC as I just can't/won't/whatever accept that DD will be an only. I have had 8 MCs in the time we have been TTC number 2 and It makes me feel so sad when she tells me she wants a baby brother or sister. she is old enough now at 7 to understand that her friends have baby/little siblings and that she doesn't but obviously has no comprehension of whySad

It's the comments from others that sting and up to now that has never gone away...

We had put a time limit on trying at 5 years but that time passed 6 months ago and here we are still TTC and fast approaching the 6 year markSad I doubt I will ever be ready to give up really...

New posts on this thread. Refresh page