The ongoing search for BFPs now leads the BESH to the barren polar wastes, in the footsteps of Scott, Shackleton and Franklin.

[ArielThePiraticalMermaid]

Pack those reindeer sleeping bags, huskies and skis - we're off to the Antarctic to look for our BFPs. Unlike Scott, we'll eat the poniez if necessary (topical joke). Let's huddle together through the Antarctic night and we'll try not to kidnap one of the emperor penguin toddlers for our very own. Bring on blizzards, pack ice, shipwreck, attacking leopard seals, voyages across the Southern Ocean in rowing boats and hazardous traverses of South Georgia in search of rescue - just like the Shackleton expedition, NO BESH WILL BE LEFT BEHIND.

(do I win the prize for most random fred ever?)

Really, rie? I'm sure I learned it in school, and I definitely learned it at uni, though granted most people don't have a degree in genetics. I can understand it not featuring on your radar once you've left home, but this is so basic - I assumed everyone else also knew this as fact well before the age of twenty. Maybe it really is just my interest in biology that led me to know these things.

Hello 2cats! Go thee forth into the frozen wastes and discover the BESHtionnaire, and bring it back to base camp for inspection by expedition leaders.

Yes, jeff, and the assumption that everyone having IVF is in thir late thirties too - so many idiots! I keep looking back at that thread, but am resisting engaging them so far...

No. I didn't know. And as I did a history degree, and arts and humanities at A level, and didn't even do GCSE biology, it never came up at school or university. I know it's not what you meant, but I'm beginning to feel a little like you think I'm thick for not knowing.

Euro I'd agree - I'm pretty career focussed but it wasn't about that. It was about not having a serious relationship until I was 30.

I don't know if I definitely knew about declining fertility. I've read so much stuff since TTC that it's all imprinted on my brain. I think I knew it was more difficult. But not this difficult.

I don't think you're thick. But I am genuinely astonished that you (and if the Grauniad is accurate, many others also) didn't know.

I have read the entirety of that Fred over a hot chocolate whilst waiting for my car to be MOT'd (passed, yay!). I haven't responded, I think I'd only be replying to the mean comments rather than the actual ishoo.

We are similar to you draf in that we waited til we were really stable enough financially and in our marriage to try to win a baybee. Honestly? I'd have started sooner but MSB was resistant (he had his reasons). Now he says he wished we'd started TTC immediately after getting wed (we didn't do the sechs before we got wed) but I don't. Having had such a crappy couple of years before we did win a baybee, I'm glad we had over a year married just having SFF because I don't think sechs will ever be the same again.

Norf it's impossible to tell! Crazy dreams maybe...mine continue (not fun!). Cheering BarryOs on :)

Hope it goes ok today mollster.

The hangover is a good start, 2cats. Do the Beshtionnaire Polar Expedition Application Form and present it for judgement.

I was ready about two years before AMNH. I also wonder what would have happened if we had tried properly in that period (rather than just having uncontracepted sechs), but all I can think is that we wouldn't have had the same last minute ivf-before-age-deadline rush. I think we'd have still ended up here. I mean, if my tubes were fucked by PID in my early twenties then I guess we'd always have had the ectopics...

Sorry to keep banging on about this, but you just said yourself that you had a lifelong interest in biology, a degree in genetics and have been broody since your twenties. I said I had little interest in (human) biology, didn't study it in school, did a degree in history, and wasn't broody until early thirties. I don't get why it's "astonishing" that I didn't know about fertility declining in your thirties, especially when women all around you are having babies in their thirties, and I didn't have access - not that I'd have wanted it - to the Daily Hate.

Anyway....tis done now.

I had to roll off the sofa as I couldn't do this on my phone. I hope I get extra points for effort whilst under the influence of a hangover of doom

THE BESH TEST

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

Yes? however it makes me hurl so I try to stick to beer/wine. Then again the amount of wine I consumed last night is also at risk of making me hurl so it?s all the same really

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

Either? not fussy as long as they have swimmers.

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use: a) weewee b) poopoo c) foofoo d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

Considering our lack of bloody success at this I think I need to check my understanding. I was trying C, with the exception of last month when we unintentionally tried for immaculate conception - D but without the praying. However neither of these options has worked thus far. I am thinking of trying a variation of c this month with the addition of the withdrawal method, I have read about millions of people getting baybees this way?.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you: a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway. b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

A. And, as I discovered recently, I then get battered by MNers who shout at me for telling people to POAS too early. Hoping BESH will not do that to me as I am unable to restrain myself from shouting it as soon as somebody has finished shagging

5. Is R2D2: a) an adorable robot from Star Wars. b) the source of all evil.

B. I have never liked star wars and hate it all the more now as that bloody robot keeps turning up every month

6. what colour are your walls?

grey

7. Number of pets?

2 black cats. Did not believe they brought bad luck until I started trying to get upduffed and now regard them suspiciously everytime the droid arrives

8. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

Orlando Bloom. Initially does not sound weird BUT I only fancy him with long blonde hair as Legolas in LOTR. I also am in lurve with Jack Black

9. Lesbian crush?

Does Orlando Bloom looking like a lady in LOTR count? If not, Beyonce? I would give anything to have her money arse

10. What are your views on camping?

I love it, especially at festivals where we drink Voffee (vodka coffees) for breakfast. I?m sure these could also be made with gin

11. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on? i) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it. ii) Over 100 quid iii) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

ii). My last order on amazon was for 50. I have been known to POAS 5 or 6 times in a day. I have line eye (could find imagine a line on a blank piece of fucking paper) and have pots permanently in both bathrooms.

Be warned, if you won't have me I will send my cats around....

You'll do, cats. Now pls to be describing your ttc woes.

Anyone who likes cats is ok by me. What about penguins?

You are not the only person the Guardian article was referring to, rie. You are taking my comments far too personally. It is not surprising that some people are unaware. It is surprising to me that a significant proportion of people are unaware. At no point did I suggest that this has anything to do with intelligence level. You are being over sensitive.

Excellent BESHtionnaire, 2cats, especially Jack Black - he's surely worse than Jeremy Clarkson?

Are penguins lucky? If so i'll take them all.
We're on cycle 8 of proper trying and a had good while NTNP before that. Am about to start lying to doctors about how long we've been trying. Last month was stupid as we were all shagged out from honeymoon and i got my days wrong and we only shagged once (on O day) because i am a fuckwit but this month we are going to go like rabbits for 2 weeks.
I waaaaant a baaayyyybbbeeee

I protest. I demand a second opinion. How the hell can Jack Black be worse than Clarkson? Jack Black is surely sexy and shaggable and funny and he can play a guitar. Whereas Clarkson is smelly and balding and has yellow teeth.

However if crown of shame has nice shiny things on it i will accept gracefully as I like shiny things

You keep the crown, cats. I get the impression I'm not welcome here any more anyway, so Clarkson is no longer a contender.

Arf at Orlando-Bloom-as-a-ladyish-elf for lesbo crush.

Cats are good. You are fine. Unless you are 22

Am 31 honest guv

Am now about to confuse you all by heading off to name change (have been thinking about it for a while and finally hit some inspiration when i got sent this this morning)

i'm back with my new merkin themed name!

Nice new name. I could do with a new one. This is a hangover from an Austin Powers discussion. I am lacking in inspiration though.

EuroShaggleton, perhaps, as a Shagmore/Shackleton crossover?

Draf most if the BESH are going through the hardest points of their lives at the moment, including me, and I imagine, you. It's not surprising over sensitivity sometimes figures, in fact I'm surprised that we don't fall out more often. Please don't let a small disagreement with me think you're not welcome here any more. It's quite rare I freak out over thus stuff, but I am at the moment. I thought you were referring to me. You weren't. Let's get over ourselves x

EuroShaggleton is the most genius thing I've ever heard.

Good name change Merkin & I thoroughly approve of your BESHtionnaire answers.

at EuroShaggleton

Draf - please don't go on account of differing opinions in what is a very touchy & sensitive subject. Rie is right, all the BESH are on edge most of the time & this is the place we have to let off steam so occassionaly we may disagree.