done something stupid and now i feel sick, diy a.i

[redbobblehat]

Tried to swi four times this week

Only worked once, dh is having problems

So last night in desperation, ov test pos on fri

I suggested dh give me a sample.

He did in a cup, was clean but not sterile, then I used a syringe again clean but not sterile

Anyway I'm hoping this is key, I was too scared to put the syringe inside as j thought what if j inject air

So I just kinda squirted it on the outside of the vagina, the syringe was not pushed in

So now in the cold light of the morning I'm feeling sick and panickig what if I have given myself an infection

there is no way you will "get over" this - ever (and I would never suggest you could) - but, do you have the emotional resilience to undertake a pregnancy at this time while raising your daughter?

could you give yourself a couple more months to regain your emotional strength (with bereavement counselling for example) - now that your physical strength is returning?

well suppose i worry that counselling could make me feel worse or simply not help.
but i guess i won't know unless i try.

I worried about that too and, at first, it did make me feel worse because I was talking about things I'd locked up inside me - things I couldn't tell people about (of felt I couldn't) and things I'd decided I was silly or selfish to be upset about. after that I felt better though. it's particularly difficult after a bereavement because you're so aware of the grief of those around you that it can feel impossible to speak about your own grief without feeling selfish.

sorry if I've been out of line but it doesn't sound like you're enjoying trying to get pregnant (and that is meant to be the fun bit! )

it's good to ask for help - especially after everything you've been through.

yeah i would be happy to try a hypno cd.

i could probably do with some relaxation techniques

i'm not quite this crazy all the time, i am up and down

and that's completely understandable. I quite often use one of those CD's where you relax bits of your body at a time. they're good. go off amazon and play the mp3 previews so you can check the voice doesn't annoy you.

would a support group be better for you than counselling? it's really about finding what works for you and your family.

You've had some excellent advice here and I hope you're feeling less stressed. Counselling is hard sometimes but very worthwhile- i had it weekly for many years to sort my past out and it was worth all the hours, money and soggy tissues.

If you wanted to continue using AI to help TTC then there are kits available here

You've had some great advice and wise words in this thread - I can only add that while we used brand new syringes to conceive ds1, ds2 was conceived using the Calpol syringes... . Hope you get the support you need and all goes well with ttc.