Worried about trying for a baby - any thoughts?

[mrsmurph]

Hello there,

I am 30 and my husband is 37, and we have been planning to start trying for a baby fairly soon. He is keen to start trying as soon as possible, not least because he would like to have children while he is still quite young, and I thought I was also keen, but I had a bit of a meltdown this morning... I hadn't really consciously thought any of this stuff before, but all of a sudden I found myself crying and telling my husband that I was worried about men at work seeing me as a "mummy" and not as a professional who is exactly the same as any of the blokes (in work terms), and that I really didn't fancy the idea of being pregnant and losing control of my body, and that I'd really rather we could just grow our babies in a pot or something rather than me being pregnant... He is quite upset about the whole thing, although he is being understanding.

Is it normal to be anxious like this? He is understandably quite worried (and so am I) that I will talk myself into being ok about getting pregnant, then get pregnant and be enormously freaked out about the whole thing and regret it instead of it being a great time in our lives.

Any thoughts greatly appreciated!

I don't think everyone feels like this. I think a lot of people feel it's going to be a pretty easy / enjoyable. I was sick for the whole pregnancy, so bad in the beginning I couldn't do anything, water made me vomit. Sorry for sharing as that is exactly the kind of thing you don't want to hear. But if I'd known it could be quite so bad I would have gone into it more cautiously.

However, some people have no or minor symptoms and actually love being pregnant so don't worry about the physical stuff too much. However, the level of worry you have suggests you could be at risk of antenatal depression. Lots of people have a freakout when the get their BFP so you are maybe just coming to terms with your concerns. Maybe you could think about some counselling to explore how you feel. (I think everyone could benefit from thinking about their life, I'm not trying to paint you as a danger to yourself or anything.) Think about the practicalities of how you will return to work and what support network you have around you.

It is massively life changing to you but honestly a lot of people like colleagues won't really care you are having a baby.

I wish we could grow them in pots too.

Thanks very much for your response, which was quite reassuring. I am going to see a counsellor as you sensibly suggested and I hope I will feel better once I have talked everything through!

Hi mrs, try not to worry too much, it's just the fear of the unknown! If you get preg the little changes will happen to your body gradually so you will have time to adjust! Pregnancy is a wonderful miracle, it's beautiful to feel your baby move around in there and know that you (and DH!) made that!
People should not view you any different- if anything your colleagues should have more respect for you having a baby then returning to work!

Gillian is right mrs - try not to worry. You don't lose control of your body, it just changes for a bit and then largely reverts to how it was. I am slimmer now than before I had DD who just turned 2. My boobs were already going southwards by then as I was 40 .

As for work, don't worry either. I'm a lawyer and I'd say that the men in my team have more respect now cause they see you cope with the job and the baby (whereas they have wives at home to do the second bit ).