TTC after termination due to abnormality, need to convince DH it's ok

[owainsmum]

Hi ladies,
I had a termination in december, I was 12 weeks pg and the scan showed the baby had anencephaly, with no chance of survival. I am slowly getting over it, and am very keen to TTC again as soon as possible, I think that being pregnant again will help, and obviously still want another baby (we already have a 2 year old boy). My DH is less keen though, he is still getting over the trauma of what happened, which is perfectly natural, but he is worried about the risk of another baby with a neural tube defect and going through all this again. He is also worried about me having a severe pph, because when my son was born I lost 7.2 litres of blood, and then when I gave birth to my little baby last month I lost 650ml, which is just about classed as a pph, and is double the amount of blood loss they expected for being 12 weeks pg. Therefore there is a fairly good chance that if I have another baby I'll lose a reasonable amount of blood. This (quite rightly) scares DH, but I'm not too worried about it, and have spoken to a couple of midwives about it, who said that as long as they are aware, they can be proactive in managing blood loss and controlling it. They didn't seem to think it was a particularly big problem.

So, has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you do? If/when you became pg again did it help you and your partner come to terms with your grief for the lost baby?

Thanks in advance for your advice
x

Sorry, I have no experience in this but sorry for your loss, I'm sure next time round everything will be fine. Didn't want you to go unanswered! :)

Hi, I'm so sorry for your loss. I very sadly terminated for medical reasons several years ago, our baby had Edwards syndrome. It is very scary TTC again after the termination but I can honestly say that I never truly managed to come to terms with the loss, and move forward with my life until I fell pregnant again. Sadly this took 18 months after the termination, which was very tough but another story.

Just try and take things one day at a time and when it feels right start TTC again, with the help, love and support of your family you will get through this. You will never forget the baby you've lost, but falling pregnant again can be a great healer.

Helen x

Thanks Helen, I know it is going to be a long time before I stop getting upset at the sight of pregnant women or babies, and I keep thinking how I should be 16 weeks pg now, etc etc. But like you, I really feel that I want to be pregnant, and that it will help me to move forward. It's strange, I was pregnant for nearly 13 weeks, but then to suddenly not be pregnant any more when I should have 6 months left has left me feeling empty, which is another reason that I want to TTC again as soon as possible.
Anyway, I just need to start working on DH, maybe tell him that TTC again will help us to get over our loss a bit.

OP, I had a termination at the end of December and I can relate to what you are saying. I keep changing my mind between thinking I want to be pregnant now and that I need a bit more time to get over it.

I am still waiting for some test results that I should get in February and my periods haven't come back so its not actually something I can do anything about yet anyway! A bit of me thinks that if I wait too long to try and conceive then the fear will take hold of me and I will loose my nerve!

While I feel relatively sane at the moment I think it would be a different matter when all the pregnancy hormones took hold and I feel mildly terrified about how I would cope!

Sorry this isn't much help, but wanted you to know you weren't the only one having these thoughts.

Thanks for replying Rufous. What does your partner think about TTC again, is he put off by the thought of going through another loss again? I'm definitely feeling like I desperately want to be pregnant asap, although am having more bad days lately, where I get really upset. I thought AF started a few days ago, and was relieved that my body is getting back to normal, but then it stopped after a few hours so I don't know what it was.
DH and I still haven't talked about trying again yet, but I think he might be ready to talk soon. I know we will never replace the baby that we lost, but I would really love to have another baby, and for DS to have a little brother or sister.
I think if/when I do get pregnant again I'll be terrified of miscarrying or having another baby with a neural tube defect, and won't be able to relax until I have a healthy baby in my arms.