AIBU? Pre-TTC thoughts

[Shrinkshy]

Hi everyone
this is my first ever post on mumsnet so please be gentle with me! i don't even know if I should be here as I'm not even a parent! I am married for 2.5 years and am very happy with my OH - we have our ups&downs but love eachother very much. We are both in our late 20s & have both struggled with health problems since we got married(he suffers with terrible daily migraines, and I also am trying to lose weight for health e reasons). Because of his terrible headaches our lovelife really isn't what it used to be, and although I don't want to push it - it does upset me. He is seeing his doctor and getting medication for it but at the moment it really isn't helping much.

We are financially OK in that we both are working, but we got married quite young straight after Uni and have enjoyed travelling a lot togther so we don't have much savings. I know this stuff shouldn't be important but when I see how much my SILs rave about their bug-a-boos buggies and the cost of bringing up a child it makes me doubt if we are financially, let alone emotionally ready to have a child. I am also doing post graduate exams so it is not the best time to have a child.

All of my SILs are pregnant or have kids and its starting to get me down. I feel like I would love to have a child but all these things are getting in the way. I have made a vow to myself that I want to have a normal BMI before TTC, as I am quite sure I have/had PCOS and currently on metformin. I am currently classed as Obese. I am struggling to lose weight but have joined Weightwatchers and lost over 2 stone with them and am still going.

I also worry about my relationship with my OH. I would like our lovelife to improve and to get out of the rut we have got ourselves in, before the baby comes and ruins any chance of romance completely!!!

Am I right to wait? I want to wait at least another year maybe even two (I'm 27) to get my exams out of the way, my weight down to a normal range, save some money, and hopefully my lovelife to get its flame back.

I can't help but feel a pang of jealously whenever i see all my SILs at family gatherings and all boasting about being pregnant or talking baby stuff. It really upsets me! AIBU?

What do people think? Is there anyone else in the same boat?

thankyou xxx

You're right to do anything you and your husband want to do. Getting your weight down is fantastic and congratulations on your weight loss so far. I will say if you have or have had PCOS a check up with your doctor should be a priority. Sometimes people with PCOS struggle to conceive. You didn't say if your cycle was regular and if it isn't it could be indicative of something that needs checking out before TTC.

Children do cost a lot of money but its what you make of it. If you're willing to do some things cheaply, you can. I have always had second hand pushchairs etc that have been amazing for less than a quarter of the price of the stylish prams and I have always used Boots own brand nappies, breastfed, puréed my own food etc. Savings are very helpful but not an essential.

thank you Ellargh
Just to clarify, my periods when I was younger and heavier were irregular - and now in the last 6months or so have stablised and are very regular, amazingly. I am trying hard to lose weigh and have even taken up running and did race for life this year! i want to be a healthy weight not just for me now but for my unborn child! i was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes a year ago, which was such a shock but the kickstart I needed to get my health in check and now my glucose is better then non diabetics! apparently im a miracle case my nurses favourite patient and aim to be fully controlled on just diet and exercise alone by the end of the year.

You don't need a bugaboo - an ordinary buggy will do just fine.
At your age you have time in your favour, so if you think that waiting a while is the best thing then do that. If you have a talk with your husband about planning for a baby and perhaps come up with a firm plan about trying in a couple of years time and a plan for what you are going to do in the meantime such as looking after your health and saving money then at least you will have a focus so once your exams are out of the way, you will be ready in other aspects of your life.

Glad to hear things are good with your menstrual cycle. A very good sign.

You're doing the best for you and your future family. I had mine young with an overweight body and no money but it worked out. It's still not perfect but we're getting there. If DD1 hasn't have been such a happy accident I would think the same way as you and get my life as much in control as I could.