3 years and 9 months TTC

[stillnobaby]

I'm 39, and after TTC for 2 years turned me into a loon, we took a break and just decided to see what would happen. Nothing. Had the tests, everything came back ok, referred to fertility clinic, then we were told no funding available, here's a prescription for Clomid, £110, come back every month and give us £200 for a scan, then go and save £5000 for IVF which probably wont work the first time, so think about saving more. We simply can't afford it or don't have the time to waste trying to save up, as I'll be 40 next year. So it looks like I'll never be a Mummy.

I just keep thinking there must be a reason why?? Have I done something wrong? Am I being punished? Am i drinking too much coffee? DH has two children from previous relationships and his SA have always come back ok, so I assume it must be me.

Hi Stillnobaby,

You haven't done anything wrong so please don't think that. We seem to be in the unexplained camp too, nothing wrong with us but still no baby. I'm hoping to be referred for IVF next month but we shall see, things are never that simple!

There's not really a lot I can say to make you feel better but at least you know you are not alone, it sucks and it's really hard to cope with. Have you considered asking your GP to be referred for counselling?

Sending big hugs your way hun, theres no way you've done anything wrong its just the cruel process of TTC for many of us
Im 32, we've been TTC for nearly 2 years now and have just started our journey of tests. My OH also has a son and his SAs have come back normal so I can understand you feeling like its obviously something wrong with you..
Its a real shame theres no funding available in you area, would you consider going down the adoption route ?

I feel for you Still. Don't blame yourself, I don't think it's as simple as either the man or woman's 'fault' when it's unexplained. I assume (well for us, in the unexplained camp) that it's a combination of little things across both parties that can't be fixed easily with one thing like Clomid.

Sadly there is a postcode lottery for ivf treatment. In spite of NICE guidelines many PCTs don't offer it because of the low success rates. If the postcode lottery ended suddenly we would then have a long backlog of women requiring treatment. I think what I'm saying is don't wait for the NHS. You've said you won't be able to save up enough, but is there anything you can do to get the money so that even if it didn't work, you know in years to come that you tried everything? Obviously it's difficult to comment on others financial situations so will shut up now. Is it really 5k? I was more thinking 3k, but the one place I had a look at was one where you don't need many drugs if you ovulate regularly. I'm not an expert on ivf though, haven't been through it (yet). Best wishes, I really hope you have one of those miracle babies when you least expect it that we all hear about.

Self-funding through an NHS clinic is usually cheaper - maybe 3.5k rather than 5k.

We're unexplained too - on cycle 23 now so I understand how frustrating it is.

Thanks for your replies. I'm going to make an appt to have a chat with my GP. Things might have changed, or as I'm nearing 40 she might feel sorry for me! Previously, shes not been very sympathetic at all and made me feel a bit guilty for wasting her time IYKWIM but even if I can get some counselling I think that might help.

One of my colleagues is 40 and she has just announced she is 24 weeks pregnant.... so I guess burying my head in the sand and hoping every month just isnt going to cut it anymore! I'm sooo happy for her though. I'll admit I used to feel insanely jealous if anyone was preggers but I just feel really happy for her. I just want it to be me too!

Good luck to you all xx

Stillnobaby please don't think ts your fault (hugs) have you ever considered adoption perhaps?

If your GP still isn't helpful then push to see another. Some are just crap so although it's not easy you do have to push.

As others have said, it may well be less than 5k - I start my downreg tomorrow and the whole lot - including the treatment, all drugs and even ICSI - is 4k. And at good clinic with excellent results. It would have been 3k had we not needed ICSI.

And despite what some people say, it can work first time - this is going to be my first cycle and believe me, I've googled first time success till the cows come home.

Best of luck. Your chance isn't over yet but you are right that at 39 it would be wise to push things along.