Supporting a friend through IVF

[zingally]

After about 18 months of TTC, my best friend and her husband have discovered he has a very low sperm count, and due to her very long cycle (about 40 days), they aren't having much luck oh naturel.

After talking to doctors, their next step is IVF. Obviously this is somewhat distressing for them, she is 27, he is 28, and this would be their first child.

In my BFF capacity, I'd like to do everything I can to support them, but what? Those of you who have been through this situation, I'd appreciate any advice you can offer!

Thanks!

This is what I want from my friends (& am lucky enough to get):
To be listened to - no matter how many times they've heard me witter about it before.
To remember important dates & maybe send me a text / call to let me know they're thinking about us.
To understand that our no drinking alcohol is important to us & to not say things like 'oh one won't hurt' & 'you've changed!'

It's lovely that you've thought about getting some advice. I wish them lots of luck.

I agree with all the above and especially the 'not-defining' them. Only thing I would add (and this might sound counter-intuitive) is that IVF isn't a 'terrible' thing. It's expensive and painful and draining and emotional (and I could go on for ages) but sometimes when I tell people they give me the 'head tilted to one side' 'oh that's so terrible' look. I'm not sick or broken (and neither is my DH) we just need help in achieving our dream of starting a family and I don't want pity - I just want someone to listen to me and empathise.

You are lovely to have thought so far ahead though and they are very lucky to have you as a friend.

I agree - what a nice friend you are !

I'd add that to some extent you should be lead by your friend as to how much she does or doesn't want to discuss it. My best friend knows about our fertility woes (which include a failed IVF cycle) and sometimes I'm happy to chat to her about it - and other times I'm not (usually coinciding with how happy or fed up I'm feeling about things). She's great in guaging when to ask questions and when not to mention it !!

I also think that fertility problems hugely change you as a person. Things that I used to enjoy doing with my best friend (err .... which did also usually involve excessive drinking !!!!) now seem meaningless (plus I'm avoiding alcohol). As a result I don't see her a fraction of what I used to. Being the star she is she has never taken it personally and still invites me to lots of social things (she's a natural born organiser !) even though she blatently knows the answer will be no. It's really really appreciated that I haven't been 'forgotton' in what is quite an isolating experience.

All the very best to your friend.

xx