Early miscarriage - what did you feel?

[Lovestodance]

I found out I was pg last Thursday after only 2 attempts and felt really lucky and excited (I'm 36, no children and convinced I would be infertile!). Me and OH got carried away talking about it, looking up due date, etc. We then went on a (pre-planned!) camping weekend with all his family to Devon. On Sat I started bleeding in the evening and the following morning it had turned heavy and I had cramps which I knew wasn't a good sign. Talk about timing - there I was in the middle of a field (in the rain!), with no shops nearby and trying to be upbeat to hide it from his family (I couldn't in the end!). Anyway I finally got back home yesterday and did a test which was neg. So that was that.

One minute I feel totally fine, can rationalise it, knowing that it's just one of those things, it was VERY early, and it was here and gone in a flash (I would have been 5wks today). But then the next minute I get really teary feeling sad that it only lasted a short time, it didn't really have a chance and now it's gone.

My husband since told me that when he went to zip up the tent the night I started bleeding, he saw a shooting star whizz across the sky and thought that was a sign which I think is a 'lovely' way to think about it.

I feel silly crying because people go through so much worse, and I know it's all ok we'll just try again but I wanted to hear some of your stories to see how you felt...

x

Hi, don't feel guilty for feeling bad just because others have been through worse. I have had a few chemical pregnancies. They were quite similar to yours, missed period BFP followed by bleeding 2-4 days later.

The first time it happened I was gutted, I knew in theory it could end but I honestly didn't think it would happen to me. It was a horrible shock and you need time to grieve. It is all very well knowing that it was very early days and this is really common but it is still horrible it is natural to feel upset.

Hope you feel better soon, best of luck when you try again.

Lovestodance I'm so sorry to hear your story. You have every right to be sad and to cry - so just let it all out. I had a mc at 6 weeks earlier this year - following IVF. We were over the moon when we got our BFP and just loved having our little secret over Christmas. As part of our treatment we'd booked in for a 6 week scan - which showed that i had mc. I absolutel bawled my eyes out - in the clinic, at home, on the tube, everywhere. TBH i cried just the other day about 'what if'. Let OH look after you (he sounds lovely btw). And try again when you're ready... Fx you get the BFP and successful pregnancy and a gorgeous baby very soon x

Much sympathy - I had exactly this recently too - I'd have been 5w2d today. I do have DC, but I have had two later on first trimester losses too. This early loss hit me just as hard emotionally I think as the later D&C losses. I was very surprised at how hard I took it considering my past history, I ended up in quite the tizz, probably worse than my 9 week loss even. How you feel is how you feel, you can't help it.

Like you, I felt bad for getting so cut up over it when others go through much more. But I guess there is always going to be somebody worse off no matter what it is. And any loss damn well hurts in some way.

The hormones make it worse, it took until Sunday before I started feeling a bit more normal again, far more intense than a regular period. I felt so angry and sad, still do a bit. No matter how long a pregnancy lasts before you lose it, from the moment you see that BFP you start to dream and make plans - how could you not? What you're grieving is the loss of that particular dream. Sure, you may conceive straight away next month, but it won't be that baby, due on that date. You know the difference.

Your DH sounds lovely, what an appropriate thing to say. That would make me cry, in a good way.

Fingers crossed for your next attempt, I hope your next BFP has that happy ending!

So sorry for your loss OP. Don't feel bad about crying. I had a missed mc discovered at 12 wk scan. Such a shock. As you say you know it can happen, but even so when it does to you it's very hard to take in and come to terms with. It took me a few years tbh - I couldn't try again for various reasons, so that was it for me and I think that was what made it very difficult for me.
On the up side, I was told your fertility it much higher in the weeks following mc due to hormones... so good time to try again?