Conception after stillbirth taking longer than before?

[amyboo]

My DS2 was stillborn at nearly 36 weeks on 22 April. I am desperate to have another chid (maybe this is the problem) and had my first period 3 weeks after DS2 was born. My first cycle was then 33 days, my second one was 28 days and my last one was 28 days. I've been getting ewcm and we've been ttc at the right times - pretty much every day from cd9/10 to cd20 ish! As we did when I've conceived in the past. Am currently on cd27 and am pretty much convinced I'm not pregnant, as I have typical pmt symptoms.

So, I just wondered if it's possible that I'm having af and ewcm but not ovulating? I've had 3 pregnanices (first ended in mmc at 13 weeks), and each time it only took me a maximum of 2 cycles to get pregnant. I'm 32 so I don't think there's anything age-related....

I know it's only been 3 months, but I'm just so depressed about the idea of ttc for ages after getting so close to the end of my pregnancy with DS2. I realise I'm lucky in that it's only taken me a couple of months to conceive in the past, but am just wondering if my stillbirth could have completely messed up ovulation? Any thoughts on this would be gratefully received.

amyboo hugs to you, I have been too wondering, and you know my story. I guess it doesn't help you that I have been unsuccessfully trying for 15 months.

Have you been using opks? They might help put your mind at rest that you are ovulating. Or go to you doctor and have a chat tell them how you are feeling and see if they will do the tests for you.

Also its a depressing stat but I think you have a 20% chance of getting pg every month.

FX for you.

Your post struck a chord with me amyboo, i am so sorry that you lost your little boy.

I got pregnant on my honeymoon four years ago, first time not using any protection and the positive test on our return came as a completely unexpected but wonderful surprise. I was so happy i was turning 30 and it was the start of my new life with my husband and i was so looking forward to the future...

We lost our beautiful perfect little girl at 32 weeks due to a clot in the placenta. It completely broke me. I could barely lift my head off the pillow, she was my first and i had nothing really to get up in the morning for. I missed and wanted her back so badly and losing her shook me to my very foundations. I couldn't understand what i had ever done to anything or anybody that deserved the pain i was going through. Why did it have to happen to me?

It took about three months for my periods to come back. After that i wanted to be pregnant again so badly that it became a bit all consuming. I bought a fertility monitor and opk kits and started tracking my cycle on fertilityfriend.com. I used the temping and cervical fluid tracking etc... You name it i tried it, it turned out that i was not ovulating at all some cycles or i had unbelieveable long cycles - 45 days in some cases. I had tests done and there was nothing wrong with me or dh. It was all consuming and caused a bit of damage with my husband - conception sex is not very bonding in my experience. One year later with no luck the anniversary of our little girls death was looming. i was dreading it so to think about something else we booked a lovely big house in the scottish highlands for a week and invited my closest friends and family to come and share the sad anniversay with us and cheer us up. The day before we left for her anniversary trip i got a bpf.

i just wanted to let you know that your not alone and yes your cycles will be a bit messed up for a while. I wish someone could have told me that. Your milk came in and you body has just gone through something huge. My only advice is try to focus on you, your partner and your ds1. It's probably not what you want to hear but please give your self time to HEAL. With me i know our problems all stemmed from me not being ready to emotionally deal with it all.

It will happen for you, i promise. We have now got two little girls and after trying for a year for dd2, with dd3 we got pregnant on our first cycle.

Oh bugger, sorry for my post being so long....

Thanks for the responses and hugs.

fanjo I'm so sorry about your little girl. I saw from the other thread that you're using the opk tests. I think if I'm definitely not pregnant this cycle I'm going to go down that route too. I guess if it turns out I'm definitely not ovulating, I'll go and see my gynaecologist. I really hope it happens for you soon.

plum Hmm, I think you've just written down exactly what I was thinking about ttc. It's never been such an "obsession" before, and I know it's not great to focus on it so much. But, it's so hard not to when you've already lost a little one. It's very comforting to know that you went on to have two successful pregnancies. I'm so sorry you lost your little dd1. Stupid question I guess, but does it ever get any easier to deal with?

I am sorry to tell you that pain and deep sadness will always be there somewhere. It is part of you, im afraid. You are now a person with a few layers...

The pain does change though, the body is awfully clever and the terrible panic and i have lost something feeling in your stomach does fade. I find that i "go there" every once and a while but it is more of a wave now and less like i'm drowning. I just ride the wave it and the pain passes and you get back to the dishes or whatever it was that you were doing. It happened to me recently when i was clearing a load of old magazines out of the study and a I came across the 'i'm pregnant' magazine i bought when i found out we were expecting the first time. I know it is cliche but life does go on. It has to. When you have your baby (and you will) they never replace the wee one you lost but it will help fill the emptyness you are feeling right now.

Cry as much as you need to, occupy yourself with anything that makes you feel good - a holiday, beauty treatments, wine with a good friend that doesn't mind you talking about it when you need to, whatever.

Be kind to yourself and your partner. When you move to the next stage of healing don't let yourself feel guilty for laughing or being happy or not thinking about it one morning. You deserve to be happy again and you will be.

Xxxx

Amy no wise words to offer but wish you all the best

Plum you made me cry. So glad your next BFP happened when it did.

Just wanted to send my heartfelt sympathy and support! You have been through a terrible ordeal and have come through the other side, amazing! I truly hope things take a turn for the better for you oth, love and hugs xxx

plum thank you for posting your story it means alot, I have been trying for 15 months after the stillbrith of my daughter, I have had two misscarraiges since then. It is hard to carry on sometimes but you have go tit so right with what you say. Thank you.

Amy its so tough isnt it. We miss you on the thread.

Thanks fanjo. I've had to lurk rather than post on the thread lately, as I reallywasn't doing so well. A ton of my friends have been announcing their pregnancies recently, including my closest friend, which is proving harder than I thought. I guess I thought I'd be pregnant again by now too... I go back to work in a month and am dreading it. I kind of feel embarrassed to go back after what's happened. You're all so strong on the rainbow babies thread, and I just don't feel quite like that yet.

Hello amyboo I'm not sure that we've met but I'm a newbie on the angels & rainbows thread (our daughter died aged 2 days eight weeks ago). I am quite strict with myself that I am not looking at any other threads, just that one, but as we have a new thread and I had to search through Conception to find it just now, I saw your title and decided I had to read it. Obviously we did not lose our daughter to stillbirth - although it was a pretty close thing - but equally obviously it struck a chord. I am so sorry for the loss of your ds2.
I can't speak for any of the other ladies on the rainbows thread, but I just wanted to say, I don't feel at all strong. I feel terrible. And, like you, I am also surrounded by pregnant friends. This isn't to try to convince you to come back on the thread or anything. Just to let you know.

It took us a long time to conceive our daughter so I have a little bit of knowledge about ttc. I 100% believe that plum (hello to you, and I am so very sorry about your dd1...) is absolutely right - you can expect irregular cycles. Given that you have conceived easily before, it's very unlikely that you are not ovulating - possible, but unlikely - and in that unlikely event, it would probably be the case that you are just not ovulating right now, due to stress. And of course it's completely normal for some cycles to be anovulatory anyway. You have had three pregnancies; things look very positive - IYSWIM - for you to conceive again.
Agree also with fan that using opks might help to put your mind at rest.

I am no expert but that was my ha'penny worth... I hope it helps. I just felt for you so strongly when I read your first post. xxx

amyboo hugs to you, you know you can post anything on the thread we don't mind, we have all been throught it.
I understand totally what you have said about going back to work, I was dreading it and actually broke down on my way to work that first morning. Have you talked to your boss about a staggered return? Maybe doing one day a week or a few hours a day for a couple of weeks?

I'm not strong, I'm a wreck a lot of the time. But I am further down the road I guess. This time last year I was locked away in my bedroom, watching dvds and surfing the net, it took me four months before I would go out by myself.
You do what you feel is right don't be forced into anything you know yourself and what u can handle.

Thanks everyone. It's so rubbish all of this isn't it. Off to see my Mum tomorrow with DS1 and DH. She lives in a nice hot part of France, so maybe some sunshine will cheer me up a bit. I can't do a staggered return to work nfortunately. I'm a civil servant in the EU and all of these things have to go according to our strict staff regulations.... I am going back 80% time, s hopefully that will help.

Argh. CD29 but no AF... My last two cycles have been bqng on 28 days and I'm normally pretty regukar. Just did a normal pregnancy test, and no pink line after 3 minutes, but a very faint one (DH can see it too) appeared after about 8 minutes, so within the 10 minute time frame. Don't know what to think. The other negative tests I've done in the past have never got a faint line, even after 15/20 minutes. Grrr. Guess I'll just have to carry on waiting and see if AF appears. I hate all this rubbish. Just wish I had my little boy, so I wouldn't have to be going through ttc again.