Any tips on how to 'chill out' during TTC?????????

[princesschick]

So, here I am again, negative pregnancy test in hand, 21st cycle of TTC (over a period of 3 years with 2 MCs thrown in for good measure). ERTD about to kick in with avengeance tomorrow / Sunday.

Short history: all my test results seem ok, despite right ovary with polycystic appearance (been told not to worry about this by consultant) and progesterone on lowish side 30.1 at 7DPO (again consultant told me I ovulated 'nicely' when this result came through and not to worry). During the last consultant appointment he helpfully told me that I'm obsessing and that I should 'chill out'. Since then I've heard nothing but "relax and it will happen" "just forget about it" or (my personal fave ) you've got to "address this stress". Yeah thanks for that DH.

I do yoga, I've been swimming, I've stopped temping, I've stopped OPKs, I've tried meditation, I've adapted my diet and have a nutritionist, I go for weekly reflexology, We've booked several breaks this year, I've booked in an accupuncture session, I don't have a stressful job, I read interesting books, I bake cakes, I socialise.... And yet still I can't shake TTC from my mind. Short of being hypnotised I've no idea what to do! I'm at my wits end (and have the worst PMS know to women kind)

HELP!

Any other suggestions? I'd love to hear 'em!

Ok, I won't lie I never chilled out about it. I'd had 3 miscarriages, and was feeling like it'd never happen which made me feel as if I'd never be the only thing I'd ever actually wanted to be... a mum. So I'm not going to try and chill you out or give you advice on chilling because it'd make me a big fat liar!

However, on ttc, twice I got pregnant by simply having sex once in the morning before getting up for work and once before bed at night. Just for good measure I'd put a pillow underneath my hips to elevate them just after sex and keep like that for 20mins, It was hard work! :) I did miscarry after the first time of doing that but I'm now 37weeks pregnant. Took me 3-4months after the miscarriage to conceive again and I did only in the month that I figured 'f**k staying calm I'm getting pregnant!' and started the 2 times a day thing!

For me it turned out that I felt better in myself knowing that I was doing everything I could which actually made me less stressed about it. I really hope it happens for you! I'm sure it will! xx

Thanks for your non-patronising advice Pipsy! Oh how lovely that you are so close to meeting your little one! I'm going to start charting again next month (regain control!) and will be making DH do me twice a day during the fertile window!!!! Thank you for your words of encouragement and GL with the birth xxx

I'm on month 11 and not allowed to TTC next month (due to some short-term medication) but am feeling quite chilled. The only way I can do it is to think about the various things I am able to do because I'm not PG or with a small child. So tonight I'm lying on the sofa having a glass of champagne and I've been here since I got home from work! We are heading out tomorrow to meet some friends and soak up some good city living, and we are going on a major long haul holiday next month. I am trying to enjoy the 'work hard, spend my pennies on me' scene before the nappies and baby sensory scene descends. I think I'm just trying to enjoy the stage my life is at and not wish it away to the next stage.

Vitamin B6 and Agnus Castus both good for PMS by the way.

In saying all of this, i'm fairly young, healthy etc and I just cannot seem to conceive. My friend at work conceived in the first month of trying. Lily Allen is expecting a baby and has an 8 month old. My SIL had her babies 16 months apart. My siblings were born 11(!) months apart. When I sit down and think about these things, the panic rises...

Good luck

I wish you the best of luck! I didn't do the charting because I found it all confusing, so I literally had sex twice a day from the day I came off my period until I'd be due to have another one... It did take a bit of passion out of it but oh well we got what we wanted and by the second trimester the passion was back and all the 'work sex' was forgotten about! Fingers crossed for you, hope it works for you too!

Hi princess, I know the feelings you describe well and it's an awful situation to be in. We have been at the ttc business for well over 2 years with 3 mc's in there and currently v early on in 4th pg. On our own it takes us about 10 to 11 months to conceive. What helped me was when we finally got some help (on the nhs). Are you entitled to iui or ivf? We got referred after about 20 months of ttc. Again our tests came back clear but stimulated iui (using menpur) seemed to do the trick for us (twice, first time mc). There is also clomid. I hated the stuff and it was like pmt amplified but it may be worth a shot even if you are ovulating? I found having a good consultant and being taken seriously really helped as did putting some of the responsibility and effort into someone else's hands. Once we got referred a lot of the pressure and stress just dropped away.
With acupuncture I have been at it for over a year, not sure it's that beneficial (I didn't conceive naturally in that time) but it is quite relaxing

I wish you all the best with it all. Feel free to pm me if you want any info on clomid, menopur or iui. X

You don't have a stressful job - maybe that is part of it, your work is not challenging and fulfilling enough to distract you from the broodiness.

The uncertainty is so hard to live with. Sometimes I wish I was religious

Thanks ladies. I'm feeling much calmer today. That could just be CD1 tho!!! :)

Tuesday I read your post after having a couple of glasses of delish french wine, oysters, pate and a really nice time with DH at one of my fave French restaurants. A sort of let's celebrate the BFN with all the things you can't have until your next BFN in case you are pregnant. I've got a nutritionist who hasn't wanted to put me on agnus castus and I take plenty of vits in my mutli vit. It's something I looked into a while ago but she warned that agnus castus wasn't suitable when trying for a baby. My PMS is actually much better than it used to be - combination of re balancing my mineral ratios and ensuring I eat slow release foods regularly through the day. I think it may just take the diet some time to kick in and PMS runs in the family so it may never fully go. But you are totally right about spending pennies on me attitude and enjoying me time baby free. You sound really chilled out and cool about the whole thing, well done you! And all the best of luck xx

Pipsy hats off to twice a day all the time! That's amazing!!! I'm so glad that it's got you to where you want to be too.

Jem I'm on another long term TTCers board and am very familiar with the range of treatments. My consultant has done some blood tests (for recurrent miscarriage and the 7 DPO that my GP missed) and we're scheduled to see him again next month. I'm not sure what the next steps will be but he seems pretty confident that we'll get there unaided. However, he may want to check my tubes with an HSG if we're still not having any luck. I think they like to check hormones, ovaries, sperm and then tubes before sorting out any treatment. It may be that they want to start treatment if we don't have any luck but he seems to think it will happen naturally later this year. I'm just an impatient bunny! Thanks for the offer of chat, that's really kind of you. I'll keep it in mind :)

Holeyghost you've struck a chord with the job situation, however, it affords me so much flexibility (I work for the family firm) and I changed from a very stressful, full on job this time last year and I don't have to commute which is a big bonus but I do miss the office banter which used to keep my mind off of the TTC stuff. Still swings and roundabouts isn't it!? I don't miss the pregnancy / birth announcements at work or the baby chat.

Well you have all made me feel so much better and reminded me that I need to be focusing on non TTC stuff and upping the sex throughout the month! I think that Friday was PMS doom day and that has lifted over a nice weekend and AF turning up today. Onwards!

Sounds like you are dong everything you can and more!! Take care hope it works out son xxxx

Aww thanks Wrighty it's so hard isn't it? Although I took a leaf out of Tuesdays book today and treated myself to a nice new outfit for the Blur gig in Hyde Park on Sunday. I will be enjoying a couple of glasses of champers too :)

Excellent - you sound really positive. Enjoy things while you can, it will all have changed before you know it.