Over 35 and still childless? Let's stick together!

[Lolcbcb]

Hi all
I am fairly new to MN but am already slighted addicted to it and find it is a great support and place to talk honestly and freely!
Apart from the usual stresses of ttc, I think some of us put even more pressure on ourselves due to age!
So I thought we could share experiences, hold hands and hopefully get our bfps together too...
If you have reached or passed 35 and is still trying for your first one, either because I wanted no kids till recently, or due to fertility problems/ mc, or any other reason, come John me :-)
This is me:
I'm 38 and married DH 2 years ago, after divorcing 1st husband. Did not want children with first one and until about 18 months ago was not sure I wanted them. Was not ttc but was not avoiding it, and suddenly got bfp on 13july. Sadly ended in mc and I now find myself desperately wanting a baby!
Waiting for cycle to get back to normal but feeling terrified it won't happen again easily due to my age!

Hello, I'm here, in the same situation.

I'm 35, nearly 36, husband is nearly 38. Been married for 4 years, trying for 3. I've had 2 miscarriages (just in the process of having a very early one now at 5 1/2 weeks). Trying not to panic, but can't help it. It is also putting pressure on our relationship, we're ok, but at times it is a bit fraught.

We're under our local fertility unit, I'm about to start clomid. Trying to be positive, but not finding it easy. Cannot imagine my life without children. :-(

Hi Lou
Thanks for your reply. DH does not want to go down ivf route as he went through that with previous partner who was infertile and she never got pg.
So we either need to do it naturally or not do it at all
That is hard for me but I try not to let it harm our relationship-very hard sometimes!
What does clomid do for you? Have u had loads of tests to find out why u having mc?

Clomid encourages you to ovulate. I think this may be one of my problems - i.e. I don't ovulate every month. I've had lots of blood tests, plus a lap and dye (where they open you up and investigate all your tubes and clear away any cysts, fibroids etc). My husband has also had 3 sperm tests.

Everything looks ok. I've often felt that I have a problem with implantation - several months when we've tried very hard I get a lot of pain around the end of my cycle, and feel very 'different' (it's like I can almost sense something is trying to happen) and then I have a lousy, heavy period. I've explained this to my fertility nurses, but I don't think they investigate until someone has had 3 miscarriages. At the moment I feel like I'm on a bit of a conveyor belt and that clomid is simply the next step. May be it's just indicative of how I feel at the moment (a bit fed up), but I'm not overly positive. I feel there are more chances of me winning the lottery right now than having a baby!

Hi

I'm almost 36 (in November) and am childless through choice until now. I've never tried to get - or been through accident - pregnant. So now I've just started trying with no idea how well it'll go.

My H2B is 32 and also has no kids.

I'm just hoping things go OK.

Sorry others seem to be having problems.

There are quite a few of us around this board.

I'm 36. Didn't want kids through my 20s, then when I did I had to wait for my then bf, now husband to catch up. We started trying when I was 34. We've tried various kinds of assistance. Not a sniff of a BFP yet.

Does anyone else find it difficult not to feel like they're 'waiting' all the time?

I feel like my life has been on hold for the last couple of years. I know this isn't very positive and there are plenty in worse situations than mine,..... but still, this is how it feels.

Hello ladies, I'd love to join you if I may. I'm a regular contributor over on Property/DIY but mostly just lurk on here (and on baby names ) in order to avoid getting hysterical by 'missing buses' and all that crappy crap.

I'm 38, been TTC for 3 years. Didn't want kids (or marriage) for years, changed mind, got married to long term partner, decided to go for it. Nothing happened.

Turned out my tubes are blocked as a result of abdominal surgery for an unrelated condition. Am in the first treatment cycle for IUI. It's been fine so far, even though I'm a total scaredy-cat normally. Don't let the crazies scare you.

Couple of regrets - wish I'd started investigations, especially the dye test, earlier. Wish I'd gone private (because the NHS is brilliant but sooo slow).

thisoldgirl if you don't mind me asking, how is IUI supposed to assist blocked tubes? Surely there the problem is that the egg can't get to the right place, not the sperm?

For me one of the hardest things is when people ask-how come you left it so late?!
I don't regret waiting as such however I do fear I've left it rather late and when hit with a mc I started fearing it might not happen again anytime soon.
It does break my heart to see how desperate my mum is to be a nan- I'm her only dc so her only chance!
Having said that at least with the mc it has stopped people asking me and given me a bit more breathing space.
Do u all track your cycles with temp checks, cm and opk??? I'm scared that might make me a tad obsessed and forget other things in life such as having sex for fun with DH?

Me. 35 started ttc at 33, no sight of a bfp. My story is too long winded to write down here (involving a fibroid that ended up not being a fibroid and pointless major surgery but hey ho) there is no obvious reason why we haven't conceived which is frustrating and hopeful in equal measure I guess. I do temp and chart etc, it's pretty hard to stay in this game for long without wanting to know what's happening in terms of timing.

Sadly I was ready for babies at 26. Ex of ten years never did get ready with me, though I hear he was very ready with my replacement.. Met dh at 31, started trying at 33. It makes me when I get the tick tock/career woman/having it all guff that gets spouted on the bbc once a month. I think I'm lucky to have managed to be back in a position to get on with it with my infinitely nicer partner and actually I can only be glad my ex was so resistant as he was a total and utter shit (I know this now!).

I try not to think of myself as childless - I know I am but it just feels a bit

Eurochick I had surgery to clear the adhesions. One tube was mangled beyond repair but they've got one lovely and clear now. I'm also having medicated cycles to give the working tube a fighting chance. Also, I do ovulate and I've never had an irregular period, so it may be that the egg does manage to get out into the uterus somehow.

I may yet go down the IVF route but my NHS clinic seems to prefer a softly-softly journey. I have an AMH of 15 so they thought it was worth a shot, as it were

Am in a similar position, 38 and DH 40. No previous DC. Met when I was 36, married at 37 and been TTC for nearly 18 month without a sniff of BFP. We have had all the tests but nothing conclusive wrong with either of us. Next step is IVF starting next month!!

I am of the mind that we will get there if we continue as we are, DH is keen to give IVF a go. I feel we are backed into a corner as we aren't getting any younger and I would hate to think we miss our chance by not going for it now.

Old our NHS clinic are quite the opposite, and very keen to rush us down the IVF route. There is no waiting list here and we have already put things back 6 weeks to give us breathing space and a chance of a natural BFP

Ah, I see. With one clear tube I can see the logic to IUI!

Jelly I understand the feeling of being backed into a corner. We were also rushed down the IVF route and started in June. I felt like I had to go along with it due to age, even though I had reservations. I had a disasterous reaction to the downregging drugs (basically drug-induced depression - they turned me into a different person - absolutely awful, plus almost every physical side-effect in the book) and stopped the cycle at the end of downregging as I felt I couldn't go on another day. Not being 100% sure that IVF was the way to go really didn't help me get through the physical and mental side-effects. The moral of the story is to make sure that you are ready for IVF before you go down that road!

euro I have been lurking on previous threads where I have seen mention of your journey. It is so tough and we all have to make decisions that are right for us. I agree we have to be ready before we go down this route. I have been for some counselling and feel in a much better mental place. But it has taken some getting used to as I never thought we would need to go down this route. By buying us some more time I feel we will be ready by the time we start our treatment cycle.

Yes me...i'm 35 and always said i didn't really want kids until i was a least 30..been ttc for over 4 years and if i'd known i'd definately have started sooner. Try to keep positive..i'm so sorry about your mc but a least you know you can get pregnant..i have unexplainned so to my knowledge i've never been pregnant although i do suspect like you i have problems with implanting as a couple of times i've just felt pregnant and then af arrives :( I wonder if there are any tests for this??? i also know how u feel about putting life on hold...we would love to get married but i just won't plan it because i so desperately want a child.
Anyway just want to say good luck and i know lots of people who have had a baby at 38 and way into there 40's too so never ever give up xxx

I'm glad of this thread today. I wondered, between us, do you have many same age friends who don't have kids? I have just one now and she started trying last month so I imagine soon I'll have none. A not interested in babies friend would be v much appreciated sometimes!

Evening girls
Nice to see so many of us in the same boat even though it's not the nicest boat to be in... But u get my drift!
I see what you mean by being cornered. My gp almost made me feel I deserved to have difficulty since it was my choice to build my career first. Not a nice feeling.
Agree what u say about ivf, and at the moment I am not ready for that. I am hopeful that by having extra sex at the right time I will get pg again and keep it full term this time!
What a roller coaster this has been for me!
Have to say MN and u ladies have made it a lot easier!
Thanks xx

rabit my best friend is my age and has no interest in kids whatsoever! My boss who is also a very good friend turns 40 this month and does not want kids either.
All others already have kids
I work with many younger girls (around 25) who all want kids one day so done really understand this feeling!
Glad of the thread too. Feel less lonely by knowing not the only one in the world.
Where do you all live by the way?