Terrified of getting pregnant again after horrible birth first time round...

[ag123]

Don't really know if this is the right place to post but anyway...

So I'm quite a way off being able to start TTC for the second time but was just wondering if anyone else had experienced this and how you dealt with it?

I have always dreamed of having a big family but I was so shocked by the experiences I went through that I really feel quite petrified at the prospect of doing it again...Ds was 11lb at birth (partly due to my big weight gain) which contributed to a horrible labour- drip induced, epidural, failure to progress and eventual emcs with rupture and 2 litre blood loss- all your classics really and everything I had previously been convinced wouldn't happen in my labour.

I'm just so scared my body won't be able to do it again...I have awful stretch marks right up to my ribcage and I would so love to be able to have a VBAC but have no idea if it would be possible.

Has anyone else felt this and how do you deal with the fear?

I had similar experience to you, except they managed to pull DD1 out with ventouse. I then had a big bleed. The only way I would consider having another child was to have an ELCS, which I did 4 years later. I could not even contemplate another vaginal birth. DD1 was 8 lb13 and DD2 was 10 lb 3 , so I think I made the right call as a section would have been the likely outcome anyway. I found the section very 'healing' and am now pregnant again, with a boy. Another ELCS for me.

I cannot see a reason why they would insist you had a section, but subsequent babies are usually bigger so they may advise it. Would an ELCS be an option?

Yes it would but I definitely still have that 'failure as a woman' feeling which I would dearly live to overcome although obviously not over the safety of my baby.

Also to be honest my experience of the emcs has made me quite nervous about having a section again-even if elective...It was the moment the anaesthetist said to my husband "There's been a complication and your wife is losing some blood but there's no immediate threat to her life that haunts me. However I do have a friend who works on a labour ward who said women are much more likely to bleed more after a long labour so in that case an elcs would seem the sensible option...

I totally understand the feeling that you have failed as a woman having not squeezed it out yourself. I had DD1 vaginally, but she was ripped out of me as I couldn't do it myself. With DD2 I found it hard to say I gave birth to her because of the ELCS. We are our own worst enemy really.

The elective was wonderful. Calm, controlled, the bleeding was expected and managed without the hysteria of my first delivery. I was home sooner, fit quicker, bonded better and my mental health was so good they were worried I was going manic.

If you want another child does it really matter how it is delivered? It is a day or two in a lifetime and in the whole scheme of things is pretty insignificant. Looking at my two girls playing together earlier today when I first responded to your post really brought that home to me. I was glad I faced my fear and gave life to another little being.

Make the decision you feel is right for you to give you the confidence to ttc again and hopefully a bit of peace in the pregnancy.

Good luck!

Have you been back to the hospital for a de-brief and more discussion about your birth experience? It might help to get it straight in your mind why it turned out the way it did.

I had a crash section with DD and am now expecting DC2. I'd like a VBAC (mainly because I don't want to be holed up unable to drive for weeks) but if it doesn't happen, I won't feel like a failure.

I can recommend a debrief too. It helped to understand why things happened, why decisions were made, and I was also given an apology which helped a bit.