Just feeling a bit fed up and need somewhere to vent. Name changed as this info will probably out me to people who know me. I had a missed miscarriage about 12 weeks ago. Went to early private scan thinking I was 9 or 10 weeks. Me and DH were so excited when I got up on the bed thing and she started the ultrasound. I couldn't stop smiling. Then I realised something was wrong. She asked if my dates were wrong. I measured 5 weeks. She tried to give me hope but I knew it was a mmc. Confirmed at NHS scan. 5 days later I started bleeding.
Then we wait for me to have a period and then start trying properly again. I start to feel pregnant. I know I am. Early test confirms it. Over the moon! Take a test following day to be sure and it was negative. The day after negative again. I start spotting on and off and then bleed a few days later.
Then my rat gets very ill so I take him to vet to be put to sleep. Heartbroken, love the wee guy. Next day my other rat has a heart attack and dies. No rats left (first time we have had no pets in 4 years, we take in elderly/ill/abused rats).
I just feel barren, for want of a better word! I come in from work and usually I would say hello to the rats but they are gone. And it reminds me that I feel so empty as well.
We have been trying for 7 months. We have a holiday coming up, not leaving country, going to a lodge with private hot tub and sauna so TTC put on hold for the moment. Debating whether to TTC the month after as it will end up being my due date on DH's brother's wedding if we conceive first month again. It seems I don't have a problem getting pregnant, I have a problem staying pregnant. I know it's too early to think we have actual problems but I just feel empty.
We are going to the SPCA after our holiday to adopt some more fur babies.