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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

conceiving soon after m/c - advice please ladies!

26 replies

weewilliewinkie · 03/03/2006 16:22

Hello,

It's only been 1 week since I miscarried at 15+2wks. As you can imagine I am devasted by this, but am now thinking non-stop about getting pregnant again. My dh keeps asking when I 'think' I'll be ready to try again - how do I know?! Does the fact that I can't stop thinking about ttc indicate that I am ready, or just that I am still emotional at having lost a pregnancy?

That's daft, of course I am still emotional - in fact I am still raw at losing my baby. But I am desperate to be pregnant again. I just can't bear the thought of not being pregnant when my baby would have been due, in August. Does that make sense to anyone? I don't mean to sound callous, and I don't want to 'replace' the baby I lost with a new one. I really am still all over the place, I suppose.

any words of wisdom would be very welcome.

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Gizmo · 03/03/2006 16:34

Weeeellll....

I am now 10 weeks pregnant, having conceived this pregnancy within 3 weeks of my miscarriage.

Really, I'm not sure how to advise you. I'm very happy to be pregnant again, and in fact now feel quite emotionally 'stable' about the miscarriage (although it was a lot easier for me than for you as my m/c was much earlier in the pregnancy). It's almost like I've managed to grieve the lost baby and focus on the new one at the same time.

However, there are some practicalities to think about. Firstly it's a pain getting a due date if you conceive without one natural cycle after your m/c. This means you end up having to trot out the fact that you have had a m/c in every conversation with the medical profession about this pregnancy which might rub salt in the wound.

Secondly, you do spend much of your time worrying about the new pregnancy. I don't think waiting for a while will change that: you'll still worry. But if you're still very raw, that worry might be multiplied by the grief, which won't be easy.

Be good to yourself - take it one step at a time and if the urge for another baby gets stronger day by day, rather than getting weaker as your grief settles down, then I think you might feel happiest if you go for it.

Original poster
weewilliewinkie · 03/03/2006 16:41

Thank you Gizmo, that all makes sense. I hadn't thought about the dating issue tbh, it would be a pain to have to mention the m/c every time I saw the doc. And I am already worried about how I'll cope with a new pregnancy, eg the worry of it all. I suppose I'll have to take each day as it comes...

I do feel quite stable already given that this time a week ago I was an absolute wreck. It's amazing what we can cope with, isn't it? By stable, I mean that i haven't wept since Wednesday, and can talk to people without wanting to burst into tears. I'm quite a strong person anyway, but my m/c hasn't left my head for more than a few minutes since it happened. I do feel that conceiving again will really help me..

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dramaqueen72 · 03/03/2006 16:41

I'm following your train of thought exactly.... I'm so sorry for your loss, how terribley sad it is.
IMO nothing 'fixes' (quite poss the wrong word) a m/c like a successful pg. or at least in my personal experience. I had two missed m/c, one at 11wks and one early on about 6 wks. inbetween i had a perfect DD.(and another after the last m/c too) you arent being callous, or even attempting to replace you much loved lost baby, so dont think that, or worry that anyone will think that. lots of people find a new pg helps them deal with the loss, and if thats you, go for it. bear in mind you will be 1000 times more paranoid and overly worried during your pg so be kind to yourself. also -it could take a while to get pg again, and I personally found each month I wasnt a serious smack in the face:( so you need to be prepared for that.
theres nothing wrong with ttc again, thats all I wanted to say in my v long winded way!

Tommy · 03/03/2006 16:43

When I had my miscarriage, waited the 2 months the Doc suggested and then really wanted to be pregnant by the time my baby would have been born. I was also a bit anxious about my friend whose baby was due a month before mine and how I would react to her baby's birth and my still not being pregnant. As it happened, the birth of her baby didn't upset me and the due date passed me by without too much distress (still not pregnant the due date was Oct 05).
TBH I would be a bit wary of trying too soon for both emtional and physical reasons but Gizmo obviously has a different experience.
A week after my miscarriage, I was very stoical about it but got upset another week on (although very emotional time as 2 people I was close to died in the same week as my miscariage Sad)
I suppose the other thing is, that even if you start trying now, there's no guarantee you will be pregnant by August anyway (has taken me longer this time than the 3 previous attempts) and maybe placing that August date as a sort of "absoulute" will put too much pressure on you.
Don't know if that helps - just how I feel really!
Good luck Smile

Piffle · 03/03/2006 16:50

I saw my consultant yesterdya as I had an early miscarriage two weeks ago
He said to wait 3 mths
I too am desperate

Piffle · 03/03/2006 16:50

Also meant to say I'm very sorry that you had your miscarriage :(

Original poster
weewilliewinkie · 03/03/2006 16:53

Yeah, that was the other thing - my dh seems to be assuming that I will get pregnant again as soon as we start ttc, I keep having to say to him that we might be trying for months before it happens. Although, tbh, I do feel that it won't take long - this will put pressure on me, I know, if I don't conceive soon. I guess we start trying now and just see what happens. The only thing is, I have no idea when I'm ovulating... I had a d&c and haven't been bleeding since - so my af should be due within the month - is that right?

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Original poster
weewilliewinkie · 03/03/2006 16:56

Piffle - my midwife said that the 3 month thing they tell you is really for your emotional wellbeing, ie, you need to take the time to grieve, as well as for making it easier to date your next pregnancy. Plus it will let you know that everything is back in working order, iyswim.

I'm sorry for your loss too. Sad

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Lio · 03/03/2006 16:59

Hi www (not to be confused with Wicked Water Witch!); depends how YOU are feeling. I was ready to try again straight away after both miscarriages and for me that was the right thing. The first time we were told to wait a month, but this time (am due Aug) we were told that that is only because if you have an official Last Menstrual Period date it makes dating easier, and that since scans are now so accurate it's not necessary to wait. I has a fairly good idea when I was fertile and we were very lucky to conceive again straight away (lucky in that that was what we wanted).

And just so you know, the rawness can last AGES – I was still crying (very occasionally) when ds was several months old, i.e. more than a year after m/c, so had I waited for that to go away I would have just been upset AND not had my lovely ds.

Look forward to seeing how you get on.

Lio · 03/03/2006 17:02

Piffle, why do you have to wait so long? Poor you. (Sorry, I have to leave work and no copmuter at home, will check on Monday.)

FirstNikki · 05/03/2006 16:20

sorry to hear of your loss weewilliewinkie and other on hear.

I know what you are feeling as I lost again on Tuesday. I was told on my first mc (Nov 05)that I was to wait a month or 2 for dates and well being. We did wait 1 cycle and got pg the the first month trying again. This time they said to give myself a break cos they could see how this was effecting me. I do think its all down to personal feeling and if you feel ready then go for it, if not give yourself some healing time. Time will ease the pain I promise.

Best of Luck x

mojomummy · 05/03/2006 16:31

sorry to hear your news SadI had miscarriage last August at 8 weeks (although I was only actually 5 weeks)

As soon as it happened I ordered my ovulation sticks, got my persona back out again & obessed on all the conception websites. I know exactly how you feel & all I can say is it must be a natural way & also helps with you recovering.

I asked the Dr & the miscarriage association & the real answer is, if you're able to get pregnant, you're body is ready for another baby (not sure I entirely believe this, as you can always lose again)

I took agnus castus to help regulate my cycle & despite crying on my way home thinking i was never going to get pregnant, managed in Oct to conceive again.

I would say that the first 3 months have been really VERY miserable. I went to the Dr's & cried & she suggested that I was still grieving. I felt as though i had been tricked & my body had let me down. Still, she arranged a scan for me at 8 weeks. I cried (again) when I saw the heart beat & although I am now 18 +3 days, I'm still not convinced ! the baby I lost would be due any time now, but I'm not mourning. I think these things happen for a reason (goodness knows what) & it does mean I have more time with DD (3 in June)

Tommy · 06/03/2006 08:40

what is agnus castus?

mygirllolipop · 06/03/2006 08:52

It's just my opinion WWW but I think you sound ready to try again. I am sorry for your loss. Why don't you join the ttc after mc thread they are all brill on there and I agree with dramaqueen about you coming to terms with a mc with another pg, it certainly helped that I fell pg the second cycle after my mc.

mojomummy · 06/03/2006 09:18

agnus castus is a herb/supplement that helps regulate menstral cycles - it also helps with sex drive Wink

Tommy · 06/03/2006 09:18

ooh thanks - might be just what I need!

mojomummy · 06/03/2006 09:21

just read your thread Tommy. I had a couple of reflexology sessions too. Before I found out I was pregnant again, I also had accupuncture, telling the lady all about my miscarriage & that I was trying to get pregnant, so she used the appropriate points. If that's any help ? I think sometimes the body needs a helping hand...

Tommy · 06/03/2006 09:26

thanks - will look into it Smile

Original poster
weewilliewinkie · 06/03/2006 10:44

I think I am ready to try again too, mygirllollipop...in fact we have started to try....Wink..now I'm trying not to get my hopes up. I need to convince myself that it will take months to conceive and will not happen immediately just because we want it to so much.

I haven't even had AF yet..does anyone know how long I need to wait before doing a pg test? I suppose I'll just wait and see if AF makes an appearance...maybe give it 3 weeks?

I'm going to try the agnus castus too...

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cori · 06/03/2006 10:52

I think you should give it a least a month. Saying that DH and I did not use any contraception in the intermediate period. it only took us two months to concieve. I also had acupuncture to help me concieve.
are you on the TTC after miscarriage thread. ? There is also an active pregnancy after miscarriage thread when you get the BFP.

RedZuleika · 06/03/2006 11:09

Sorry to hear this.

I had three miscarriages between May and November 2004, then conceived my daughter (now five months) in December 2004.

Personally, I would have found waiting harder than trying again. The only thing is that it can be quite draining physically and emotionally. It also meant that by the time she was born, I felt like I'd been pregnant for 17 months... I don't think there's any reason to wait (if I recall correctly, Lesley Regan says there is no reason for doing so in her book 'Miscarriage') but it helps to know when you've ovulated so that you can date the pregnancy. I've also had some jumped up SHO suggest that my second miscarriage was my own fault for not waiting at least a full cycle after my first (I now know she was extremely ill-informed, but it didn't make me feel any better at the time).

Personally, I think that whenever you get pregnant again, you're going to feel insecure about losing it again - until it's actually out and exercising its lungs!

Hope you feel better. Smile

Original poster
weewilliewinkie · 06/03/2006 11:36

I have so many emotions running through me at the moment, but on the whole I feel that I need to move on, do something proactive - ie, make a baby. I think that this will help me and dh get past the emptiness we're feeling ...and I know that I would find waiting much much harder than trying again.

I think that women are amazingly resilient, and I also think that you should always follow your heart. I know what feels right for me may not be right for someone else.

I'm also nervous at the thought of being pg again, but not so nervous that I would give up trying.

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Arabica · 06/03/2006 12:38

So sorry to hear of your sad loss. Re getting pg, it really is up to the individual. Feelings are very unpredictableyou may feel OK for a while, then, like me, suddenly find yourself overwhelmed with grief for no apparent reason or trigger. After my miscarriage (Feb 2005) I was encouraged by my doctors to try again as soon as I felt readyno need to wait the 3 months if I didn't want to, but try to wait atleast until one normal AF for all the reasons above. This is mainly because of my age (44)--consultant was worried I might run out of time.
However, DH and I didn't feel ready, we needed time to grieve the loss of the pregnancyfor me that meant I needed to get past the miscarried baby's due date; and for me to get fit and well again (m/c coincided with bad asthma attack). Got pregnant at first attempt in November. Now 18+5. However, have not enjoyed the pregnancy; been extremely anxious throughout and won't stop worrying until baby is safely born. If you do get pg, you will find great support on our pg after m/c threadlook forward to seeing you there when you are ready.
Sorry for the essay!

FirstNikki · 06/03/2006 13:17

just a quick note re the angus catcus, I read on here (sorry can't find the thread at the moment) that angus wasn't recommended for pg. so please be cautious. I haven't tried it myself or looked into trying it but did read a couple of cautions on MN.

Original poster
weewilliewinkie · 06/03/2006 13:46

oh, ok...I'll steer clear of the agnus stuff for now then.

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