we have decided to try for a baby - eek!

[mumofjust1]

I have a dd who has just turned 13. My dp isn't her biological father but has been in her life for the last 10 years. He's the only dad she has ever known and she calls him dad, but knows he isn't her biological dad.

Dp and I have decided that we would like a baby together. I have some concerns though.

Firstly, the age gap. My dd is lovely and I know she would like a sibling. I think she'd make a fab sister, but I don't know anyone with such a big age gap between 1st and 2nd children.

Secondly, I'm 33. I'm on citalopram for anxiety - will that be a problem?

Lastly - and this will sound really silly - I'm worried I might not love my second child as much as my first. I'm worried that dd might feel pushed out or replaced. This is probably not the correct place to post, sorry, but any words of wisdom would be great :)

I have a ten year gap between my dd and then ds's, similar situation to yours re dads. I remember worrying so much whether she would be ok. Couldn't imagine loving another one so much, just as you say. All I can say is it all worked out beautifully. Somehow your love isn't halved, it is actually doubled, or tripled! DD loves her brothers so much and they her. I was so busy worrying ,that I no idea how much her life would be enriched. As long as you are aware that their needs are very different and make sure she gets time with you (easily done when baby asleep).

Talk to your gp about the citalopram. I'm sure if it isn't suitable for pregnancy then you can move to one that is ok. Many thousands of pregnant and breastfeeding women are on ads. Wishing you all the best!

Thanks

You've made me feel a bit better.

I didn't know if any antidepressants were safe during pregnancy or bf, it's good to know that they are.

My main concern is dd though. I'd hate to make her unhappy or feel pushed out. Having had just the one for so long it seems a strange concept to be thinking of having two. I don't want to tell her we are going to try for a baby, but I want to kind of gauge how she would feel. I'm sure she'd be happy.

I wouldn't tell her you are trying. You can't possibly know how easy your journey will be and it won't help to have her wondering how its going every month! The fact that you are worrying about her means that you will make sure she won't be left out. Maybe put a thread up on here with a title about larger age gaps and read others positive stories. There will be lots and will hopefully put your mind at rest.

Hi just wanted to give you some perspective from sibling point of view. My youngest sister is 10 years younger than me. There is 13 years between her and my brother. She was a surprise baby. I can honestly say both of us love her so much and she is totally spoilt!

My DH is the youngest in his family (his oldest sister is 16 years older) & he is very close to all his siblings. Its like he has 3 mums as his sisters fuss around him so much

Sure at times as a teenager it could be annoying having a baby around but overall I only have happy memories of my little sister growing up. I think you should go for it. As long as you include your DD in everything & make sure she knows how important she is I'm sure she will be happy to have a sibling.