IVF advice

[worrywortisworrying]

Hi,

Really just looking for some advice on what support / encouragement / help I could give to a brilliant friend who is going through (rather unsuccessful) IVF at the moment.

She is a brilliant person and friend and I would like to support her more than I have been doing (I have 2 DC, one of which has just been diagnosed with ASD, so been totally caught up with that, and not realised until today that she is grieving for a child she doesn't have. Made me feel so and a bit selfish.

ANy advice on what to say or do would be much appreciated.

don't say too much really - just listen and try to cheer her up. I'd avoid saying overly positive things - when we were going through this the amount of people that used to say 'well I know this person...and they were told they couldn't have babies...and now that have 64 children' would drive me up the wall. General take care of yourself/keep the faith/give yourself a break so that you're ready for whatever you decide next is best. Unfortunately this is just a crappy situation without an easy solution. Sure you are doing a good job though.

*they, sorry!

Plus please don't say "Well if it really doesn't work out, you could always adopt". Drove me nutty. Not that you ever would.

Thanks guys.

I've tried not to say anything at all, other than I'm sorry, I'm here night or day if she wants to chat and rant.... and send the odd text (over and above what we would usually send to each other) just to ask how she is etc.,

I think I've avoided all the terrible responses 'Oh, Having kids isn't all that' / 'You can adopt mine' / 'you can try again' and tried to stay in the 'how are you feeling?' / 'I'm here for support if you do want to try again', it just all sounds so useless.

worry you sound like a very nice friend to have around and i'm sure your friend appreciates all your support. one of my good friends just kept in touch (called, texted and popped over for a cuppa) she didn't say much about my treatment, but just chatted about everyday stuff (which helped me realise that there is a life outside ivf). just offer to be there if she needs you or wants to chat. you cant do much more...