Fantastic 40+ thread - part 7

[lolfactor]

Shiny new thread - over here everyone

[Paula2012]

Thanks for all your kind comments makes me feel a bit better. I don't want to go down the IVF/donor egg route as well as the cost I feel that if it is meant to be it will happen. So glad I am not the only one going through this its nice to hear from other women in the same boat. Not many people understand the heartbreak of msc and wanting another child unless they have been there themselves. Feel a lot more positive now.

[Irishmammybread]

Hi everyone!

paula, like you I'm 44 .
I have Ds 19, Dd1 12 and Dd2 8 and miscarried this March at 11 weeks. I got pregnant again after my first AF but unfortunately miscarried at 6 weeks in June.
We didn't wait to ttc this time as the miscarriage was so early . I poas when my AF was a day late, got a BFN but wasn't particularly surprised. A few days later I was feeling crampy and bloated, poas again and got BFP!!!!!! I'm excited but very worried too, having had several miscarriages I know a BFP isn't a guarantee of a successful out come but I did a clearblue digital test this week and it's moved on to +3 weeks since conception so things are progressing even though it's very early days.
Just shows though, 44 isn't too old to get pregnant!

knicky, our dates must be very similar, I'm 5w5d today!

[hopefulgum]

Wow, Irishmammy that's great news. Congratulations. May your pregnancy be trouble-free.For today you are pregnant!

After the longest luteal phase ever, I am bleeding today. Glad that the uncertainty is over. Truly sick of the waiting and hoping and waste of money on first response tests! ARGH. This last few months, with the miscarraige that took a couple of weeks to resolve, i must have gone through about twenty tests.I had better order some internet cheapies.

I'm guessing,after the miscarriage things were a bit off,and I must have ovulated a few days later. I don't know, it is hard to say, I have been charting and the temperature rise would indicate ovulation, but perhaps it's a bit off. Oh well, new cycle, maybe this time? Right now I feel sick of the whole thing, but I know that by the time ovulation rolls near, I will feel differently.

somewhere I love the idea of you proof-reading whilst DTD!Very practical, and this TTC caper has taken the romance and lust out of sex a bit. The deed just has to be done, and the romance can come later, once the BFP arrives...

[somewherebecomingrain]

yep hopeful and my hair was a state (unwashed, not merely mussed attractively). it woz lovely. i dont know about romance after the BFP - during my one pgnancy i became a total banshee - although i was really into sex. unfortunately my DP wasn't one of those who finds pregnancy an enhancement to women's attractiveness so we were a bit at odds there.

sorry about your AF - it sounds like maybe this month was a tricky one and next month it will be easier. i am also grappling with working out what the hell is going on. i was hoping i'd had a disrupted cycle last month indicating a low-level Chem pg the month before, but in fact i just got my dates muddled up. have just bought myself a basal temp thermometer and lo and behold i have forgotten to use it. got some cheapo opk sticks too from the internet, gonna use them alongside my expensive clearblue ones to see if they give consistent results.

ooh - must check my opk.... real-time result here, i think its broken.

goth sorry about your AF. hope it's not too rough and you feel better soon.

irish lovely!

xxx

[knickyknocks]

Irish wonderful news! You're a day ahead of me (I'm 5 weeks 4 days today). I completely understand how you're feeling having had some early pregnancy losses myself. It seems to me that we wait forever to get that BFP, and when we do, you still can't relax and enjoy it. For today, you are pregnant and that's wonderful news.
hopeful and somewhere god yes, romance with DTD?? What's that?? Loving the thought of proof-reading whilst DTD. It had become somewhat perfunctory in the knickyknocks household (how can it be sexy when you're DTD when DD is in bed for her afternoon nap and you've had to take annual leave especially to do it......hardly spontaneous!!)
paula I'm hoping that irish's news will give you the spur on that you need at the mo. That definitely proves we're not too old! xxx

[gothinrecovery]

That's great news Irish, fingers crossed. :)

Still feel rough today and extremely low. To be honest don't know if I should just step away from all of this. I know I am not too old but it took me 4 years to get a BFP (and no reason ever diagnosed - all tests we had were fine) by which time we had basically given up hope, so I can't help feeling that the chances of me getting another one ain't great as it was so difficult to get pg in the first place. Sorry to moan :(

[gothinrecovery]

Wanted to apologise for the miserable post above.. feeling a bit better. Just need to try and stay positive. There are lots of positive stories on here after all.

Gum sorry it wasn't good news this month.

[Irishmammybread]

Thanks for all the good wishes everyone!

gothin, you shouldn't need to apologise, this whole ttc/pregnancy loss business is such an emotional rollercoaster,we all have good days and bad days,look after yourself

[Paula2012]

Irishmammybread that is such good news for you. It's made me feel so much better. There is hope for all us just need to stay positive. You are right 44 is not that old. Years ago women were having children a lot older. Let's hope it happens for all of us soon....

[JBrd]

Aww, ladies, although I know that we're all dead serious about getting knocked up, I can't help but giggle at some of your stories! Thanks, it's lightened up my day

Congrats to you who are already there, very jealous of your BFPs! Struggling with AF, I always bleed like a pig for the first couple of days and feel really rough (sorry for tmi). Not complaining too much, though, I am glad she's finally back. I really hope it won't take us long to get a BFP - I never thought to say this, but with my job being this bad, I want to get pg as soon as possible. I feel guilty for saying this, but I can't face looking for something else at the moment.

[gothinrecovery]

Thanks Irish, think the fact AF has been so bad this month hasn't helped. I probably need to just try and have some fun and not obsess about things so much, just finding it hard to keep positive sometimes.

Fingers crossed for everyone!

[cuckoogirl]

Hello everyone, may I join this thread, please? I'm 41 next month and was pregnant for the first time this year until March when I was told at the 11 week scan that there was no baby - only a fully-developed sac and placenta. I've had four cycles since then but no luck. I really am losing faith, but, more alarmingly, my DP is finding almost impossible to ejaculate around ovulation - sorry if this is too much information. He has infrequently suffered with erectile dysfunction but not so it impaired our lovemaking more than maybe once or twice a year. Now, however, as the months roll on and I am becoming increasingly panicky that I won't conceive again, he is getting into some terrible states approaching ovulation.

Yesterday we visited a gynaecological consultant who told us we didn't qualify for NHS IVF due to my age and the fact that my DP has a child already from a previous relationship. The doctor seemed very unsympathetic - unsurprising I suppose considering I was pregnant this year. Anyway, they have agreed to test DPs sperm and scan my womb & ovaries and today (day 2 of my cycle) I've had blood taken, which will be repeated on day 21.

I don't quite know why we went for help as DP can clearly get me pregnant. I feel I'm panicking due to my age but I don't know how to stop. I'm desperate for a child. Can anyone offer any advice? Folk kept telling me I would fall pregnant straight away after my miscarriage but it's been four months now since the ERPC and I'm losing hope.

[somewherebecomingrain]

goth no apologies - it's really hard, it's one of the hardest things there are, you are so brave to keep going with it. that's the great thing about this thread, everyone understands. there are big emotional adjustments every month, and ever so often even bigger ones, and eventually a huge definitive adjustment we all know it'll come one day, one way or the other. No apologies, look after yourself, be kind to yourself. I'm pleased to hear your tests were good xxx

cuckoogirl that is tough - people close to me have had those scans and they're very shocking. At 41 and recently pregnant things are not so bad for you technically, but emotionally much harder. Again be kind to yourself, the panic gets to all of us, so don't blame yourself. The DP sexual problem sounds like it is the emotions - I would say take a holiday, do something relaxing (that you could never do with a young child) but that is maybe easier said than done. Lots of inspiring stories on here though - you have every reason to hope and i hope your stay on here is short for all the right reasons.

irish and knicky lovely. knicky what a DTD story!

Still on that downward slope towards OV. am getting twinges all the time, abdominal cramps. have looked at babycenter's photographic guide to cervical mucus - wow i recognise each stage after 25 years of menstruating, but i never realised it was to do with ovulation. it's also a lovely set of photos - ikea should sell it as a set to hang on your wall.

hello everyone - hope you are all well.

[cuckoogirl]

Thank you for replying, somewhere - what do you mean when you say the womb & ovary scans 'are very shocking'??!

[Irishmammybread]

cuckoo, I totally understand that desperation for a baby,especially when you've lost a baby recently, it becomes almost all consuming.
After my miscarriage,though my DH wanted to try again and really wanted another baby he categorically didn't want to think about ovulation or timing, he felt it would take away all the romance and that he might not want to/be able to perform . I was checking my temp but he just preferred not to know or talk about it and I just tried to seduce him as often as possible and as close to ovulation day as I could! Ignorance is bliss, men are sensitive creatures !
Everyone is different but for us it helped when DH didn't feel under pressure.

[cuckoogirl]

Thank you Irishmammy, you are right, of course....talk of my fertility charts and cervical mucus have certainly not helped DPs state of mind since the MC. I now try to put him off the scent of ovulation by not talking about it but he now knows the exact date each month. He whiffs my seduction attempts from a mile away (despite my seducing him regularly at other times too). This month we are trying Viagra as this will rectify his erectile dysfunction worries and will boost his confidence at actually being able to ejaculate at the crucial times (hopefully). I totally sympathise with the pressure he is under but my private devastation when he can neither ejaculate on the day of ovulation nor the day before is palpable. I've even resorted to ordering a self-insemination kit online (from India!) as a Plan B in case his anxieties are too much on the day. However, DP is distictly unimpressed and claims it won't work anyway as sperm dies 'as soon as it hits fresh air'! Is this true? Surely not..

[blackcatsdancing]

i'm not sure how much (if any) truth there is in that old chestnut about being extra fertile after a MC. For every woman i've read on the MC threads who did get pregnant very quickly ive read as many women despairing on conception threads that they haven't- and made to feel worse because they see that peak fertile time dripping away .FWIW my ERPC was start of feb, no pregnancy since apart from a CP last month. (age 44 now)

[gothinrecovery]

blackcats - I know what you mean. I think I had got it into my head that I would get pregnant again more or less straight away and feel worse because I haven't for the reasons you say.

I probably had a MC at 4+4 in Oct - never tested though so won't ever be 100% sure but am fairly sure of it now I have had a confirmed pregnancy which ended in mc at 7 weeks end of May. So I am trying to tell myself I can get pg and need to wait for the right egg but it is hard. Didn't know about your CP - hope you are okay.

Hugs to Cuckoo, that must have been hard with the scan etc.

[hopefulgum]

Hello and welcome Cuckoo. I'm sorry that ttc has been such an ordeal for you, it really is difficult.

Like Irishmammmy I have had to be sneaky about ovulation too, my DH has no idea of my cycle.I keep it very quiet, so that when it is time for DTD he isn't put off. But my reasoning is a little different - my DH doesn't want to ttc, but if it happens, will be okay about a baby. I have heard of other women having the same issues,and also having their DH's use viagra - with success, so I hope that helps you.

As for the life of sperm, I know for a fact that sperm will survive for about 30 minutes if it is kept at body temperature. My DH had a vasectomy reversal (and we've got a 3 year old son as a result, me at age 41) and had to have a sperm sample analysed. He ejaculated, collected the sample in a specimen jar,and I placed it under my bra to keep it warm because I had to drive 20 minutes to the lab. He got a very good result, so I'm guessing the sperm survived well.

Goth it is perfectly normal to feel crap when AF shows. Especially as we're on an emotional rollercoaster of highs and lows. After AF we feel hopeful because ovulation is coming, we prepare mentally for that, shag as much as possible (despite what seems like the whole universe conspiring against the opportunity to have sex - illness, injury, children's needs, tiredness, over-work, etc,etc), then feel hopeful and notice symptoms, or feel hopeless one day and hopeful the next, then getting BFN's, but still hoping for a late BFP then AF finding us. It really is hard, and when you do it month after month, it can be quite disheartening.

I've been ttc since DS was ten months old - but had to wait another 8 months or so for my fertility to return. I've been pregnant three times since then, losing two of them at about 10 weeks, and one, more recently at about 5 weeks. I sometimes can't believe that I'd get back up and try again, with the odds against me, but I always feel there is a glimmer of hope, even if it is tiny, it's still there, and I truly believe that eventually, the right egg will come along - they won't all be totally useless.

It really does help to have supportive online friends (no one in RL really understands why on earth I'd try again at my age and when I already have 5 kids, but I just feel I have to have one more to complete my family). Even my doctor said that when my "case" was discussed at the practice the other doctors couldn't understand why I'd keep trying. I don't think doctors are all that compassionate. My doctor does seem to sympathise, but it does hurt to hear that the others in her practice think I'm loopy for wanting a baby.Most of my RL friends are loving that their children have grown up and are flying the coop- they talk about having loads of time to themselves and travel etc, but I just don't feel the same way.

Sorry about the long post(that's if you've managed to get to the end).Where there's life there's hope - I really believe that.

[hopefulgum]

Blackcats - sorry about your CP, I don't think I knew about that either.

[somewherebecomingrain]

blackcats didn't know about your CP so sorry big hugs.
cuckoogirl I meant the scan where there was no baby . big hugs to you and fingers crossed.
goth big hugs to you too and am rooting for you. good advice from gum.

[blackcatsdancing]

thanks everyone. it was awful but far rather it ended when it did at just under 5 weeks than further along after some bonding took place.

I didnt tell DP, he was devastated by my MMC in FEB and after initially wanting to try again he changed his mind and became very reluctant so i stopped discussing TTC at all with him and say nothing after fertile times. He said if i really wanted it to go for it but he didn't want to know. I couldn't tell him i was pregnant so early on, not sure what the plan was, can't see how easy it would be to keep it secret for the whole 3 months and then do i tell him on the day of the scan? or after? i think in my head i was going to tell him after a successful scan and then pay for a private one he could attend. ridiculous when i think about it. If the scan was another bad one how would i hide that?

DP said , apart from general worries about the cost of bringing up children that a big issue was the waiting, basically the stress of waiting to know if everything was going to be ok, DP suffers from depression and anxiety. Now i'm not even sure anymore what i'm going to do.

[blackcatsdancing]

cuckoogirl so sorry about your scan. I found out my baby had died at the 12 week scan. The only clue that all was not well was some tiny bleeding 2 days before the scan. so sorry you had such awful news.

[blackcatsdancing]

congrats irish hope its a sticky one for you!

[gothinrecovery]

Just dipping in here - probably won't be on over the weekend as got a ton of stuff to do in the house.

Gum/ somewhere just wanted to say thanks for the kind words, I did get right to the end! There is hope, of course there is. Sorry to hear about the unsupportive DH's.

AF seems to be easing off thank god so will pick myself up and get on with things. Got a holiday to look forward to in a few weeks which will be nice.