Still TTC #2.......age gap now too much?!?!!?

[Tw1nkle]

Hi,

I have a beautiful DD who will be 4 in November.
We've been TTC #2 for a few years now!
We've also had a MC last year :o(

I really want to keep trying, but every month it gets harder getting that BFN, and knowing that the 'would-be' age gap is getting bigger.

When do you finally say 'enough'?!?!?

Never.

Sorry for flippant post but I don't think it sounds like it is time to give up at all. I think your dd will be happy to get a sibling at whatever age.

Is there any other reason you think enough is enough. I have not been ttc for very long but I am finding it all consuming and have to keep reminding myself to continue having a life (I also have a dd but only 16 months).

Never for me too. 4 years between me and dsis and 6 between me and dbro.

I think my mum had a few mcs between me and dsis too, so similar circs to you, we got along just fine. My friend who has less than a year between her and her sister fight like cat and dog and now don't speak at all.

Horses for courses.

There are 10 years between dd1 and dd2. It 'only' took 2 years ttc to get dd2 though and 1 very very early mc. Mostly it was circumstances that gave us the big age gap. I still want another, dd2 is now 2 and a bit and I've recently had a mc at 12 weeks :( but dp doesn't want to try again, this is his 'enough' but it isn't mine yet.

Thanks for comments.
I think my DH would call it a day now, but I really want to keep trying.
I really want my DD to grow-up with a brother/sister. But if the age gap is too much, they won't really 'grow-up' together, if you see what I mean!?!?

Theres 5 years between me and my brother, and 14 years between me and my younger sister. We all love each other to bits and the age gap makes the bond stronger.

I always feel the more the age gap, the less likely you are to be compared to your sibling and it helps to discourage sibling rivalry and encourage more protective mature relationship with your brother/sisters.

Twinkle think about it this way, perhaps they won't grow up together in the literal sense, but imagine them 10 /20 years from now - they will be the closer as adults.

And you will be amazed at how protective and loving your 4 year old dd may feel towards the newborn.

Besides your own brother or sister is always nice, as parents my folks always enjoyed us all going on a family holiday, the bickering, the fighting but also funny christmases and when me and my brother stick up for each other against the world, its the best feeling in the world. It is nice to have a sibling, no matter the age gap.

But then that said, maybe you and DH should have a chat about how you feel about it?

There's 20 years between my mum and her youngest sister (youngest was very much a surprise). They are very close now and speak a lot more often than I speak to my sister with only a 2 year gap between us.

I do know what you mean though, as I often feel like I'm raising 2 'only' children, rather than them having the relationship I experienced with my brother and sister close in age to me.

Thank you redstrawberry, it's good to know that the age gap can mean better relationships between siblings.

There is 16months between me and my sister, but we don't really get on - and I was always compared to her!

I really do want to keep trying, and my DH is happy to do so too.

I think I just needed a little re-assurance that having an age-gap won't cause issues.

Jodidi - I know I will also feel that I'll be raising 2 'only' children, as you say.

But I do know that i'd rather do that, than just have the one. I just hopewe're luckily enough to be able to have another!

Eek I hope not - I wouldn't mind 4 years at all!

Currently TTC and there would be 13/14 years between DC1 and hoped for DC2!!

There's 8 years between me and my sister and we get on great. I loved having an older sister when younger and used to go and stay with her when she moved away, which was great. Now we're still close and talk a lot to compare stories about how nuts our parents are being.

Good luck with the TTC. I have 4 years between my two which was longer than I wanted and longer than most but once DS2 came along, it didn't matter a jot.

TBH I think the best reason to have a second child is always because YOU want a second child, not for the sake of your DC1. You can never guarantee that DC1 and DC2 will get on with each other, whether there is a small age gap or a larger one. I know siblings with small age gaps who don't get on (like you and your sister), siblings with large age gaps who do, and vice versa.

Best of luck with TTCing.