What are my options as a single lady?

[DefenceAgainstTheDarkArts]

Hi

I am in my 30s and I am single. I've decided to try for a baby because I can't envision a life without being a parent. I would like to start to try next August, hoping for a baby born May 2014.

I have no fertility problems that I know of. I have two key questions. Firstly, what is the best option in terms of getting pregnant (I have no male friends who would 'help out' ) and also I don't want the father to have any role in the child's life.

My options seem to be based around IVF but this is so expensive I am concerned about it totting up to ridiculous amounts of money if I need to try several times. Are there sperm banks I can access and use independently without needing medical treatment, which is obviously invasive as well as expensive.

My second question relates to the above in a way. I would like to try for a girl. I don't really care either way but in terms of the environment the child will be brought up in I feel it would be a better environment for a daughter than for a son. I know it isn't an exact science, but how can I improve my chances of having a girl when the time comes?

many thanks

Talk to your GP

You can buy semen from a sperm bank and "DIY" or you can go to a clinic and have them source the semen do it for you.
Tbh at your age if your only problem is a lack of willing partner and you have a normal regular cycle I would go the DIY route as I doubt the success rates would be much different to a couple trying naturally.

Firstly I'd say don't assume that falling pregnant will be easy. It can take up to a year for a couple with no issues to conceive.

I can't advise about sperm banks, etc as I don't know the answer.

There is very little you can do to guarantee a girl. There are methods out there that some people claim work, but the fact is there is very little you can do to influence the sex. If there was a way of doing it with guaranteed results everyone would already be doing it!

Good luck!

I think "sex selection" for IVF etc is illegal in this country unless there is a medical issue eg you have a hereditary condtion which would be passed on to girls but not boys or vv. people do go abroad to have it though.
Cheaper than IVF but not as good a chance would be IUI. You still need donor sperm though, obv.

Have a look at the Shettles Method for theories on conceiving male or female. But it's not an exact science.

As far as I am aware there is no such thing as anonymous sperm donation in the UK any more either.

Though I think that's more about the rights of the child to access information about the father, than about the rights of the father to access information about any potential offspring, which I suspect is more what the OP was worried about.

You could read about timing but to be honest, I think with the gender you need to make total peace with having either before you go for it as the methods are so unreliable as to be almost meaningless. You might be better spending your time thinking about what male roles models you could introduce to your baby's life if you do turn out to have a boy.

I'd definitely try DIY before IVF. You could maybe trying posting on the same sex parents forum, as there would prob be quite a few lesbian couples who'd have been through similar.

DIY route = one night stands am I right?

No, turkey baster

But the child's right to trace the father puts a lot of men off donating.
When I was at uni many years ago the fertility unit at the hospital would pay £15 a shot. I can't imagine nearly as many students do that these days given that they may have a call one day!

This was a story line in The Archers on Radio 4 about 2 years ago. She went to a private sperm bank. How true it is I don't know to be honest however if that was the route I was going to go down then I would go to a sperm bank rather than a one night stand.

With a sperm bank you know that they will have been screened for any genetic issues etc. With a one night stand, who knows.

Yikes no, not one night stand! I was talking about DIY insemination! Ons to get pregnant is just wrong! Not fair on the bloke, very risky for mum!

So do you buy the sperm from a bank and then diy? Am jyst curious really!

You could consider donating some of your eggs in return for sperm. You'll need to discuss with a fertility clinic as I dont know how it would work.

Depending on how far into your 30s you are I don't think you can donate eggs. Also, personally, as someone who's been TTC for 5 years with a partner and initially no problems getting pregnant (just problems keeping pregnancies), and now finding myself with a dwindling egg reserve and still no child, I would advise against egg donation in your 30s unless you already have your family sorted.

There are various websites for finding men who are prepared to do the male bit, where they will specify the amount of contact they would want with a resulting child, though there are obvious risks associated with this approach.

Friends of mine who have been in this situation have also looked at going to other european countries where donated sperm is more available.

I know two women who have become pregnant through buying sperm from America. They got to choose the donor from extensive histories, and i think even photographs, provided by the company who arranged it. There was an advantage over English donors which had something to do with anonymity, but i can't remember the details.
They were both treated at a clinic. They were given clomid to promote egg production, and then inseminated when scans showed that ovulation was taking place. They both got pregnant first time, which was pretty amazing.
Good luck!