Career and trying for second baby/what do you plan/what did you do?

[crazyhead]

Just interested really.

Am 35 (36 later this year) and currently on mat leave with baby number one - would love a second LO. Initially I thought I'd try as soon as I went back to work in November, now I feel I need to wait until next summer to try in order to get career back on track - quite a responsible job with lots of politics and I need the job for the money.

I conceived my first immediately - very, very lucky, but I'm (anxiously!) aware of my age and feel well aware next time could be harder - but what if it is quick again?

How long did you wait on returning to work or what do you plan?

Hi crazy
I've got 2 kids with less than 2 yr age gap (unplanned) - went back to work in the June and got preg in the August. I found that it worked well as people didn't tend to take you seriously when you are first back (especially if part time) so you may as well get both mat leaves done then go back 'properly' after the second and pick up your career again.
Note that's only experience from my line of work, I would think that for things like teaching etc you can stop and start with much less effect.

Interesting creamtea! I kind of wondered about that. At heart I sort of think sod it, I want two kids, and I've left it late enough that I need to be ruthless...

Anyway, you can't control everything and heaven knows you can't control conception...

I'd say have your children when it suits you and no-one else. Unless there is a very obvious detrimental effect on your career of a particular interval and you care an awful lot about that potential impact , then the whole business of having children is too uncertain and personal to be factoring in work priorities. It might take a while to coceive anyway, and the (already high) risk of miscarriage increases with age.

My age gap between DCs 1 & 2 was 2 years 3 months, so I was back at work for 1 year 4 months between them, and part-time too. It was fine in my line of work.

I kind of feel your pain! We've just started ttc#1 and I've begun a job recently too. I'm 35 and don't want to wait any longer. I'm terrified of the reAction I might get but at the same time I have no clue how quickly we might conceive. I keep reminding myself that I want kids no matter what, and that is more important than a career. Just go for it!!

I put both maternity leaves on the same employer and worked in a cushy pt job that frankly did not have much career progression. Did not care that I shot my career to pieces.

Then after my ds was 3, I left that job and went back ft to a much more interesting career with progression. I was starting somewhat from the bottom but already have had one promotion and after 2.5 years I am now moving to a new job with more money!

Very useful! I should say that I have a fab job, but I do wonder whether I'll want the stress of it once I have two kids.... but I could do with a few years to think of a plan B, and perhaps to work out freelance options, and also for OH to earn a bit more. So what you say about sodding the progression and restarting it later does have its merits, blueshoes - and the miscarriage likelihood plays on my mind too, declutterbug.

The specific timegap issue is that there will be a change of management next autumn, and it'd be mega useful for me to have a few months of getting to know them....What I might do is to set an earliest possible 'start trying again without it being a nightmare if it happens' date and just go for it.

I feel for you, mumbaidiamond. I got together with my OH when I was over 33 (though we'd know each other for ever) and we've been quite ruthless since -moving in quickly, currently trying to buy whilst on mat leave, he passed final professional exams pretty much as I was giving birth! I just need to continue on the ruthless track and I think that you are right to as well even despite the awkward factor ;)

The thing is that pregnancy does go on and on and I suppose you have to think, in five years' time, what would I tell the former me to do? I've got plenty of friends who got together with partners at the stage I did but then got new jobs/wanted to travel or to plan the perfect wedding, and are now looking at IVF having started to TTC late 30s/40s. All of those things are fine to delay TTC for but you have to realise it is a big trade off at our biologically advanced ages :(

See, at one stage when we were ttc I applied for promotion... I was offered the interview, found out I was pg, did the interview, had a m/c, was offered the job, took the job and then became pregnant again just a few months later.

It did not harm my career. Work were really good about it. I went back to an even better pt job after that maternity leave. Maybe I was lucky, but when I had the m/c I knew one thing I was glad of was that I hadn't put applying for promotion on hold to ttc, and I was in my 20s.

Good luck, whatever you decide .

We have just started ttc no 2 and dd is two today! I've been back at work for just over a year . We've left it a little longer than originally planned for two reasons 1) dd only recently started sleeping and we've been more exhausted than we ever imagined possible 2) massive change of management and restructure at work made me nervous - I am the higher earner and dh has been freelancing so job security really mattered.

Anyhow he now has a new permanent job, i feel ive made an impression on my new boss and dd is much better so we're back In the game!

I'm 34 and dd turned up pretty quickly so hoping to be as lucky again this time round!

When ds was born I was working full time as a paralegal and doing the LPC part time. I went back to work ( new job, bigger better firm) when he was eight months. I then worked at that firm for a year before starting my training contract at another firm. I got pregnant twice during my tc but lost them both, and became pregnant with dd six months after I qualified. I wish I hadn't lost those babies but the age gap and the timings I ended up with have been ideal.