When is the right time?

[CantRunButTries]

DP and I are both 28 and have been together for 2 fantastic years. We're both in good enough careers and planning our futures together. In the happy little ideal in my head I want us to be married, with the house and the garden and the decent local schools before we have a DS or DD but the proposal will be this year (is ANYONE ever caught unaware by a proposal anymore?!!) and so the wedding probably 2014 and before you know it we're looking at starting trying when I'm 31. The women in my family all had their babies by their 30's. DP and I want children but with happily married friends having babies, friends and their DPs having babies I'm having a furrowed brow about "Are we doing the right thing by waiting?"
I personally feel like early 30's is still really young- We love our current treat of the adults only holiday resorts, spontaneous nights out and my god, no red or blue cheese for the whole of pregnancy and bf-ing is, for MASSIVE!!! So, post rant, here's my point! How old were you when you had your first? Would you do it differently in an ideal world and is my Enid Blighton style mind's eye ideal actually as important as I think in the great grand scheme of things?
Thank you!

Just do it. Seriously. I was 32 when I got married and was as happy and ready as I could be - it felt like the perfect time and everything coming together.

I felt exactly the same way as you and wanted to be married first of all. In a way, I still think I was right about that as being married has given us both absolute security and made us really close in a way I hadn't expected - I thought we were there already before we got married, but it has made a difference.

However, three years later, I'm 35, having fertility problems and have 'tired' eggs. My husband is older and time feels tight for us. I know that I was fertile at 28 and 30 because I had tests. I still believe I'll have a baby but I feel pretty sure that I would have been able to have a baby much more easily five years ago than I am now.

Good luck! Be happy - the order of happy things doesn't matter.

31 when I conceived dd (first baby) 32 when I had her.

I am glad we had fun in our twenties and left it till we were over 30 to ttc. I did have the same worries that you do re leaving ttc till I was a bit older.

How is your health in general, mine was pretty good, regular periods and no health issues. When I was 27 I did some opks for a few months to check I was ovulating (or the hormones were doing the right thing).

So basically I think you will probably be ok to wait if your health is ok, obviously there are no guarantees.

Oh forgot to say I don't think it matters at all if you are married or not.

Go for it now, not to sound all 'voice of doom' but you've got no idea if either of you will have fertility problems & it would be better to find out sooner rather than later.
You've got no idea what is around the corner & you may put it off for X, Y & Z.

If you're dead set on getting married before having kids, you could always go for a small wedding & then have a massive party later (renew vows/christening/naming cermony etc)?

I'm 24 & DH is 35 & we've just had our first. DH is finding it hard (being all old & a relic) and he says there is no way in heck he (thinks) he could do this much later. If I could have the same baby again I would prefer to do it earlier (we're ttc#2 atm) just because we've always wanted more than one, but at the same time DH doesn't want to be a old dad to a baby (so we've got a ttc deadline).

Wow. I don't think that I have ever considered a fertility test. I'm so worried or rather distracted by everything else and I have spent so long ensuring that we did not get pregnant that I forgot to appreciate that practice does not always guarantee a result DP and I are both currently in pretty good nick fortunately. I've got an implant (my second) and went on the pill at 17 so I have absolutely no idea how my hormones and body will naturally settle when I remove the hormone based contraception.

The whole wedding thing is not about the world's biggest party for us. It's about the commitment to each other which I would like us to have made before inviting a little one to join us.

...fertility tests... That's going to be my next google then!

Lol it's really subjective, I'd personally prefer to get married first as I think having a child is a life commitment, gone will be the wedding of your dreams, you won't want to spend the money on it ( or have any left!) plus your honeymoon is your last Holliday of a lifetime where you can enjoy it drinking dtd and having fun, itl never be the same after a child and I dont know if your like me but a beach hol is a must and so not not on the cards with a baby, I was married at 27 and had dd at 32, I would have had her earlier in hindsight after my career was sorted at 29 but I've had alot of fun and great times til then, in the scheme of things a year isn't long and planning a wedding occupies you for a long time, you can always come of the contraception a few months before your wedding and have a honeymoon baby :)

P.s Lisa I'm sure it will happen soon, my sis was married at 28 got pg first month she tried, now 30 first time again, me on the other hand took a year and a half first time then second before I'd even started my af again!
All my friends were married at 30 and some took a few months others a year but in the end we all got there, the only one who has had fertility problems had had them since she was 26 anyway, it is just chance and you may get first time maybe not but I think on a program I watched with 20 women they said in the first month 3 would be pg, in 3 months 6 more but by 2 years 19 out of 20 would be, I know that feels ages when your waiting ( it did for me too but now dd is here it seems like I've has her forever! X

I had my first at 34 and second at 36, after getting married at 32.

We did quite a bit of traveling as well as our careers settling a little around 30ish

I'd recommend later (early 30s) as I did - and I once heard that women who had their first at 34 were (statistically) the most likely to be happy with their life choices (if that's any help ) Don't be overly influenced by most of your family having theirs before 30 I's say ...

I just think there's so much more you can do and it's all that much easier before DCs than after. With them I find it's best to settle down to appreciating family life as much as possible. But perhaps as they reach their teens I may begin to widen my horizons again ...

I think it's great that you can say of your relationship that you've had "two fantastic years" with your DP. That's the best foundation for bringing a child into the world to join you

Good luck !

I'm still trying for my first. I started trying after we got married, when I was 34. I'm now 36 and about to start IVF. I would have liked to have started trying two or three years earlier, but my now husband wasn't ready.

I don't get why a proposal this year would mean you couldn't get married until 2014. We got engaged in January, married in August. We found plenty of availability earlier in the summer but chose late summer to fit in with work commitments. My BiL and SiL got engaged at Xmas, married at Easter. We each had the usual flowers, dress, suits, nice picturesque venue, etc. If you feel like you want to wait until you are married but are otherwise ready, just get organising as soon as you are engaged. We didn't linger in part because of ttc. Once we had both decided to go for it (it being marriage and babies), we wanted to get on with it!

Yes, good point eurochick - OP you could start thinking about getting married next year, then you can start ttc when you feel ready after that We started planning in February and got married in August (though nice romantic proposal was previous autumn ) I think a lot of men take some convincing that they're ready to settle down BTW

Good luck to eurochick too

Everyone is different and you should do what feels right for you. If that is a big wedding and honeymoon then you do That. I met my DH when I was 30, married at 31 then DS at 32. Got pg within 3 Months of wedding. Although now trying for dc 2 has taken nearly a year because of miscarriages but hopefully this one will be ok. Most of the women I met on mat leave we're in their early to mid 30s and quite a few having first nearing 40. It def makes things easier if you feel happy, settled and is the right time for you. If all you are worried about is potential difficulties with fertility then have some tests done and if all ok then relax and enjoy next few carefree adult fun years.

If I had my time again I would never have waited as long as I have. We waited until the time was right. It's been a year now and nothing.
That said two friends of mine who have had babies recently either got pregnant right away or when they weren't even really trying.

It took me a year to get pregnant-we got married at 25, started trying at 26, got pregnant at 27 and had DD at 28. I didn't expect it to take so long and I'm glad we started trying when we did.