After a miscarriage - get back on the TTC horse or wait?

[Mintie190]

Hi, I'm coming to the end of a natural miscarriage. It happened at 9+3 and the scan showed an empty sac with only a tiny bit of development. The miscarriage has been physically and emotionally draining. My DH thinks that the best thing to do is for me to fall pregnant again asap and while that is what I want, I don't want to jeopardise my chance of carrying to full term by falling pregnant when my body can't handle it.

The consultant said something about waiting 2 cycles before TTC but he was pretty old fashioned and everything else I have read says there is no reason to wait. My GP said to get on with things if that's what I wanted. However, I also keep reading about people having 2 miscarriages in a row.

I have a DD who turned 1 last week and it was only after falling pregnant that I felt normal for the first time since her birth. I guess that had something to do with the hormones. I'm scared my body isn't ready for another pregnancy.

Any thoughts on when is the best time to conceive post-miscarriage?

Hi mintie- sorry you're going through this. I'm just finishing a natural mc- I was 7+4. I think the only way I'm coping is by focusing on getting pg soon, DF is concerned that if it doesn't happen straight away I'll be crushed and that I haven't properly grieved.

Like you, I've read different advice. Most common seems to be wait until next period though gp says this just for dating purposes. I don't think cOncievng straight away increases chance of mc.

Good luck to you x

Thanks wishfulthinking1. It sucks, doesn't it!! I hope you are feeling OK now the physical stuff is out of the way. I was so thrilled to fall pregnant. It was perfect timing. Now I just feel empty. I just don't know how I will cope if it takes ages to conceive. I guess the only thing to do is to get started (once I've completed mine) and hope for the best. Here's hoping we get our BFP in the next few months.

I had a miscarriage in June 2005 and then had DS1 in July 2006. I threw myself into ttc straight away and got pregnant 4 months after the miscarriage. I then had DS2 in 2008, DS3 in 2011 and then fell unexpectedly pregnant later in 2011 when DS3 was 9 months old. I miscarried in December 2011 at 13 weeks and haven't been ttc since then although I would like to at some point so I've done ttc straight away and waited.

Physically everything should be fine to ttc straight away as long as there were no complications but emotionally I wish I'd taken more time to grieve before ttc again. I really struggled with the disappointment when my period came each month and I ended up with PND because I had such high expectations of everything being fine and perfect after DS1. You might feel differently though, especially as you already have a DD.

Ladies so sorry to hear about your mcs. Hearing your stories reminded me of mine - it won't help now but you absolutely will get over this.

I mc in jan at 5/6 weeks post ivf. I was just devastated. I had to have an erpc op and was advised to wait post op bleed plus one period for things to get back to normal. I've ended up waiting longer (emotional reasons and had some tests) and am having FET this month. Initially I wanted to try again straight away but had to wait, which has suited me burning can understand the want to try again straight away.

Whatever you do, be nice to yourselves and allow yourself to believe that it will happen.

Lots of luck to you all. x

Sorry reading that back 'you'll get over this' sounds a bit harsh - what i mean is that this pain fades and you can and will allow yourself to feel positive again.

Also 'burning' in penultimate para should say 'but'

Pocket1 - I know what you mean. I know I will get over it but TBH, I reckon that will only be when I see a baby live and kicking on a scan or better still in my arms. I'm the wrong side of 35 and although I have a DD and didn't take that long to conceive this time around, I'm scared that it was just luck (bad luck as it turned out as I MC'ed!) and that I won't get another BFP. So, I guess my post is really about asking for validation for getting cracking on TTC asap. I just don't want to face a 2nd MC. I don't think I could handle it so soon.

And sorry Pocket1, I just ignored the fact that you MC after IVF. That must have been really, really tough. I do know of one friend who did the same and she now has a bouncing baby girl through IVF. I really hope that you have a happy ending with your next round.

And elliejjtiny, I am someone who wants everything to be perfect. And this pregnancy had it progressed would have been so perfect in terms of timing with work and space between my DD - it was exactly the best scenario that could have happened. I'm more concerned about my mental state for another pregnancy than PND. I find the first 12 weeks of pregnancy so hard. I'm neurotic and go to the toilet very 5 mins, inspecting the toilet paper for any signs of blood. I'm less concerned about PND but more about how I'll be during the pregnancy.

I felt exactly the same when I had a mmc in sept 2011 at 8.5 weeks and it took me 3 cycles to get pg again. I remember saying to my DH at the 11 week scan appt in feb this year that I would not be able to cope if we had the same news again. Unfortunately we did and I was utterly devastated. I also had some complications after the second one which meant this is the first cycle I have been ale to to again. Just found out today I am pg again.

Mc is just awful and you do need time to grief and come to terms with things. I think as the weeks go by you will either start to feel that you need a bit of a break from the whole conception rollercoaster or you will want to start trying again. I always just wanted to try again and felt that quite strongly but everyone is different. I have not heard anyone say (medical professionals included and I have seen a few) that there is any medical reason you cannot try again straight away.

Look after yourself and take things easy. It is heartbreaking but time will make you find it easier to deal with and hopefully bring you that BFP when you are ready.

What a rollercoaster you've been on mylittlemonkey! Must have been so hard on you and your DH (but mainly on you!!). On the plus side, you seem very fertile so there's at least some small consolation for all the grief and stress you have been through. Congratulations on getting your BFP. I'm sure you'll see a bouncing bean at your first scan.

The only thing keeping me going is the thought of the jubilation (and then terror) of getting a BFP.

Mintie just do what's right for you. If you want a break or don't want a break, if it feels right ,it is right. Btw you're much younger than me and although it does get trickier, it certainly not impossible. So keep on trucking and you will get there. Allow yourself to believe that it will happen. And if it's taking too long, get your gp to investigate. Best of luck to you my love.

Thank you Pocket1. Your message made me feel happy.

mintie they are horrid aren't they. I have experienced too many for my liking also mc a couple of weeks later than pocket after IVF.
Everyone is very different and reacts differently. Do what feels right for you and other half. Try to get mentally and physically ready, hopefully you will only suffer this loss once. Most early mc are thought to be due to chromosome problems just happen nothing to do with you and other half.

The evidence is that if you conceive within six months of a mc you are more likely to carry to term. So physically your body is good and prepared but do not underestimate the effects on head and heart.

Good luck baby dust you will get there