Should I tell DH we're ttc?

[RancerDoo]

Not as bad as it sounds, I promise...

DH and I have two gorgeous girls. Dd1 was conceived with relative ease. Dd2 took 18 months to conceive, complete with temping, wee sticks, a mucus obsession, 2 confirmed ectopics, 1 salpingectomy, 1 HSG, 1 hysteroscopy, 1 CP and more tears than I ever thought I had.

So, we agreed a year or so ago we would just have sex and see what happens.
Obviously I have some inside info re ovulation and try to engineer things my way. With the best laid plans then spoiled when DH goes out for a beer and rolls home after 7 of them. Cue narkiness from me, and confusion from DH who has no idea why I care so much about having sex that day.

Neither of us really wants to go the crazy obsessive ttc route again but I worry that if we don't focus I'll end up too old to conceive before we know it. We're so amazingly lucky to have our girls, and so grateful, which makes me feel we would be pushing it to really actively ttc again. And then I long to hold and feed one more baby. But then there's always a chance that after 2 emcs my insides are too scrambled to conceive anyway.

So, any sage words for me? Should I tell DH I want to try for a final baby? Should I try to put a lid on my burgeoning obsession? Should i get better at secretly engineering ovulation related sex? WWYD?

Tell him. Lying about shit like that is one sure fire way to ruin a marriage.

Tell him

Is it lying? He has agreed he'd like another baby is it happened, and he is fine to be without contraception...

I'm not sure I really understand what is going on here. If you have agreed to have unprotected sechs in the hope that you might make a baby, then you are ttc. I guess the issue is that you are "trying harder" than he is?

If you are suggesting that you should give him mucus updates, etc, I would say steer away from that. Frankly if one of you can keep away from that kind of stress, so much the better.

But having a chat to remind him that you are trying and that rolling in drunk might not be the best thing for his swimmers or your sechs life could be sensible.

Me neither in some ways. I'd like him to be a little more committed to the cause, which he is only going to do if I explain my new found sense of urgency. However, I don't want ttc to become the great sucker-of-all-joy that it was last time.
How people manage to stay relaxed about something that is, at it's most basic, a timing issue I do not know.

It seems a bit odd to be upset with him for spoiling your plans, when you didn't tell him about said plans. No it's not lying, but surely you'd be better off just telling him than getting annoyed/confused with each other because you're not communicating.

You're right Ephiny... In fact it seems a little bonkers (precisely what I'd like to avoid).

Well for over our first year of ttc I didn't share all my ov pains/positive pee sticks and the like with Mr euro. I tried to keep some fun in our sechs life rather than having it become all about timing (now we are in the realms of assisted ttc, we are told when to have swi by our consultant, so that is long gone).

He knew generally that his services would be required regularly in the week following my period though and that was enough for him to make himself available then.

I'd tell him, probably. We've been trying for DC2 for a long time and at first I tried not to harass DH about the right time and all that, and forever felt disappointed when the timing wasn't good and I felt we hadn't made the most of it that month.

Now I am doing wee sticks, temping etc. I tend to let him know when the relevant time period is approaching ('brace yourself') and when I have my ov test line ('I've got the line, brace yourself') and then I usually tell him when it's the last week in my cycle as I get quite down then.

I'd like to just have more regular sex, but we are often knackered and it doesn't happen, so I feel like he needs some information, and he seems to appreciate that over the fury and the tears for no apparent reason. Tbh, though, we ain't had a lot of spontaneity in our sex life for years, so the scheduling works pretty well for us anyway. Hope you find a middle way.