How far to go with tests etc? And when do you conceed defeat - long sorry

[wannaBe1974]

Some may recognize me from the TTC threads, but for those who don't...

I'm 32, have a DS who is 3, and me and DH have been TTC for baby number 2 since May of last year. It took us 13 months to conceive DS, had reached the point of going for tests when I got pg. Very eratic cycles last time, cycle anything between 26/30 days, but after I'd had DS my cycle was back to clockwork again.

For first 6 months of TTC my cycle was 28 days every month, and then they gradually have got longer over the past three months. 30 days the first month, 32 days last month (very simptomatic last month and did 3 pg tests but all BFN and then AF showed), and now I'm on day 30 but had spotting on day 28, again very simptomatic, sore boobs especially and very tired, have done a test again but BFN. Am waiting for this Af to show now .

So, in my heart I know that something must be wrong, I know that in the grand scheme of things that 9 months isn't that long, but the reality is that eratic cycles and the fact it took so long with DS does indicate that there must be a problem. Have appointment with GP on Tuesday to hopefully get to the bottom of what might be up, but was wondering if anyone could give me any personal experience. I've had some very good advice from some on here about what blood tests to ask for etc, but I was wondering how far should one go really, and how much is really achieveable if you're not prepared to go to the ultimate limits.

I'm not sure that I would want to go as far as having IVF treatment. For a start it's very expensive, I know couples who have been through it with no end result, and emotionally it has taken a great toll on their relationship, and while I think that for some couples IVF is a wonderful breakthrough, I really don't think that I could go through it. So is it really worth having tests if I'm not prepared to have the treatment? I know IVF isn't the only solution but generally are there other treatments out there before having to resort to IVF? Does knowing what's wrong help to bring any closure? And how do you come to terms with the fact that you won't have another baby?

I know that I'm very lucky to already have one DS, and my heart goes out to anyone who has no children and no prospect of having children, but the urge to have another baby is very strong right now, I'm not sure how I will deal with it if it comes to light that I can't have any more.

i am 25 and dh is 41, we have been ttc for just over 2 years now, i have one dd who is 5 and i ttc with her dad when she was 6 months with no luckso in affect i have been trying for about 4 years, to start with i didnt go for tests because i thought it was just not the right time when i met my dh we decided it was time for tests as he would love kids of his own, we had blood tests and seman tests and all was normal, now almost a year on i am having different tests and have been referred to the fertility clinic, it has been a complete rollercoaster for us and i become unbearable when af arrives, i even told dh to divorce me because i was useless and couldnt give him children, but our gp has been brilliant she has made me feel so much more positive and less obsessive about ttc

I know how you feel - I am on CD31 now and have done 3 tests all -ve. I have been TTC since Jan, but had 2 MC last year so it actually feels like a year now that we've been TTC. It's such a waiting game isn't it? I do symapthise - will email again when I'm at home and can do so in peace.

Wannabe,

First off I take my hat off to you for writing such a thoughtful post.

I have had a long (and painful due to endometriosis - I finally know that now) history of irregular periods. BTW irregular periods are often caused by hormonal imbalances which can be treated. My irregular periods was due to a condition called polycystic ovarian syndrome (which is something that does not go away).

I was referred by my GP to the subfertility unit where tests on both of us were subsequently carried out over the following months.

It may come to pass that you will not need IVF at all - it is certainly not a catch all or treatment for all subfertility problems and the diagnosis you get may not be immediately indicative of needing IVF. My own diagnoses were not immediate indicators of needing IVF - infact PCOS patients who undergo IVF usually only do so only after all other treatment avenues have failed.

In my own experience it helped me knowing what was wrong fertility wise. I have gone on to use my experiences subsequently to talk to others about subfertility.

I have not gone onto have any more children - my body is too knackered through gynae surgery and I was told after giving birth I would need further surgery in order to conceive again. We are very fortunate therefore as a couple that we have a child at all.

You need a diagnosis first and foremost and I would suggest you start there.

www.infertilitynetwork.com is a good UK based charity that you may want to speak with as they can also provide support.

I wish you the very best of luck with your GP appointment, do keep us posted.