Has anyone had counselling for Secondary Infertility

[dizzymummy]

I have secondary infertility and sometimes I think I'm ok with it but sometimes it really gets me down and just wondered how anyone else is coping with it and whether anyone has seen a counsellor and if so did it help??

thanks

Hi, Is secondary infertility when you are having difficulty conceiving a second child? If so then I am in exactly the same boat. I am currently seeing a consultant and have had one set of blood tests which show I am not ovulating and now waiting to be tested on day 3 of my next two cycles. It gets me down sometimes and then other times I manage to tell myself I am lucky I've got one child and we will be okay as a unit of 3. I haven't seen a counsellor but I certainly think I might need to if it turns out I have premature ovarian failure at 37, which is the worst case scenario

flustered, can I ask how you've been diagnosed with premature ovarian failute. My FSH levels have been high (at highest was 14). this month was 12.2 which is still higher than would like. I am 37 also and apparently it is a sign of decreasing ovarian reserve. I have been ttc for 2nd child since 34 so not sure whether to blame it totally on low fsh. doctors don't seem to be too concerned with fsh levels...i do still ovulate every month but in doctors words 'my ovaries are having to work a little harder each month'

ps. dizzymummy I know how you feel also, I have been trying for nearly 4 years (m/c during that time). I have secondary infertility which basically means unexplained even though have a child already. It is hard especially when I take my son to school and see all the other mums pushing the prams while dropping older child off...that was my plan to have a 2nd just as 1st starting school. I know that it effects 1 in 6 people? but when I look at all the mums who are pregant or just had a baby makes me think its only me. I do get down about it sometime but I try really hard to be positive. I do feel thankful to have a little boy already but a new baby would be for him as well as me. he would love a little brother or sister.

My dh and I had primary infertility and will almost certainly have secondary infertility when we start trying again (we were due to start IVF in 1 month when I found out I was pregnant naturally with our dd)

I had acupuncture when we were trying for a baby the first time round. Part of each session was taken up with talking about my feelings about infertility. I have always found it incredibly helpful - there are things that I found I couldn't say to my dh for fear of hurting his feelings. I also blamed myself a lot of the time and needed someone to talk this through with. I needed time and space to cry, rage, despair, hope and dream.

I would definitely recommend counselling as a means of helping you cope with the strains and disappointments of infertility. You can find a local counsellor either through your GP, or through the British Association of Counsellors website (BAC).

Good luck

well i have a ds who came 11 years after my dd because of secondary infertility.I would have loved to have counselling but always felt I shouldn't moan because there were so many others who couldn't have one child!

ggirl - I know exactly what you mean. Our dd is our miracle baby - we had been told there was really no chance of us ever conceiving naturally. I am starting to feel guilty already about wanting another baby so badly when I know how lucky we are to have dd.

Hi dizzy,

With reference to Littlefish's third paragraph re counsellors you may find this organisation helpful:-

www.infertilitynetworkuk.com

They are an amalgamation of CHILD and ISSUE (two infertility support groups).

my ds came naturally out of the blue.

I think we're so lucky to have him but also I do feel a twinge of disappointment for all those years when we could have had two children or more if my bloody body had been working normally.

I also hated when people commented about us only having one child as if we had a chice about it.Got so sick of explaining.

By the way dd who is now 14 says she loved being an only child for all those years

Hi Meerkatsunite - thanks for the website. I think I'll be needing it myself!

I have contacted these people in the past (when they were CHILD) and have found them to be helpful. Hope it helps you now.

I am subfertile myself and we became parents only after a long series of tests on both of us and ovarian diathermy surgery on myself.

Thanks littlefish & Meercatsunite (great name btw) for the links am going to have a look.

I know what you mean Dizzy36 - Sometimes I feel a bit empty when I drop my dd to school and see everyone with babies

I know I'm v lucky to have dd and can't imagine what it would be like not to have her

What really gets me though is when people tell me I really should have another as it's selfish to have only one agggh!!

Most of the time I'm ok - I think I'm a little hormonal at the moment but don't think I've really accepted yet that I can't have anymore!

Thanks again

Also meant to say really hope that's not the case Flustered my fingers are crossed for you

Dizzy I haven't been diagnosed as yet, I am still having tests. Do you have high LH as well as FSH? At last test my LH was 10.7 and FSH 12.5. Can I ask how you know you are ovulating every month? Dr and Consultant seem to think I am not and when I did an ovulation test, I didn't get a result. I just spent two hours at a birthday party with my 3 year old. I was the only Mother there without a baby or bump in tow and the conversation was dominated by baby talk. However lucky you feel to have one, it doesn't stop the yearning for a second. ggirl it's comforting to hear your daughter loved being an only child. Like you, I don't like it when people comment "Is she your only child". Even my Mother makes comments that we are spoiling her. It's hard not to.

hi flustered. I was referred to fertility clinic last April and I was told in August (when I decided to try IUI treatment) that my fsh at the at time was 14.5! last month it was 12.2 so come down (been doing accupuncture, taking evening primrose oil and drinking lots of water which is all supposed to help). all my other hormones were apparently fine.

I have been told that a high fsh together with a high (or could be low) oestrogen level can be a sign of perimenopause i.e the approx 10 year period before acutally reach menopause). wasn't aware that lh related to low ovarian reserve only the act of ovulation.

I know easier said than done and when I was first told about the high fsh and what it 'could' mean I was devastated but try not to worry until you have had the tests and have the full picture. They can't do anything about high fsh (12.5 isn't significantly high anyway) but there is treatment to help you ovulate.

I haven't discussed my 'infertility' or treatment with anyone, not even family, in fact when they ask!! I tell them am not even trying. saves all the questions each month....are you or aren't you?
I always wanted more than one child and because my 1st happened so quickly I thought 2nd would be same. Kids are off school now for a week and to be honest I feel a little releived that I dont have to stand in the playground after school surrounded by prams.

Hi Dizzy,
I know exactly how you feel. I went through IVF with my first child, but it was unsuccessful. It left in a real state emotionally so DH and I decided we wouldn't try it again, then I conceived naturally after 7 years of trying. Thanks for telling me your story. I did ask my Dr for the worst case scenario, as a sort of protection mechanism, so perhaps I am being a bit negative. How did you find IUI?

Hi Dizzy,
I just read Bubbly's IUI thread, so I can see you are in the middle of a cycle at present. I don't think I could go through any assisted conception treatments again. If I can't conceive naturally then that will be it. You are very brave to keep trying, and you deserve success. Best of luck.

hi flustered. Have to admit I wouldn't like to try ivf....far more intrusive than iui and a lot more expensive and stressful.

After tests showed that there was nothing physically wrong with me or my dh, drs suggested iui. basically take hormone injections from day 2 of cycle and then ovulation is triggered. you are then artificially inseminated. I found it very straightforward although I have two failed attempts and hoping that this has worked. The success rates are not as high as with ivf but only costs around £650.

I always said that if it didn't happen naturally then I would accept that. The route I have gone down with iui didnt take a lot of planning. They offered it, I waited a few months then thought sod it I'll give it a go. If this one doesn't work then I will try again.

thank you for the good wishes flustered. Can I ask how old you are. I am 38 in a couple of months and have probably only got a couple of years left to have another child. If I didn't do what I think is my best to try and conceive then I know I would regret it in the future. I have one child also and at least that shows that we can conceive naturally.

Hi Dizzy,

I turned 37 in December, like you I think I only have a couple of years to conceive, as I don't think I'd have much chance after 40. One of the things that will put me off having assisted conception is that last time, I got in such a state, I wouldn't want my 3 year old to suffer, while I turn into an emotional wreck. No, if I can't conceive naturally, if there is nothing else they can offer me, I will have to come to terms with the fact that my daughter will be an only child. I admire you for coping so well with IUI, and really hope it is successful for you.

thank you flustered

My best to you to. We are lucky to have the children we have already. I firmly beleive that if another child is meant to be then it will happen be it naturally or with help.

Keep positive and it will happen. Sorry if this is a daft question but do you follow the Fertility Awareness Method. I feel really silly but I didn't even know about 'cervical mucus' until about a year ago when I read Toni Weschlers book (Taking Charge of your Fertility). I also have a book by Zita West regarding lifestyle changes. I know it all sounds a bit extreme but things like drinking 2 litres of water a day and taking evening primrose can lower fsh and increase cm....seems so simple no harm in trying it...my dh thinks I'm off my head!

p.s I also think that these little things I do to hopefully help me conceive also help me to stay positive about the whole thing because its something to focus on. I know that sometimes mind can be consumed by ttc (have had those days) and for me thats not healthy because just get stressed and emotional which can have a negative effect.

I don't think I would seek counselling personally but I do know people who have and have found it very helpful.

Hi Dizzy and Flustered. There's also a really good book called "Natural Solutions to Infertility" by Dr Marilyn Glenville. My DH and I followed it and got pregnant naturally. We stopped all alcohol, caffeine, red meat, cow dairy, took vitamin supplements, drank loads of water, both had acupuncture and had an entirely organic diet. It does sound quite extreme, but we will definitely go back to following it completely again when we decide to try and conceive again. We still only eat organic food, my dh has only 1 cup of coffee a day (I don't like coffee anyway!) and we still have acupuncture, so it wouldn't involve such huge lifestyle changes this time.

For me, it was about taking control. I hated the feeling that we were waiting for medical things to be "done" to us. Even if we had ended up having IVF, I knew that our bodies would be in the best possible state to make and keep a baby.

Of course, there's no evidence that making all these changes made us get pregnant - it could have just been giving it enough time, but something worked!

hi littlefish. Can I ask if you were having trouble ttc, is that why you decided on the lifestyle change.

Although my husband doesn't I have changed my lifestle particularly since new year. Acupuncture for last 4 months, drink only herbal teas, as much organic as possible, lots of water, regular excercise, no caffeine or fizzy drinks....god! it does sound extreme when I write it down.

I've spent a fortune on reading material already and it sounds very similar to zita wests book. I might check out the book you mention..thanks

Hi dizzy, yes we tried for 2 and a half years before I got pregnant. Initially, I wasn't ovulating (hormone tests showed this), then we found out that my dh had a very very very low sperm count. We were due to start ICSI/IVF in the April and I found out in the February that I was pregnant.

It really is worth you both looking at your lifestyle. In the Marilyn Glenville book it says that it takes 3 months to make healthy sperm and that one big night out can wipe out all your hard work! My dh took a lot of convincing, but eventually gave up drinking for 6 months, at the end of which we found out I was pregnant. Has your dh had his sperm tested?

yes he has and his sperm count was normal. We've conceived naturally twice in the past so he doesn't think its necessary to change his lifestyle. I've always been into a healthy lifestyle and if your not used to it it is hard to get into. He does eat healthily though. I think our delay in ttc is down to both our fertility but more mine because of my age. I think men take a more laid back attitude because they are fertile for a lot longer than us. I respect his views on lifestyle (most of the time!) and I don't want ttc to affect our relationship so we are just going to keep trying and hope it happens soon.