OLDER MUMS

[Merlin]

Hi there. In a bit of a dilemma - have ds 3yrs, thinking about another one, but will be 42 next October and worried about potential problems being an older mum. Anyone out there had a baby at this age (or older), please reassure me all will be OK!!!

Merlin,
Try the mothers35plus site.

Merlin - My Mum had my brothers at 37 and 40. They are both perfectly fine. Her pregnancies were straightforward apart from her BP being slightly high toward the end. But then that happened to me with ds and I was only 23!

They are now perfectly healthy (but cheeky!!) 14 and 12 yr old boys.

Merlin, I had my 4th 4 days before my 42nd birthday - 4th caesarian too - recovery from the CS was just as fast as the others.

I am less energetic than I was before but the only thing that bothers me now is being older than some of his friends' grandmas.

M2T, I'm the same age as your mum!

M2T, do you think your brothers mind having older parents? Is it something they ever comment on? Interested as an older mum myself.

Mog, my DSs don't (they are 15 and 10, I am 52).

Suedonim had her last child at 42 - it certainly doesn't sound like she's had any probs. I think basically if you can biologically conceive a child there are few other probs related to age except chromosomal issues such as Down syndrome. Other than that, yes there are small rises in risk of comparatively rare conditions such as placenta praevia (which i had at 37) but most probs are due to age related conditions unrelated to pregnancy - eg obesity, diabetes, hypertension. If you are fit and healthy you should have no more probs than a woman ten years younger. If it's what you want, go for it.

Mog - No I don't think it's ever really bothered them. My Dad is 55. It's just normal to them and they do enjoy having adult sisters coz they can stay overnight at our houses!

lol Janh.

thanks everyone for the reassurance, checked out the older mums website too which is helpful, although slightly put off by a recipe for roast placenta!!!? Anyway, I do consider myself reasonably fit and healthy and everyone says I don't act or look like my age so it's just the medical side of things that worries me - as you say we'll just go for it and see what happens!!!

Good luck Merlin! Get onto the Trying to Conceive thread.... it's a bloody fertile one!!

Merlin, a really wise and fab regular Mumsnetter (and I cannot remember if she has ever gone public with her age so I'll not name names ) had her second child at around your age and puts me to shame for the energy and zest she expends on her two. I had my third baby at 40 this summer and can agree with the others here - it was a healthy pregnancy and the only preoccupation of the medical team was the increased risk of chromosomal disorders e.g. Downs, which may be an issue for you, it wasn't for me. Admittedly the previous summer I lost a baby, but as far as we could tell this was just a horrid tragedy and NOT age-related. There were loads of mums at least my age and more at antenatal and on the ward.
It may be more a second child than an older mum thing, but I feel heaps more relaxed this time round and our dd is much more settled than ds was. If you get cracking now there will be quite a nice age gap. Ds is 4 and therefore a) at school for part of the day enjoying himself and leaving the coast clear for us two and b) able to understand how special having a new baby is and why it cries/poohs at awkward moments

Yes, I'm with Marina - second child at 40 this summer. And there are others out there - Blu for one.

Did someone say my name?? Yes, that's right Aloha, I did't have any age-related problems, although suffered overwhelming sickness and tireness. But I also had it in my first pg 21 yrs previously!

As well as older mums here, there are lots of 'celeb' older mums. Patricia Hodge the actress, had her first baby at 45, I believe, Jerry Hall was in her 40's, Cherie Blair, of course; Juliet Stephenson and Emma Thomson, all off the top of my head.

If it's what you want, go for it, Merlin!

Merlin, I'm sure I'm the most ancient Mum on MN, having had my first at 43 (42 when I conceived). I can honestly say that my age has simply not been a factor, had a brilliant pregnancy, birth was complicated by DS being OP, nothing at all to do with age, and the obstetrician commented that few people would still be pushing effectively after 28 hrs of labour, and by rights it should have been a CS. I am aware that until my mid-thirties I used to stay up all night for fun, and I am no longer capable of doing that and wonder if the lack-of-sleep tiredness is increased...but that's partly due to the fact that once you're a parent you can't spend Saturday and Sunday asleep.

40 is the new 30: Go for it, why on earth not? And get rid of all that rubbish that gets bandied about it being 'unnnatural': if you can conceive, it's natural!Good luck!

My sister had a baby at 42. She had a straightforward pregnancy and both she and babe were fine.

Blu - I'm VERY impressed by you having your first at 42 - there's hope for me yet. Just get XMas out of the way (I will need a few drinks to survive THE FAMILYE!) and then we'll get cracking!!!

I had my second baby at 43 (she's now 8 months old). I have a long term illness called Scleroderma so had lots of extra check ups and scans. Apart from worries connected directly with the illness itself and medication there were no problems at all. I did seem to get more tired during the pregnancy but I have got an 8 year old autistic boy to look after and I was working, even if only part-time. I did feel self conscious when I first told people and I do often refer to my age when talking to people in a jokey way. I've got a friend who had twins at 47 and she's fine.

I have my first baby when I was 36 and my second when I was 42, and I agree with Marina's, a gap in age can be really helpful.

Both my pregnances were routine, I got pregnant without huge probs and did not feel noticeably more tired with a newborn the second time round.

I think you have too look at your life as a whole. It's not just age related of course. With a second baby you have to balance the demands of two children. Your job situation may have changed too. For instance during my first pregnancy, I was freelancing and had lots of days off. I had no child to look after so I could sleep whenever I wanted. Second time I had a 5 year old child and worked about 50 hours a week. Of course I felt more tired -I had less time to recover and rest. But even so, even being 5 years older, I really did not feel all that different.

If you are in good health and really want another baby go for it!
*

PS thanks - you know what for and who you are

Had my second at 40 but as first was old enough to have left home, still only had one to look after! I think having 2 or more to look after would be tiring in itself, more than how old you are. I had normal pregnancy, normal delivery.
Wow, Dvros, your friend had twins at 47! Now that does make me feel tired!

Thanks Merlin...and thanks for starting the thread - it's GREAT to know that lots of us are still at it, especially in the light of the endless impertinent media commentary. I have NEVER encountered anything that made me feel a freak amongst friends, and the hospital and mw's were totally cool. None of the 1st time Mums in our ante-natal group were under 35, and several were 40.

Apparently, Madonna, age 45 is quite keen to have another. WE always forget about Leo Blair arriving when Cherie was 45, too.

If you want any reassurances on this subject try reading a book called "Birth begins at 40" by Corinne Sweet. It really is encouraging and will make you feel like a spring chicken!

I was 41 when dd (10 months) was born and my mother was 39 when I was born, so I can comment on this from two perspectives. As a mother - I had no problems in pregnancy and no significant problems since. DD is a joy and I feel so grateful to have got in under the wire. I do get very tired, but then most new parents do.

As a daughter - I always thought my mother was the NORMAL age for being a mother and that other children's mothers were ridiculously young. But that's how a child's mind works. I think I benefited from my mother's maturity and from the fact that she had a lot of experiences to share with me. The only downside is that your children may have to cope with a parent's dying, or being in need of a lot of support, when they are also dealing with their own children, and may feel a bit squeezed at both ends. I sometimes feel like this. There is also some sadness to knowing that my mother won't see dd grow to adulthood (though they get on wonderfully now).

I used to have a boyfriend who was born when his mother was 48. He had two older brothers, one a year older and the other two years older. So his mother had had her first baby at 45 and by the age of 48 had three children under 3. She always seemed fit and well when I knew her, if a little knackered. I take my hat off to her

We haven't heard from sarah46 yet - Merlin, she is 46 and has 16-month-old triplets!!! (Do a search on her name and you will read some of her experiences)