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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

How do you feel happiness for pregnant friends when you're so jealous...

22 replies

Maccapaccawacca · 18/04/2012 09:27

Myself and my 2 closest friends all have little boys. All TTC (me for 6 months, the other 2 have only just decided to try)...one told me she's preg yesterday and then the other one today.
I'm really struggling.
They are my closest friends, I want so desperately to be happy but i'm just sat here sobbing and feeling so jealous and irrational. I know loads of people have been trying much longer than me. I know I already have a son, i know I am lucky compared to most on here.
I just dread the next time we meet, I know they will be excited and be trying to reign it in a bit cos i'm there.
Oh i'm just being pathetic. SLAP.

OP posts:

Original poster

Maccapaccawacca · 18/04/2012 09:31

And apart from my DH I can't even confide in anyone cos i'm obviously sworn to secrecy
moan moan

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Happilymarried155 · 18/04/2012 09:33

The way you are feeling is totally normal, I have been ttc our first child for just over a year, in that time numerous friends have gotten pregnant and given birth and we still haven't conceived :( everytime I hear of a birth/pregnancy I allow myself half an hour of crying and irrational self pitying behaviour and then I pull myself together and carry on, it's so hard but it will be your turn again at some point! Nothing anyone can say will make you feel better but you are not alone! X

MrsTittleMouse · 18/04/2012 09:35

You don't have to feel happiness, but you do have to be nice to your friends and not take it out on them. If you want to come on here afterwards and moan to let off steam then that's fine.

I did an awful lot of smiling and nodding, smiling and nodding, and then I would go home and sob.

Original poster

Maccapaccawacca · 18/04/2012 09:39

I even managed to pass off a few crafty tears yesterday as tears of joy. Of course I am nice to them,I am pleased, just consumed by irrational jealousy. They had such(comparitively) easy times with their DS's, whereas mine has had numerous, ongoing health problems. They don't struggle with money. blah blah, i'm just moaning and feeling sorry for myself but it feels better to type it out!

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ChairOfTheBored · 18/04/2012 09:47

I understand completely. Mercifully not too many pregnancies at the moment here, but an awful lot of very cute babies.

I love the babies, because I love their parents, and really like that I get photos in the post and whatnot. I cope fine with the photos of the babies on their own - it's just a picture of someone I know and like after all - but the ones of them as a family, with the joy on the faces of the parents kill a little part of me every time. I try not to be a bad person but their happiness in something that I want so desperately and seem not to be able to get (grumble grumble) is just so tough sometimes.

keepthechangeyoufilthyanimal · 18/04/2012 09:47

It is normal to feel this way and I don't have any advice - but please keep in mind you have only been TTC for 6 months! That is a very short period of time!
I am into my 3rd year of TTC our 1st and I still don't consider that majorly long term.

Original poster

Maccapaccawacca · 18/04/2012 09:49

keepthechangeI know, i know, i'm sorry, i know others much worse than me.

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h0tcrossmum · 18/04/2012 09:53

Think of the cheeky positives macca, theyre pregnant now and hopefully you catch on in the next couple of months and then you'll have an abundance of extra maternity clothes and or baby clothes/bits that they'll be keen to pass on!!

McPopcornMouseNFries · 18/04/2012 10:14

6 months really isn't very long - it's not about others being worse off than you, just that you're still in the "normal" conception period and have absolutely no reason to worry yet. It will happen when it happens, and the stress isn't going to help at this stage - though I know all this is easier said than done

keepthechangeyoufilthyanimal · 18/04/2012 10:56

No need to apologise Macca, Like McPopcorn says, its not a 'whos been TTC the longest' contest , Its just try not to worry as you are still in a normal period of TTC, It's hard I know especially when people closest to you seem to get pregnant at the drop of a hat but just try not to let it stress you out too much at this stage.

HaveALittleFaithBaby · 18/04/2012 11:43

I find ranting on MN quite therapeutic! We've been ttc for quite a long time. Initially we kept it quiet, but tbh I found confiding in very select people helpful. Not people who keep asking Any news? Grr but people who understand. I confided in a work colleague when she was about 5 months gone. She's been a great support and I've been able to be happy for her. I even enjoy spending time with her and her boy now and I'll be honest, I struggle with some people. It may be worth confiding in some people - chose wisely!
I know it's hard when it takes longer than you hope - believe me - and seeking support - here or in RL is the only way I'm getting through it!

BirdyBedtime · 18/04/2012 11:49

I do feel for you macca - it took me 1.5 years to conceive DS after getting pregnant virtually instantly with DD and I found that hard to deal with, particularly when friends whose DCs were the same age as DD began to get pregnant.

BUT remember that your friends will be feeling awkward about telling you and so everyone is uncomfortable. My sister and BF had both been TTC for several years when I became pregnant with DD - I found it so difficult to tell them and while by sister is a wonderful aunt who loves my DCs as if they were her own I still sometimes feel guilty, and TBH the friendship with my once BF has never been as strong as it was pre-children.

So try to see it from both sides - if they are good friends you might even want to confide that you are finding it difficult - I'd have appreciated that rather than just bottling it all up and leaving things unsaid. I hope you don't have to wait too much longer for no2.

Original poster

Maccapaccawacca · 18/04/2012 13:26

Thank you all. I got a grip went to a toddler group this morning and, as fate would have it, sat next to a woman who confided in me she had been though a similar thing - without me even saying anything. Was great therapy to moan discuss these things with a stranger who understood.

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mrsmellow · 18/04/2012 16:12

I'm struggling with this too at the moment - TTC no. 1 - only 9 months in ( I say only, but it feels like an eternity! ) and I have the most fertile friends in the world - very resentful . But it is all self-pity and there are so many worse off, but somehow, instead of making me feel better, that actually makes me feel worse...
going to find some and (we so need a chocolate smiley?!)
I bet you get pregnant before me (not that it's a competition!)

EthelredOnAGoodDay · 18/04/2012 16:42

It's really hard. I share your pain! just need to try very hard to put on a positive front. Practice this sort of smile !

Original poster

Maccapaccawacca · 18/04/2012 19:49

I feel like we ought to put some money on it mrsmellow

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dontcarehow · 19/04/2012 08:25

I'm 2 years in and now I just think, do I want to be a jealous seething wreck of a person, or am I better than that? you can't let jealousy take over, that's the route to depression and sadness, and also alienating your friends who you need more than ever at this vulnerable time. Just let it all wash over you with a smile, then rant on here if you need to. There's very little you can do about it so just let things happen.

iloveberries · 19/04/2012 11:53

i get over it by thinking that they are having their baby, not my baby. So whilst I want to be pg i don't want their baby, i want my own. I still find it upsetting not to be pregnant but i find that it takes care of the jealous bit and allows me to be happy for my friends.

i had my DS with 5 other ladies who have all now had DC 2 (or due this spring) whereas I have been TTC a year and am not pregnant and now a tube down following an ectopic in march.... sigh.

EthelredOnAGoodDay · 19/04/2012 13:44

Very similar to you berries in that all 3 of my NCT pals have had DC2 now, plus close friend and best friend are both pg. In meantime I have been TTC for 10 months with a MMC added in for good measure.
Our time will come though and as you say, we want our own babies, and not anyone elses.

Sticklebricksuk · 19/04/2012 14:15

I've only been ttc our first for about 5 months, which I know is not a long time, but my two best friends have small DCs who they concieved very quickly, in the first couple of months trying. They are both about to start trying for their second DC each and I have to admit I'm a bit worried about how I'll deal with it if they fall before me. berries I like your tactic - you're very right, I don't want their kids, I want my own, so I'm going to try and adopt that tactic if you don't mind! Obviously I'll be over the moon for them, and I adore spending time with their DCs, I'm just slightly worried about how I'll handle it if they have two each, and I'm still trying for our much wanted number 1. hotcrossmum they've both kept all their baba stuff for when "AuntyStickles" has one, so I'll look at that as a positive too!!!

Mopswerver · 19/04/2012 14:23

I really feel for those who are trying to conceive their first child. It must be so difficult because society revolves around them at a certain stage in your life.
Maccapaccawacca I urge you to count your blessings. You have a lovely son. There will always be people with more in life but someone once told me "Glance down once in a while, not up". There are so many people in this world with so little. I know it's all relative and it sounds as though you are surrounded by Yummy mummies....perhaps its time to widen your circle of friends?

Spookey80 · 19/04/2012 14:40

I remember when I my best friend told me she was pregnant, I was in another country so it was over the phone. When I came off the phone I cried because I was so jealous. I felt like such a bad person.
It doesn't mean though that I wasn't of course happy for her, it just means your human.
As long as you don't let them know that you feel like this and are able to keep you're feelings in check, these are just normal feelings. It will get easier and I'm sure it will be you're turn again soon.
I'm sure you do, but cherish you're ds.

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