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Conception

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Original poster

getting back in the saddle after m/c

11 replies

jamiesam · 07/02/2006 21:55

Sorry to do this again, but I need a little more support.

Many of you have given me support since my m/c in December. I am sincerely grateful for that, and I do find it much easier now.

But I am now afraid to start ttc again as I am worried that it's just going to happen again. I am 38 so I'm concerned that the reason for m/c might well be aged eggs that just aren't up to the job. Even dh has asked why I'm not all over him like a rash (well perhaps not quite those words, but you know what I mean?) When I was ttc last year, I was taking my temp and working out when I might be ov and bd pretty much every day for middle two weeks of my cycle. Now, I just don't want to try at all and although I've told dh that I want to wait one more cycle, I fear that I'll not want to try then either.

Yet I so much wanted this third baby, I've waited so long to start trying and I'm so sad that this might be it, no more babies.

OP posts:

Nbg · 07/02/2006 21:59

It doesn't mean it's the end.

I don't know what words to say just wanted to reply

Lots and lots of luck to you.

pepperpots · 07/02/2006 22:06

jamiesam so to hear of your m/c hun. Sometimes we all feel like giving up but i personally found great support from others going through the same thing please feel free to join our thread ttc after m/c your m/c is still raw give yourself time to heal, it does get easier believe me massive (((((((((hugs))))))))) to you xx

Original poster

jamiesam · 07/02/2006 22:18

Thanks chaps

I don't know what I want you to say either, but thanks nbg.

pepperpots - everybody on ttc after m/c seems to know each others inside leg measurement, I feel like I'm crashing a private party.

Am going to bed with my big red puffy eyes (god I'm attractive when I cry!) Fortunately dh away this week so no bd/not bd dilemma tonight.

OP posts:

pepperpots · 07/02/2006 22:22

Its true we know each other really well but im am a relative newbie and have been made to feel very welcome and im sure you will be made to feel the same the girls will let you cry and moan and will be there to make you smile when you feel that there is nothing to ever smile about again. Give us a chance xx

Nbg · 07/02/2006 22:22

I think pepperpots said what I was trying to get out.

From reading your post, your sadness seems so new and it will take some time to get over.

Just crash the ttc thread. I've heard so many mnetters saying how much support they get on them threads.

Hope you get a good nights sleep

rubles · 08/02/2006 07:59

Jamiesam I was wondering where you were on the other thread.

I think the thing with m/c is that for most (and this includes you and I, I think) it is a completely random, unfair event and it is almost impossible for us to get our heads around its randomness. We have to try and find a reason for it when there may be none. We also, many of us, also think that it has some significance about our fertility when in fact there isn't any. The fact is that it can strike any of us completely unawares in any of our pregnancies and there is nothing we can do to prevent it.

So what I am thinking is that you may not have any factual basis in thinking that it is your aged eggs, but that is your mind trying to find reasons and explanations for this unfortunate, sad, random event.

Maybe you are not quite emotionally ready yet? Could you not delay the whole ttc marathon for another month or two to give yourself a break and try and do upbeat fun things until then? It is not surprising that you don't relish the thought of getting back in the saddle again as ttc can be emotionally draining in itself let alone with a miscarriage behind you. So maybe instead of saying 'no more babies' say no babies at the moment.

Jen1209 · 08/02/2006 09:17

Hi Jamiesam,

I had a m/c at the beginning of November after 13 months of trying. It all seems so unfair and I found it so hard to get round the idea that it was completely random and nothing was my fault. I am still finding it difficult now to "get back in the saddle" I have been beating myself up with thoughts that I should have to be doing this and I should be x number of weeks but you really can't think like that. A lot of people have said that Positive thoughts get positive results and I know it sounds naff but you have to think like that.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss and I hope things get better for you soon.

I think Rubles is exactly right in what she has said. I haven't joined the ttc after a m/c thread but I am on the "fall for fall" if you want to come over there?

Sending hugs to you

J x

mygirllolipop · 08/02/2006 10:04

Message withdrawn

ceebs · 08/02/2006 11:11

Hi Jamiesam, so sorry to hear about your loss. I completly understand what you mean when you say you are afraid ttc. It happened to me and i had a bit of post natal depression after it . I didn't think that was poss considering i didn't go past 14 weeks.
What i'm really trying to say in my round about way is you have to have time to grieve the loss.It is a big deal and it's o.k to feel sad ,angry really pee'd off.But! make sure you chat to your Gp ,best mate etc as talking face to face helps too.
It really is the oldest cliche in the book but a little bit of time does help. It took me 6 months ttc again I now have a 5 month old.He was worth the wait as i needed that time to get over the loss of my first.
I wish so much for you .Most of all happiness.Try not to stress to much about ttc again another cliche i know but it'll happen when you're most relaxed.
Again just take the time to say goodbye you will know when your ready. Lot's of love and luck xx

FirstNikki · 08/02/2006 12:53

Hi Jamiesam

How you feeling today? Have you visited the miscarriage association website? Here's the link They say to try only when you are ready. I know you are worrying about your age but really your mc should have nothing to do with that and yes it does feel so unfair when it happens I tried to blame myself for mine but then realised after getting support there's nothing you can do. You will know when you are ready as you won't feel so sad about ttc. Be good to yourself and ease the pressure by grieving first.

I too visit the ttc after mc thread, at first I thought I was gate crashing but they are lovely ladies in the same boat and are very welcoming. If you want to and when you are ready give us a try. You can laugh, cry, rant whatever you like to get you through this time and the support is great. x

Lots of {{{hugs}}}

Original poster

jamiesam · 08/02/2006 21:45

oh flipping heck, I'm blubbing again from such lovely replies.

Rubles, you are very wise and so right when you say that I'm trying to find a reason where there isn't necessarily one - or at least not one that I can find out. I think I was concerned that I was running out of time but you're right, I need a bit more time to come to terms with what happened back in December.

Thanks also Jen and everybody else - I must get out more and visit some of the support threads (I do far too much lurking!)

OP posts:

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