Staying sane while TTC

[Sazzel]

How do you keep your relationship strong while TTC?

We've been trying for 18 months now with a miscarriage in the middle. It's really starting to take it's toll on us now.

This weekend I had a melt down, lots of tears and told OH I didn't want to have a baby with him or be married to him anymore. It was a horrible thing to say, he's a wonderful husband.

Stopping trying is not an option, so how do we keep going without damaging our marriage?

I don't have the answers, I'm afraid. I feel that ttc has affected me and him, but not "us", if you see what I mean. I do want to be pregnant so I can get back to being me. What the hell did I used to think about before my head was full of cycle days and test results?

Not sure how helpful this is but I was talking to a friend about pressure of ttc, this is only our first month ttc but due to medical reasons,if it doesn't happen soon,it probably won't due to treatment I'll need. My friend is a psychologist& advised that i take ten minutes each day to stress.I hav ten mind a day where I stress (often checking stuff on net or talking to do about it) but after that I have to leave it.if stuff comes into my head at other times (most often when trying to get to sleep) I just think 'no,I'll think about it in the time tomorrow' and force myself to occupy my mind with something else e.g. Housework or if I'm trying to sleep,just being in the moment&thinking about breathing,feel of pillow etc.I do think it helps.failing that, relate? I used their services once in a past relationship&found it incredibly helpful.x

Thanks both, I think i'll try limiting the time I spend thinking about TTC. I might need more than 10 minutes a day though :-)

I never imagined it would be so difficult. When we started TTC DH booked a hotel for the weekend to make it romantic, I warned him then that it might not happen straight away but he was convinced that he just had to look at me funny and it would happen. This is the one time I wish he had been right!

Aw sazzel it's hard isn't it. We've been at it for 16 months and it's a bummer of a situation because you don't know when or if it will end. Sometimes, usually when my period comes I get very despondent about ttc but usually I start thinking about adoption/fostering as I want a resolution to the situation we're in. Except that isn't a magic answer either. So I know how you feel about wanting it all to stop. I'm with euro that this period has taken it's toll on me a lot and him to a quieter and more contained extent, it isn't having a toll on 'us'. But, Im lucky he's endlessly patient, as I have had a few snotty meltdowns low spells with this. What has helped me, although I know it's not for everyone, is really thinking hard about what happens of pregnancy doesn't. We sat down one sunny afternoon and made plans about what we would do, in terms of treatment and beyond that. And do you know, it isn't the life I had imagined but it felt real and doable and not endlessly sad. Sad - but a different life that centred on us. And maybe bringing children into our lives and maybe not. I won't ever forget that chat and it really helped me to know we were on the same page.

Other things I do to help keep sane include:

Planning lots of nice things that I couldn't do easily with a newborn baby. Things as a couple, things with friends and things for me. Cooking nice things/meals and days out/cinema/theatre and so on. If there a couple of nice things each month then I can focus on those.

Yoga. I go to a lovely restful class once a week and practice at home everyday for 20-30 minutes. And mediation CDs. Very very helpful. They soothe me nicely, even if I don't feel like it. Check out Stin Hansen online, lovely stuff.

Acupuncture. Pricey but it helps me a lot with anxiety and to talk to her. It's like counselling too really. And who knows, maybe it helps with hormones too.

Reading. Internet and fertility books are not my friend. They worry me and depress me. Throwing myself into reading fiction again after a lapse has been a very good thing to come out of ttc. Goodreads has been the Internet find of the decade for me. And pinterest. So when my googling is unhelpfully spiralling me into barreness I make myself read instead.

MN the 10 months plus thread is lovely and people understand. It really helps.

I wish I could help more. But you aren't alone. Have a good chat with him and try to plan some good stuff. You will get there.

Same problem here. We've been trying for 20 months with no luck. Finally saw the consultant 3 months ago. After the tests they discovered a problem and my consultant casually told me that we wouldn't be able to conceive naturally. This was 2 weeks ago. Most of the time I seem ok but then I'll suddenly be side blinded by a thought and burst into tears. It's hard though when you know that wonderful husbands and partners are trying to deal with it in their own way.

I've tried meditation and acupuncture along the journey and it has been good. I also like Wiggy29's idea of setting aside time to think about it - I'm going to give it a go. The whole process feels very difficult as for us very few people know so I have to be 'normal' most of the time whilst lots of thoughts are whirling in my head. As a good friend and one of the very few who know the journey we're on said 'This too will pass'. I think she means that in time it will feel less raw. Hope so.

Sorry - I didn't mean to rant! Keep the lines of communication open with dh and plan good stuff so there's something to look forward to. And allow yourself time to be sad - it's when we bottle up that we say irration/inappropriate stuff at the wrong time and in the wrong way!

Take care.