Should we start trying for number 2?

[Shakyfoundations]

Hi everyone

I know we have to make the decision ourselves, but I would appreciate some input. I am coming 38, DD is 18 months, I work full time and DH is a SAHD. I really really want another, DH is in agreement but would be equally happy with one. Unfortunately there are more cons than pros and I'm wondering should i be sensible and stick at 1 but my heart says have another. It could be hormones though, I have been like this since DD was very young.

Cons.

-We are not struggling financially but money is tight since DH gave up work.
-I have to work as I am the higher earner however I would prefer to be at home but this is not an option so it may be even harder with two.
-DH is a fab father and is doing really well at home but may struggle with two- he may not though i thought he might struggle with 1 but he is super organised!

• There are whispers of a job in the field i love coming up for me at some point in the future. If I choose to wait to see if this materialises there's a chance I will miss the boat ttc wise however, I will always have to work so it would be better to be in a fulfilling role.
• We have a very small house which needs some work doing which we can't afford.
• It would be costly to take more than 6 months maternity leave as DH doesn't work but I would want to take at least 9.
• We found the early days with DD brilliant but exhausting and worry we don't have the energy for two!

Pros

• I really want another despite all of the above
• Company for DD

Has anyone any advice/ similar experiences?

I always find the pros/cons list a bit flawed as each point carries different amount of importance eg. your desire to have a LO could outweigh 100 cons...

Most of your cons are money related. I would be asking myself "how important is it to have material things" (honestly)?

I also know when I have planned things meticulously (wrt future jobs etc) they have almost invariably turned out differently from expected e.g. future "guaranteed" work doesn't happen, or suddenly something arriving out of the blue unexpectedly. So I know I would be a bit reluctant to plan big life events on future maybes.

I'm only on my first LO, but loads of people say the second is tiring but you just find ways of coping, so I wouldn't be too put-off with extra work load of a second.

Wow! I am in a very similar position to you in that I work full time while DH is a stay at home dad. We have a DD who is 2.6 and have been trying for DC2 for over a year with 2 mcs in that time.

I sometimes have similar worries such as how well DH will cope with 2 and although he wants another DC, he wouldn't be devastated if we didn't/couldn't. Sadly because of the mcs and the stress that is associated with early pregnancy (for us), he only wants to try once more, so this is my last shot.

I'm sure part of my desire for another child is hormonal - I'm 36 and I, like you, worry that time is starting to run out. I also want a sibling for DD as I really don't want her to be an only child. Plus after my mcs I just have a 'need' for a healthy child.

Like you, I wish I could stay at home more with DD and I only had 6 months mat leave because we needed my salary. If we have another, I hope to have 9 months off work!

If I do get pregnant now, DD will be over 3 by the time DC2 comes, so she will be at preschool, which will make it easier for DH. In fact since she was 2, she has been going to a playgroup 3 mornings a week, which helps DH and gives him more time to do a bit of freelance work and just have some time to himself. Maybe your DD could go to a similar group to take the pressure off your DH a bit (round here the child has to be 2 to go to such a group).

The way I look at it is that I will regret it if we don't try for another. We may not get there and if not, there are some pros to just having one child, but at the moment I can't help hoping we'll have another.

Good luck with your decision. Sounds to me like you want a DC2 - you can always work on your career afterwards, but you don't have the luxury of time to delay TTC really (sorry). I've sort of got a similar career dilemma, but have decided to move jobs after DC2 (hoping I get to have DC2!)

As most if your cons are money related could dh not try and find a job for the 9 months you plan to have as ml.

Seems a bit much to have both of you at home full time for 9 months ( my dh would drive me crazy)

Hi LeBFG You're right it is mostly financial,I worry we would start to struggle financially or being unable to meet unexpected expenses. Thanks for the advice.

Hi Generic, I'm so sorry to hear about your mc's I hope you get good news soon.
I swing between wanting to go for it and then deciding not to. DH says leave it to fate as it might not happen- it took a long time to conceive DD. I would like to take 9 months too, but even that goes too quick! I have been looking into playgroups too but it comes back to money again, the cost of living is just so high now. Good luck.

Thanks Fudgywudgy we could look at that, we probably would be under each others feet however the thought of trying to deal with my gorgeous but very spirited dd and a baby on my own is a bit daunting.

As you say, only you 2 can answer this, but can you juggle your finances and start saving up so if you conceive you have a 'rainy day' pot of gold? As you say, it took a while with DD, so it might take longer now, so isn't it worth having a go and if you don't conceive within say 9mths, you give up trying?
Good luck with whatever you decide.