Thinking about TTC - Bad reaction from Mum

[rquanborough]

My husband and I have recently discussed TTC our 1st child. I was always insistent that I didn't want children as I have lots of nieces & nephews and great nieces and I really struggle coping with them. However I know that lots of people say that you will feel better about your own children. I will admit to regularly feeling broody and wanting a child and I always said that if I fell pregnant accidentally that I would have the child and now I feel that I would like to have one.

I discussed with my Mum in the last couple of days that we were talking about TTC and she was very negative. My OH and I had a bad time last year and I walked out but we are now back together and things have never been better in our relationship. Mum's reaction was that a baby can't mend a marriage and was it a good idea at the moment but she has failed to see that it's about what we want as a couple.

I am 34 and my OH is 41 this year. If we are going to TTC I don't want to waste the best years of my life worrying about the what could happen. There is part of me that feels like saying lets go ahead and try, but I also know that this is something that we have to consider seriously. I have made an appointment to discuss this with the GP as I have a coil fitted and would need it removed as well as being overweight etc.

I just want to feel that I am not making a mistake about all this and that it should be a decision that my OH and I come to together and I am struggling with that way that my Mum made me feel.

I could really do with some advice on this one.

Your mum may be right, but it is your decision.

Your mum is probably just being over-cautious. You split up last year so she is probably worried it'll happen again.

But then, some mothers are weird when it comes to some things, especially, in my case, when things are not about them.

My mother said "why did you do that" when I told her I was engaged and "oh" followed by a quick subject when I told her I was pg with DD1

I wouldn't really take her opinion to heart tbh.

Good luck x

Is your partner going to be a good father regardless of you stating together?

What I take from your ok is that you had a tough time as a couple but are over the worst of it now. I think your Mum is right if you were having a baby to save the relationship but I don't think that's the case. I'd be more concerned about how you really feel about having a baby and if you think you'll manage? We're ttc and looking after our only Dnephew has given us confidence that whilst it's ruddy knackering hard work having kids, we can do it. Have you tried looking after just one niece/nephew? You don't generally get more than one at once!
Ultimately MN can't tell you if you're right! If you and your OH really want a baby together and you know you'll love a nuture your child, who is anyway else to question that?!

Don't get me wrong, I do understand why she is worried, but things are much better now. A lot of our problems were related to our housing situation and that we were both out of work. That is now better.

I believe that my OH will make a wonderful Father, he is so good with all of my nieces, nephews and great nieces. (I come from a very big family).

You and your husband are both adults!! It really does not matter what anyone else thinks or says, you do what's right for you.

Then that's all tgat matters - just remember your mums comments are to her little girl!

That is why I don't tell my mother anything.......!!!!
x

Oh we arent yet ready to start trying but my mother has already said how i will be so controlling and tough on the kid etc. Really motivational stuff right!?

When I read your first two paragraphs I thought you were a teenager.

You're 34, an adult, stop looking for approval from others!