Do you worry about a false BFN?

[strawberrybubblegum]

We've been ttc for a few months, and I don't drink during the 2ww but I do after AF arrives. But I've been worrying because I know that some people get BFN much later than you'd expect, and it sounds like you can get break-through bleeding that looks like a period: we've all heard those stories of women who don't realise they're pregnant until labour starts.

I've starting feeling really paranoid that when I finally manage to conceive, I won't realise and I'll damage the baby by drinking.

We had a friend round to dinner the other night, and after 2 glasses of wine I felt so scared that I had to go and POAS... so I disappeared for 10 mins without warning in the middle of dinner between courses . This was a week after AF came, and I'd already POAS 2 days earlier... as well as doing a couple of tests at the normal time.

I could just stop drinking completely, but I wanted to see if you ladies could talk some sense into me first! It would be nice to keep life as normal as possible while ttc, especially since it might take a while (I'm late 30s).

I guess my main question is: how heavy can break-through bleeding during pregnancy be - particularly at the time that you'd normally have your period? Enough to look like a period, and need towels?

And for pregnancy tests: they say they're 99% accurate on the day your period is due. What happens for the other 1%? Presumably most of them go BFP within a few days, don't they? Any idea whether some people just don't go BFP? Oh dear... even writing that down, I can see how irrational I'm being!

I have a pretty regular cycle (almost always 28 days, but occasionally a couple of days late if I've been stressed), and we were using barrier contraception before, so I'm not having the fluctuations people sometimes get coming off the pill.

I do know that it's OK to have a glass of wine while pregnant, and that some people drink quite a lot before they realise, and their baby is OK. But just because it's been OK for one person, doesn't mean it wouldn't harm the baby in some other case (i.e. mine)!

I'm torn between thinking I'm being irrational and silly, but then also feeling that it's daft to risk something so important just for the sake of a social evening.

You are being very irrational.

Generations of children were born before the advent of home pregnancy testing that works when your period is due. Sensible drinking before you find out you are pregnant is fine (getting bladdered on a regular basis may make you less likely to conceive)

No test can prove they will always be 100% accurate. Legally they can't put that. It's like when you buy a non-alcoholic drink and it states maximum alcohol content 0.05%.

When they say it works 99% when your period is due, that means at 14 days post ovulation. Some women have a shorter time gap between ovulation and period than 14 days. So they might test after 12 days, which would be too soon. A couple of days later they'd get a bfp if they were pregnant.

Implantation bleeding is the exception not the norm. Most people don't get it. I think you know when you've got your period to be honest!

In the nicest way, you need to get a bit more of a grip about this. ttc can be a long game and if you drive yourself crazy like this for a whole year it is not healthy, either for you or for your relationship. So long as you have quit smoking, don't drink in excess of sensible guidelines, don't do drugs and are taking folic acid, you can carry on with life as normal until you see two lines on a stick.

What KitKat said!

Thank you for the sensible words of advice!

I really should know when I've got my period, shouldn't I - but since I've never been pregnant, I don't know what that will feel like. Since starting the pre-conception vitamins, my periods have been much less painful - which is fantastic, but means I almost don't trust them... talk about turning a positive into a negative!

However, you're right - and I shall try to get a grip!

Seriously though, a couple of drinks may help you relax, but if you are getting so stressed about it, that wouldn't be exactly healthy either!

You may be in for the long haul, or you may see the elusive positive result next month. You can choose to put your life on hold, and focus on getting pregnant, giving up everything and ending up a neurotic nutter like me, or can balance everything on the risks it would pose.

The risk is so non-existent once you have got your period that you would be doing more harm to your next cycle by worrying/getting stressed than the actual odd glass of wine if you were preggers!

Hope that makes sense!

I'd also add to Kat's very wide words, that until a placenta has formed, the embryo is self sufficient and it is impossible for you to pass anything on through your bloodstream.

Of course I'm not advocating that you start mainlining vodka, but a couple of drinks at such an early stage (first 3-4 weeks) can't do any harm.

Stupid iPhone - wise words, not wide words

Thanks, Andie. Problem is, I'm already a neurotic nutter! Good point about the worrying causing more problems than a bit of wine. I might put alcohol completely on hold next month, and try to figure out whether that increases or decreases stress...

CaveMum - I've heard that, but I've also heard that weeks 5-6 are the most dangerous time for alcohol exposure... but I don't know whether that's 5-6 weeks after implantation (by which point I've had my LH surge as confirmation that I wasn't pregnant, and I'm back into the 2ww) or 5-6 weeks after the start of your last period (which would be just the problem time).

Talking about it helps - so thank you all for letting me rant!

I really do think that you are overthinking this. As someone else said, the embryo wouldn't take anything from you until the placenta is formed - it has a yolk sack to see it through the early days.

Argh - I'm really annoying myself!

I have re-read Kat's first post, and she's right: the risk is minimal, I'm being irrational. I'm going to stop. Now. Honestly...

ffs, does ttc always to drive otherwise reasonable people insane?!

At 5-6 weeks from your last period you would almost certainly know that you were pregnant, assuming a regular cycle and testing at the appropriate time.

If you want to give up boozing that won't do you any harm. But moderate drinking is fine when you are ttc. Just avoid getting ratarsed. Stick to a couple of glasses of wine with your dinner a couple of times a week. I expect if it wasn't for alcohol, there would be a good many children who would never have been born!

Yes, TTC does always drive otherwise reasonable people insane! I have stopped buying pg tests because I just wee randomly on them at times when I know they can't possibly give an accurate result - I can't help myself. Then I question whether it's negative because it's not worked, or negative because I'm not pg. Complete foolishness.

When you say you don't know what it feels like to be pg - it may not feel any different until later on. I've been pg twice and both times it was a surprise to me - we'd been trying, but I'd had no special symptoms those months. It was only weeks 5-6 that I started to get tired and nauseous (and I never got nauseous with the first pg at all). The waiting is hard, and the lifestyle questions but, as others say, it's not going to make a lot of difference at the level you're drinking and you'll know soon enough if you are pg.

We had a nice thread a while ago about ways to manage the stress of TTCing - as Katandkit said, if you're in for the long haul you need to try to find a way to cope with it or it just makes you a wreck and puts a real strain on everything.