Struggling to cope..

[applepieinthesky]

Apart from two months when we weren?t actively trying we have been ttc for a year nearly. I keep thinking if I got pregnant when we first started trying I would have my baby by now and it seems so far off..

I came off the depo injection over two years ago and periods returned to normal within 6 months so for 18 months now we have used no protection and absolutely nothing is happening.

Not been to doctors yet as OH has said up to now we just need to be patient, relax and it will happen, blah blah blah.

Having children is hugely important to me and I have always had a deep fear that it?s not going to happen but now it is starting to take over my life.

I cannot imagine how people cope with this for years on end. I am in tears about it on an almost daily basis now and I need to pull myself together.

Don?t know what I?m asking really, just had to vent or I?ll scream.

No need to reply btw

I would get to the doctors if I were you - at least then you will be doing something proactive. There could be any number of really simple and solvable reasons you have not conceived.

Just wanted to send sympathies. We're ttc no2 and only 2nd cycle (though 3rd month thanks to v weird cycle) but it's already making me obsess!

Personally I'd talk to your DP and say it's important to you that you get checked out to make sure it's all ok. You could end up resenting it if you keep just trying and find out a year a year down the line that there was a correctable problem.

Presume you've tried OPKs or perhaps the CBFM which might at least give you a feeling of control about the whole thing? I know it does for me.

It's such an incredibly difficult time and I really don't think men feel it in the same way.

Wish you the very best of luck. Keep posting.

I agree that a doctors visit might be a good idea so you feel like you are being proactive and it will hopefully set your mind at rest that all is well.

I feel for you and I understand how you are feeling. I have been trying for a while too and I have the same fears as you of it never happening. For healthy couples I think I am right in saying that it can take on average up to two years to conceive so please don't give up hope.

I don't have much advice on the staying sane front because it has eluded me too but I used to try to think of each non pregnant month as another month ticked off and another step closer to the BFP. That helped a bit for a while. I also joined the Trying to Conceive 10+ months thread on here which is full of lovely ladies in the same boat who understand. They have been a great support and give good advice.

Good luck!

Oh apple I'm so sorry to hear all of this. Honestly you could nearly be me.
I think you need to have a chat with your oh to establish whether you are both looking at it in the same way. He might not (as my husband didn't) understand my "need", he just thought we were having fun and if it happened, it happened. You have been trying long enough to go to the Dr's, it could be a simple thing that they can easily sort, but they will need to do tests on the both of you.
I think it's important that you tell Dr about depo, because I feel that it has caused problems for me (although they haven't admitted it yet).
I'm currently seeing specialists so I understand how you feel and that " relax and it will happen" is the worst thing to be told. but , looking at it how you are, and how I did too, doesn't help at all. I was told I needed to lose weight so that is something I have focused on, and it has made things easier. I still have bad days (especially when yet another friend announces she's pregnant) but what I'm trying to say is: yes it is your dream, but you have to love whilst you are waiting for it.

I'm sorry I've waffled on but do go to the drs as it will help you focus. Also if you want to talk, or just have a moan then pm me.
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I sympathise with everything you have said apple. we have been ttc for over five years now. last year we eventually became pregnant, only to go on and have a miscarriage at 8.5 weeks, last March. since then, however nothing. nhs tests came back as unexplained infertility. now undergoing private tests in london. it is a very difficult time, especially when we also think that we may have to resign ourselves to just being good godparents and uncle and aunt.
the ladies here are extremely supportive. the monthly disappointment of af is unbearable. hope you do go to your gp now, for a proper diagnosis. lots of hugs x

Hi Apples I feel like I could have written this post a few months ago. I've been ttc for about 16 months. I've always had an irrational fear that I wouldn't be able to have children. There is a family history of struggling to conceive and recurrent miscarriages which I think have caused my fears.
I've had some really low times since starting all of this so I can really sympathise. To be honest my absolutely lowest point so far has been when I reached the year mark. I became really depressed. We have been to the GP and got the ball rolling. I would urge you to start the process ASAP. We are still waiting for the results of one of my DH tests before being referred to a fertility specialist which could take up to 6 months! So as you can see we could easily be at the two year mark before getting anywhere.

Of course I'm very much hoping it happens soon and we won't need anymore help. But at least the process has been started in case we do.

Btw I'm in a fairly good place at the moment. I feel better about it all. I just know I'm going to be a mum one way or another. Try to keep positive. Make sure you make plenty of time to do stuff you enjoy. Share you feelings with friends or family if it helps. And don't forget you can let it all out on here as well.

It might be worth joining a long term thread as opposed to a bus. There is the ttc for more than 10 months, the brooking no arguments thread (it's all about positive thinking in there) and the BESHs (who have a a more cynical but very funny take on ttc)

Hope that BFP comes very soon for you

apple - I will echo the advice to go to the doctors. If you have been trying for over a year with no hint of success, they should (according to NICE guidelines) refer you both for basic tests to check for a problem.

I wish DH and I had chosen to go. Instead, we waited and then I managed to get pregnant last year but it was a blighted ovum. Because we had 'got pregnant' (despite it being entirely non-viable) we now don't qualify for any tests on the NHS until late 2013 at the earliest due to their criteria.

Can't help with the staying sane either - I just try to distract myself with work/holidays/books, etc

Go to the doctor. The sooner you find out if/what the problem is the sooner you can start down the road of addressing it. I was putting it off as well because I thought that once I had my suspicions confirmed that there really was a problem then my life would revolve around that issue, that I could never go back to living in blissful ignorance. Now that I've had things checked out I am glad for it, I'm glad because it means I still have time to fix the issues that were found. These kinds of things don't tend to get better on their own or with time and at least you know what you're dealing with.

I also agree with the advice to go to the drs. It takes ages to have all the tests before you get to any treatment, so you have plenty of time to keep trying naturally. But your partner will need to be tested too. Most drs do this quite early in the process because the tests for women are more invasive than simply spaffing in a pot.

DP can see how much it is getting me down and has said to make an appointment and he will come with me.

When he told me his sister had had her baby a couple of weeks ago I burst into tears. His sister is lovely but it really upset me that she is on her second already and we were planning on having a baby before she was even pregnant with her first. Also found out yesterday my cousin?s girlfriend is having another and their son is only three months old. Neither were planned, they don?t even have anywhere to live and there is domestic violence on both parts

There are unplanned pregnancies all around me, other people don?t even have to think about it. It seems so unfair.

What will happen the first time I go to the doctors? What kind of questions will be asked? Think I?m going to take the plunge if not pregnant this month.

Hi apple - I can so sympathise, I completely panicked at the 1 yr point. I completely support what the others say, getting a doctors appointment and getting the tests underway is definately worth doing. For me they did blood tests at day 3 ish of the cycle, and day 21 ish of the cycle, and they also did a smear and swabs as i kept getting spotting. Once that came back normal but i still wasn't pg i got referred to the gynae unit at the local hospital, think it took quite a few months though.

I oddly feel more relaxed and more hopeful now and am at the 4.5 yr point. 2 things that have helped me to relax, 1 is charting, so getting to know my cycle myself makes me feel more in control. Also 2nd since i've been doing meditation / relaxation cd's i feel much more in control of my emotions. i've got loads of them, plus blank cds, so if you'd like a copy PM me an address to send it to. Also acupuncture i find very relaxing. I wouldn't stop the medical investigation side, but its worth doing anything you find relaxing in the meantime as you can end up waiting for results etc.

I'm sure we'll all get there, plus be better parents than we would have been as a result of the struggle.

my fertility friend chart is here if you're interested in charting www.fertilityfriend.com/home/carebear1
x x x