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Conception

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Original poster

I'm a total bitch

14 replies

applepieinthesky · 04/02/2012 12:07

DP just told me his sister has had her second baby and I couldn't even raise a smile.

This baby was a complete accident and we have been trying since before she even got pregnant.

I know there isn't a limited number of women that can get pregnant and I should be pleased with her but at the moment I can't imagine holding my own newborn baby. It feels like it will never happen.

Now I'm being a total bitch and laying down on my bed sobbing

OP posts:

Iheartpasties · 04/02/2012 12:10

Just feel your feelings, let it all out.

raspberrytipple · 04/02/2012 12:30

Don't feel bad, it's completely understandable. I felt a wee twinge of guilt yesterday when we came out from our infertility consultation to see a guy who we both cannot bear there with his girlfriend of about 10 months or so booking in for their next scan. The appointment had been positive in many ways but that just brought me crashing down for a little while and I just thought 'why, why that fat useless prick and his mopey knobhead girlfriend and not us'. Completely unreasonable and not healthy but it's normal, we just need to learn not to let it eat us up, it will be our turn one day xx

ArielNonBio · 04/02/2012 12:33

applepie in the sky you are not a bitch at all. If it helps, a friend just told us that they were expecting their second baby and that it was a "surprise", and I walked out of the room.

Chubfuddler · 04/02/2012 12:35

It's ok, really. I felt like my brother was stabbing me in the heart when he gloated about how easily his wife had become pregnant during a family meal out. We were having fertility treatment at the time and he knew it. I have two children now but I haven't forgotten it, or how it felt.

Chunkychicken · 04/02/2012 12:56

I'm irrationally hoping that nobody else gets pregnant before me whilst we're TTC #2 & we've not even been trying that long!!! Envy is a normal human emotion & even more so when tied up with something even more hormonal/emotional like conception... Don't feel bad.

If it also helps, when my younger sister told me she was expecting her third, as soon as I got home, I had a HUGE hissy fit at my DH (@ the time, still only DP) shouting that it was 'my turn' etc.

LouMacca · 04/02/2012 13:03

You are not being a bitch, it's so hard and you can't help the way you feel.

I locked myself in the toilet at work and cried when my DH told me my SIL was pregnant, we had just had our first failed IVF attempt. I couldn't believe that she could do that to us, but of course it wasn't about us at all.

Have you had any tests done to see if they is a reason that it's not happened for you yet?

SweetieDoesIt · 04/02/2012 13:08

I also agree these feelings are really normal and understandable. I had a complete breakdown when DH told me his best mate and DP just found out she was expecting DC6!!!

We can not even get pregnant with one and others just seem to find it so easy, of course it was an "accident" for this couple too. It is really unfair.

Have a good cry and try to put it behind you, difficult I know. Wishing you very best wishes.

RightUpMyRue · 04/02/2012 13:17

I had a very similar reaction earlier this week when DP told me about his friends girlfriend who is PG, about 8 weeks gone.

We were with them about 2 weeks ago so she must have had an idea she was PG at the time but was still drinking plenty of lagers whilst I was sat there still bleeding a little from the miscarriage I'd had 2 weeks before.

We've been trying for about a year and she has only been off the injections for a month. It felt so unfair. I wasn't necessarily jealous I just felt the unjustness of it keenly and it made me cry lots.

You're not a bitch OP, you're a normal human being.

Original poster

applepieinthesky · 04/02/2012 13:40

I feel a tiny bit better knowing I'm not the only one.

It's such a lonely experience as nobody even knows we are trying.
I have thought about talking to my mum about it because it took her 8 years to have my younger brother but in her case she had no problems actually getting pregnant but had recurrent miscarriages

So if and when I do get pregnant I won't be able to rest until I have a baby in my arms.

DP has been fab though, he left me to have a cry then came upstairs and gave me a hug. He says it will happen, we just have to be patient.

OP posts:

bonzo77 · 04/02/2012 13:49

you're not a bitch. Your feelings are totally normal. I feel the same. Currently the mere sight of a bump or a newborn has me either in tears or wracked with envy. Its so lonely TTC. The ladies here on MN are a great support if you can't talk about it much in RL.

MCT76 · 04/02/2012 13:57

Oh, applepie...I'd like to join the choir of 'bitches' if I may and to echo everyone's sentiment when it comes to the unstoppable feelings of jealousy, envy and anger followed by remorse and guilt at others' "baby news" when we feel left behind on the infertility train not knowing if it will ever get to its intended destination...

I've also been there several times now, especially with Sil's DCs (both conceived on the first day of trying!). Although we have not discussed our 'problems' with her, I am sure she knows considering my MIL tells her everything...but last time we saw them, she went on about their intentions to TTC DC3 soon and my heart sank at the thought of her being pregnant again before me (she is exactly my same age...just one day younger!)

We're now on our first IUI attempt and like your DP, my DH has been a tower of strength whenever I've felt like throwing in the towel. At least we know we're not alone in this and we can have a vent and a moan here when we need it.

bettybat · 04/02/2012 16:27

Oh OP, I have felt exactly this way about the person who felt it exactly this way about someone else.

It isn't fair, and it is and it's irrelevant and it's everything all at once! We are nothing but human and there is little point beating yourself up for these very human feelings.

The insensitivity is hard to deal with. It's incredibly hard but all those babies/pregnancies aren't taking yours away. There isn't a quota.

God, I even get irrationally annoyed at all those people TTCing their second child....in my worst moments, I think - at least you know, at you least you've experienced is just once.

But who am I to decide that for them? What you feel is centric to your life right at that moment.

Be kind to yourself. Keep forging forward. It will be OK in the end, and it's not OK - then it's not the end yet.

InTheSunshine · 04/02/2012 17:47

I agree. It's hard sometimes to listen to others talking about their 'accidental' babies. It doesn't make you a bitch to be upset - your feelings are reactions to a real sistuation.

I like what Betty said about being a quota. I'll try and remember that.

TheDetective · 04/02/2012 18:56

Don't feel bad, its a natural feeling - quite understandable.

My SIL is pregnant, with her second child, and it wasn't planned - or wanted. But she is having it anyway. I have to bite my tongue. A lot.

On the plus side, you could be me - I go to work with pregnant ladies and new mums every single day! Being a midwife and TTC is emotionally hardwork!

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