Help please... am I being irresponsible?!

[annabegins24]

Hi Everyone!
This is my first post... hope I'm in the right section!
Me and my bf have been together 9 years now. We've just moved into our new house (rented) its lovely with lots of space and I know the person who owns it, we can stay in it as long as we like! We have a doggie... and thats it!
I'm really beginning to feel there's something missing now and I've been feeling extremely broody, I just feel now is my time.
The thing is money is a struggle and I don't want to be irresponsible if I'm not sure we can afford having a baby. Lots of people say to me you don't need money just lots of love but on the other hand I would want to give my child the best I can. I work but am currently looking for a job closer to home and my bf has got a good steady job that is decent pay. However you know what its like by the time all the bills etc are paid your left with nothing.
I feel like my body is screaming to have a baby or should I concentrate on my career for a couple more years? I'm 24 by the way.
Hope someone can give me some words of wisdom or advice
Thanks in advance for any comments
x

Unless you suspect you might have problems conceiving, you've got plenty of time (lots of people have waited 10yrs from your age before their first...) and if money is already tight and you're job hunting, imagine how it will be when you've got a baby and don't qualify for any maternity payments. Money isn't as important as love, you're right, BUT affording a roof over your head, healthy food & warmth isn't a luxury for a baby, its a necessity.

Give it time. The broody feelings might fade with the right job/focus etc or they might not, then see how you feel in 6mths or a year. There's no need to rush into a decision at your age - there's a lot more 'life' to be had before you settle down to domestic bliss with child(ren).

I say this as someone who had a child at 30, after my sister at 3 kids, the first at 16. I think I know who found it easier/more straight forward, particularly on the money/job front!!!

Good luck with whatever you decide. Hth x

Thanks Chunkychicken (love that name).
This has made me feel better, I think I'll focus on career just now and then see how I feel. The only wee niggle I would have, as you mentioned at the beginning of your post is if I would have problems conceiving... is there any way of knowing? I have been on the implanon for 6 years now so my periods have been all over the place. I've had a smear test. Anything else I can do to try and put my mind at rest? Or is there no way of knowing unless you try?
Thanks again x

Sorry, Anna, no way of knowing and as many women on here will testify, even conceiving once easily may not mean you'll do it again without problems. However, most people do manage to conceive naturally at least once and unless you have a family history that points to early menopause or other such issues, you will statistically still have a really good chance of conceiving within a couple of months even if you wait for another 2+ years.

Unfortunately, life doesn't have a plan/instruction book, we can only do what we can with the information we have available. Things might change for you in a couple of months/years and no contraceptive is 100% reliable, who knows BUT we deal with the challenges we're given and usually everything works out in the end.

All the best - FX for that fantastic job!!

You are wonderful! Thank you so much for your knowledge and advice. x

I would wait until I was more financially secure in your shoes. You have many fertile years ahead of you so there is no need to rush on that score. I think there is never a perfect time to have babies but there is a difference between an imperfect time and a time when you are really struggling financially.

Happy to help Anna, all the best x

I agree with the other posters you have plenty of time and I would definitely recommend getting more financially secure before having a baby. Whilst you are right that the most important thing you can give a child is love, children do cost money partcularly child care costs which was a real shock to me although I waited until I was 31 to have my first and was reasonably financially secure which meant I could go back to work 4 days a week and afford to have a year off maternity leave. It is just one less thing to worry about. Also a lot of women find they want a second child within a few years of having their first so that their ages are not too far apart so maybe thats something to think about as well. Good luck with whatever you decide.

I agree with all the other advice Anna but I'd add that if I had my time again, I'd come off hormonal contraception about a year before I wanted to start trying. The hormones can really mess up your cycle and for every person who gets pregnant the second they're off the hormones, there's another who finds their cycle still hasn't settled 6 months to a year later.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

Thats really interesting to know Discolite, I'll keep that in mind! Would I be better going on the pill a year before I want to conceive? Or does the same apply?
Thank you for all other comments, I can think straight now! x

By hormonal contraceptives I mean the pill, implants and some types of coil. I was on the pill for 13 years non stop and my first period came after 42 days..then my cycle went 41, 37, 35 and so on and so on. I've been having a lot of premenstrual spotting before AF which is being investigated but the doctor reckons it's probably connected to the length of time I was on the pill. I've heard of other people who still hadn't had their first period after 6 months of waiting so I got off lightly I think!

I wish i'd've used condoms for a year, but I can understand they aren't the right form of contraception for everyone. I guess you have to weigh up whether your bf can cope with using them (I know some men hate them) and whether you'd be ok if the condom failed and you got pregnant ahead of schedule. Lots to think about for the future anyway!

Oh I see! God so much I dont know, glad I came across this website.
Cheers everyone!